....to not invite this girl to my daughter's party because she's a nightmare!!!

[smokinhotchilli]

This is so tricky! And all this is new to me so any advice would be great.
My daughter has been friends with a girl called Rose (made up name) for two years. They are both 4. There's a group of kids who have been close since nursery & they have all started school & are in the same class.
Have never been very close to Rose's mum but the girls occasionally meet up at weekends .... Or used to...
Since starting school, Rose has become a bit of a nightmare. According to my daughter, none of the group want to play with her, she hits, shouts, pushes, doesn't listen and is really naughty (all told to me by my daughter & the other kids) and they often tell the teacher .... I've seen Rose doing all of this before & after school.
My daughter is refusing to have her at her birthday party which is really soon & won't invite her. The mum texted to ask what's happening for my daughters birthday...
What would you do?
AIBU to ask the mum if everything is ok at home & mention Rose's behaviour in a gentle & considerate way? And then explain that my daughter doesn't want her at the party? Arghhhhh! Don't want to upset anyone.

In any event someone the op's child has known the child she has problems with for years!

You have some alarming fixed ideas about what all parents "should" do, for someone teaching the age group someone . Children who don't like crowds and do better in small groups won't find a loud party environment with 29 kids they've known 10 weeks (if that's the case) "comforting" .

Some very weird ideas on this thread. I personally would rather pay for a small party, than ask people for contribution for me giving a whole class party, noway. You host, you have to pay, same with weddings. I wish it was £5 for soft play. Here it's £9+ £4 for adult.

Children's friendships are transient. Because of Rose behaviour, her and op dd are not friends, so does not have to be invited to op dd party. It's not like she is giving a whole class party, or inviting just girls, and leaving Rose out. That would be mean.

Can you imagine the text?

Hi we can't afford a party for Mary this year so we are having it at soft play. Cost is £5 entrance and kids meals start at £6 each.
No cake,drinks or party bags provided.

I've attached a present list of suggestions

Thanks I'm sure Mary will have a great time, see you Saturday!!

That's not how kids parties work!!

The weird ideas all seem to be coming from a primary school teacher Aeroflot !

Mind you I taught teens when I was childless and then mother to a baby - I knew how to teach them my subject but nothing about parenting them and not that much about how they tick socially/ privately... I certainly wasn't an expert on one size fits all teen party best practice.

Noni isn't how parties work, I am sure op would be gossip fodder at the playground if she did that, especially if her dd are going to parties where the host has paid. Not the done thing.

It's all weird, I only ever hosted small parties, 10-15 kids, simple. Not all were invited. I did not have the confidence or budget for a whole class party
Some on here are making a bloody mountain out of a molehill.

Stilletosareanono yes they do understand no but they don’t understand being left out.
Francis yes they are different. One excludes and one includes, all at the same price 😊.
Evelyn can you actually see what your saying. A child who doesn’t like crowds, but attends a nursery with 30+ would feel different if they saw these familiar faces at a birthday. Laughable
Guess what. This child is 4, yes that’s right 4!!!

Any news on the play date OP?

Someone can you see what you are saying? Children are not allowed to prefer small group situations? A classroom is as noisy, unstructured and raucous as a birthday party?

I know Francis and actually DS 5 preferred them.

It's unclear why you keep writing that the child is 4 someone - we know that. A small tea party with 4 friends is perfect for a 4 year old.

Evelyn with all due respect if your child can’t handle a classroom situation they are probably more suited to a specialist school. I’d they attend school with 30+ children then what is different at a bday party. It is actually welcoming and friendly as they are used to these faces.
Please don’t take this offensively, it is very genuine and not trying to be rude.

Sorry I must have been unclear. I thought you or someone said that they couldn’t afford £4.95 but could afford a party. I was saying that if you can’t afford £4.95 entry for soft play then you can’t afford a tea party at home

I never mentioned that a person couldn’t afford £4.95 for soft play. That must have been someone else?

There are kids who can handle classroom situations but prefer small groups. I would expect that a classroom is less rowdy than 30 kids hyped up on sugar in a soft play so not really comparable anyway.
I'm going to assume you don't have experience of hosting or attending kids parties or you would realise absolutely no-one charges entry and class parties are not the norm.

A class room situation controlled environment, is totally different to a free for all hall party, where kids are running about, making lots of noise, disco in the corner, pumped up on sugar, like somebody said. And also the attention being soley on them, which DS does not like. Some prefer hall parties, some like smaller more intimate parties. One they get passed reception, there tends to be smaller parties, as friendship groups are formed.

I expect the OP has sorted things out by now.