....to not invite this girl to my daughter's party because she's a nightmare!!!

[smokinhotchilli]

This is so tricky! And all this is new to me so any advice would be great.
My daughter has been friends with a girl called Rose (made up name) for two years. They are both 4. There's a group of kids who have been close since nursery & they have all started school & are in the same class.
Have never been very close to Rose's mum but the girls occasionally meet up at weekends .... Or used to...
Since starting school, Rose has become a bit of a nightmare. According to my daughter, none of the group want to play with her, she hits, shouts, pushes, doesn't listen and is really naughty (all told to me by my daughter & the other kids) and they often tell the teacher .... I've seen Rose doing all of this before & after school.
My daughter is refusing to have her at her birthday party which is really soon & won't invite her. The mum texted to ask what's happening for my daughters birthday...
What would you do?
AIBU to ask the mum if everything is ok at home & mention Rose's behaviour in a gentle & considerate way? And then explain that my daughter doesn't want her at the party? Arghhhhh! Don't want to upset anyone.

Tricky! I personally would reply with.

Hi, this year dd is only having a small party so is limited on numbers. This is tricky to raise but Dd says that Rose has pushed her a few times, which is why she isn’t inviting her this time. Dd let her teacher know so I assumed she/he let you know at the time. Hopefully in future dd and rose will be close again.

To add don’t allow you dd and her friends to chat about Rose together. Any kind of chat about how Rose pushed so and so you should jump in and explain how it’s not nice to talk about others in a gossipy way, but reinforce that if anyone does anything mean to them personally or they witness anything then they should speak to their parent and/or teacher. Rose would just get further pushed out and that’s not nice!

Thank you all for your comments
Hiddley I've been out with my daughter all day & therefore not checking in on MN every hour.
When I posted this I was expecting about ten replies.
Dropping and Running ?
Is that a thing?

"I'm not a teenage boy Don. FTW? Never even heard of the explanation!"

I did not criticise you for not knowing an abbreviation. Who could know them all? I just answered your question with a link. You took it as criticism and wildly overreacted.

"mansplaining"

What does someone's gender have to do with anything? How is posting a single link, answering the exact question you asked, mansplaining? My second post wasn't explaining anything, it was just playing with someone rude.

"You're never going to like everyone, but as an adult you need to learn how to get on with everyone."

I missed this gem, 'coz I hadn't really read the thread. Given your other posts on the thread, it's hysterical.

Come on:
say sorry for over reacting and being rude;
I'll say sorry for taking the bait and teasing you;
lets settle this like 4YOs :-)

You don't post an incomprehensible initialism, then expect someone to google it, then when they simply ask you what you mean, you provide them with a link rather than an explanation. That's a whole lot of work for me to do if I want to comprehend your idiotic post in the first place. ITFIWBMH.

So Op, is Rose invited or not?

I think most people know what ftw stands for don’t they???? How is it any different from imo, tbh and yabu?

OP owes it to her daughter to learn how to deal with difficult relationships

DD knows how to deal with this one - she's walking away

Before I go to bed, I'll add that I would 100% want to know if my daughter was upsetting other children & would want the opportunity to speak to other parents about it if they wanted to.
I'm thinking about being straight up with the mum (who I know a bit) & just ask if she's had any feedback from the school about Rose's transition & then listen if she wants to talk & if she asks, tell her what my daughter said & ask if Rose has mentioned any fall outs etc?
Maybe then we can see if we can get them together for a play date prior to the party & see how that goes?
Hope that makes sense.
I still can't believe the copious and varied pieces of advice & thoughts.
Thank you.

On the face of it, I’d say a small party means that your DD has to be selective and can pretty much invite who she likes.
However, I’m just slightly concerned that you are listening to a bunch of four year olds regarding Rose’s behaviour.
I did ask earlier in the thread if you’d spoken with Rose’s mum when the aggression started as you claimed they’d been friends for two years?
Has the class teacher mentioned any issues?
If not then it might be six of one and half a dozen of the other.
Who’s to know if Rose is being left out of a newly formed clique?
Not helping you with the party situation I’m afraid but just looking a bit deeper into why little Rose is seemingly behaving differently.

Maybe talk with the teacher about how your dd is settling in too.

"You don't post an incomprehensible initialism, then expect someone to google it, then when they simply ask you what you mean, you provide them with a link rather than an explanation."

Erm... in fairness I think that's pretty common practice on MN, but in the interest of peace and love I will make sure I don't reply to your questions with links in future.

"That's a whole lot of work for me to do if I want to comprehend your idiotic post in the first place."

See, name calling again. Given your expertise 'as an adult' in getting on with everyone, I'm surprised you keep doing that. I think the adult thing to do you have been to say sorry.

You are clearly investing quite a lot of work in this thread: directed at me alone it involves searching my posting history to find my gender and looking up new synonyms. I really hope you are enjoying this as much as me, so it's worth the effort.

I'm an adult too, and I get the feeling winding you up is probably like kicking a puppy, so: I apologise for posting a link instead of a sentence and for subsequently teasing you. If you don't keep this going I promise to stop.

Have you got time to arrange a quick 1:1 play date with Rose and her Mum before the party invites go out?

If it goes well then your dd might change her mind about inviting Rose.

If it goes badly then you have a clear reason, as far as Rose & her Mum are concerned, for not inviting her.

'an idiotic post' is just that. Idiotic is an adjective describing a noun. A post that was idiotic. No name-calling there. But I could happily keep this going.
Do you normally kick puppies? Or just women?

Have you got time to arrange a quick 1:1 play date with Rose and her Mum before the party invites go out

If it goes well then your dd might change her mind about inviting Rose
Think we cross posted there Doll Face
Good idea

"Do you normally kick puppies? Or just women?"

Again with the women thing. What does this conversation have to do with women? I have no idea whether you're a woman, but it would make no difference, I started winding you up because you posted abuse.

Are you a woman? If so are you saying women can be rude, but not receive rudeness?

To answer your question I try very hard not to metaphorically kick puppies, which is why it's such fun when you meet someone who is either enjoying the banter or deserves it.

Equally what has this conversation to do with puppies

That's wise of you smokin. I would strongly advise you to speak with the teacher also though, as worst case scenario, Rose is bullying your dd.

Don - go away and kick some metaphorical puppies.

Why isent the Law coming down on them, they are not exempt. They are not even homeschooling.

Sorry wrong thread😳😳😳😳

"Don - go away and kick some metaphorical puppies."

Aww, OK- I'll stop teasing you. Sorry puppy :-)