....to not invite this girl to my daughter's party because she's a nightmare!!!

[smokinhotchilli]

This is so tricky! And all this is new to me so any advice would be great.
My daughter has been friends with a girl called Rose (made up name) for two years. They are both 4. There's a group of kids who have been close since nursery & they have all started school & are in the same class.
Have never been very close to Rose's mum but the girls occasionally meet up at weekends .... Or used to...
Since starting school, Rose has become a bit of a nightmare. According to my daughter, none of the group want to play with her, she hits, shouts, pushes, doesn't listen and is really naughty (all told to me by my daughter & the other kids) and they often tell the teacher .... I've seen Rose doing all of this before & after school.
My daughter is refusing to have her at her birthday party which is really soon & won't invite her. The mum texted to ask what's happening for my daughters birthday...
What would you do?
AIBU to ask the mum if everything is ok at home & mention Rose's behaviour in a gentle & considerate way? And then explain that my daughter doesn't want her at the party? Arghhhhh! Don't want to upset anyone.

Well you've 350 posts by us all giving our tuppence worth so after reading it should all be clear as mud!

"so I asked if she thought Rose would feel sad about being left out of her little party & she said 'yes but I feel sad when she shouts at me and calls me names & i don't want that to happen at my party'"

OPs daughter FTW. There is just no arguing with that.

Excluding friends is bad, but we have to trust OP that she has discussed this carefully and this is a real response to nasty behaviour- not just groupthink and childish spats.

what does FTW mean?

Be the bigger person. Invite her. Parent will be there so any bad behaviour stop it immediately and tell parent to take her home.

The best way you can handle this situation is take the party out of it. Meet Rose’s mum and say ‘This is really awkward, but I’m hoping we can talk because there has been out of character behaviour from Rose since the school year started. DD has been hit, name called and scratched by Rose, and it seems to be escalating. I’m hoping we can work together to create a more healthy relationship. ‘ then just listen.

Your daughter is being bullied by a friend. Handle it as such. Forget about the party for now.

"what does FTW mean?" bfy.tw/5KQg

Be the bigger person. Invite her. Parent will be there so any bad behaviour stop it immediately and tell parent to take her home

Unless they drop and run as many parents of badly behaved children appear to do

FTW = for the win

OP I am with your DD. She doesn't want toxic guests. Don't invite her.

For the record my son has 'Rose' traits. We are dealing with this.

Don. don't be a dick. If you're writing to communicate, at least use a language people understand rather than writing incomprehensible posts and patronisingly googling it for them when they don't understand your drivel.

Thanks Martha.

smokinhotchilli your daughter is amazingly articulate and knows her mind. She's kind of my hero right now. Please don't invite the shouty punchy kid and ruin your own daughter's birthday party. I'm still honestly amazed at how many people want you and your daughter to bend over backwards or kowtow to a mean 4 year old!

I'm firmly in Rose's corner.

To me this boils down to whether Rose is really a nasty little thing or whether she's a sad little girl acting out. It's hard to tell from the OPs brevity. Talk about dropping and running OP!

Talk about dropping and running OP!

OPs loyalty lies with her daughter - that's a life long commitment and relationship

OP owes Rose nothing.

Any issues Rose has is down to her parents to manage.

GreenTulips I was referring to the OP posting an OP, then updating with a post to say that she hasn't had time to read the responses and then a further post to say that she still hasn't read the responses. Why bother posting? That's what I call dropping and running.

OP owes it to her daughter to learn how to deal with difficult relationships. As I said earlier in the thread, in reception ds was excluding others from their exclusive group from afterschool. I dealt with that and as I've also said his friendship group now is 'everyone really'. He really just is Mr. Popular who can get on with anyone because he was taught to be kind to everyone.

You're never going to like everyone, but as an adult you need to learn how to get on with everyone.

She's 4 ffs! Invite her! Adults can be dicks sometimes.

Jeez all this over a little 4 year old !!

It is tough, your dd really doesent want her does she! I wou,d tell the mum, that dd does not want Rosie at her party as the girls no longer get on, so she wants friends that she likes there. If she quizzes further, tell her that Arosie has been unkind to dd, calling her names and pushing her. You have witnessed this behaviour of Rosie yourself.

No the op owes it to her dd to listen to her and not try to force her to invite a bully to her party.
It used to be the case that we felt sorry for the children who were hit and called names but now any child sensible enough to want to keep out of their way is excluding them. Madness.

I'm not a teenage boy Don. FTW? Never even heard of the explanation! Thank you for educating my addled low-IQ'd brain mansplaining

Hiddley
Op doesnt have to give blow by blow accounts of what rose has done for the curious on mn.

Her priority is her dd not someonw elses child who hits her, scratches her and calls her names. Why on earth would she invite someone like that uo her dds party? It diesnt matter what the reasons for doing it the fact that she IS doing it is all that matters and the fact that her dd doesnt want her there.ĺ

Well I'm capable of supervising four year olds when I'm on my own, so the OP with the support of parents is not going to have a situation where a feral child is going to go around wreaking havoc.

Different views on parenting. Mine has turned out brilliantly (touch wood).

When my kids had parties i wanted to make it a great party for them not spend it on tenterhooks constantly watching another child in case they clobber my child or someone elses kids.

Why is it ops job to invite a child who hits her child, whome her child has clearly said she doesn't want to come and then spend her childs party monitoring another childs behaviour?