To not be able to cope with all the extra curricular activities, days out etc?

[busymum2017]

Long time lurker but first post so be gentle with me.

I’m completely exhausted and need help!

A bit of background, I am married with three girls age 4, 5 and 7 and I work as a teaching assistant. My girls just asked me tonight if they could join rainbows/brownies tonight and I said no because I just don’t feel like I can cope with any more running around than I already do. They have gone to bed crying and I feel awful :(

I don’t know if I’m just pathetic but I feel like I’m struggling as it is, I feel like I am just rushing through their childhoods with no time to enjoy it. I will post an example of my week and if anyone can give me any pointers that I can’t see to help free up some time so I don’t feel so exhausted that would be great! Or maybe I’m moaning about nothing and this is what life with children is like?

Mon: work 8am - 3pm (girls go to breakfast club). School finished 3.15 home by 3.45. Make snacks and drinks, sort and pack away clean washing, cook dinner, make packed lunches, clean up from dinner, upstairs for baths, stories, spellings, times tables, everyone in bed by 8pm. Go and do a 20 minute exercise video (as advised by doctor I am overweight and un fit and my health is at risk) empty bins, then bath and collapse infront of tv/mumsnet for one hour then go to bed.
Tue: repeat above except I work until 4.30 home at 5pm (girls go to after school club) and I do not sort the washing. Clean loos instead of empty bins at night.
Wed: work 8am-3pm, go to gymnastics straight from school where each girls class is at a different time due to abilities, we get home at 7pm (girls eat in cafe I can’t afford too as well) baths etc everyone in bed by 8.30, then I cook clean up, iron uniforms, empty bins, too tired for any exercise and collapse.
Thur: repeat above but replace gymnastics with swimming and cafe food with happy meals.
Fri: work 8-3, come straight home after school, tidy messy house with colours papers jigsaws etc everywhere, dinner, clean up, baths etc then collapse In front of tv and fall asleep as so tired from the week.
Sat: take oldest to musical theatre for the morning then I go to the supermarket with younger dc. Come home make lunch pack shopping away, then do something nice with the girls like cinema, park, visit a relative etc for a couple of hours, come home, cook clean up bedtimes etc
Sun: clean house takes 3 hours, washloads, ironing, homework, cook roast, clean up, baths bed etc sit on sofa and think Sunday was worse than a week day :(

My dh works nights including weekends he has Mondays and Tuesdays off instead. He does garden, car stuff, family admin and bills, diy, decorating plus ebays our old stuff and takes over time at work if it’s available.

I want to study for an extra qualification but just can’t see how I could fit that in :(

6 weeks holidays are fine and I feel like I’m relaxed in those 6 weeks but the one week and two week holidays we catch up with relatives, old friends, school friends etc. I try and keep one day a week in the hols free but this week a friend who I have not seen for 2 years wants to meet up so that’s my one free day gone where I wanted to go and buy new bins for bathrooms new toilet brushes as our bathrooms are looking grim, girls winter shoes etc so now I will have to do that one night after school making yet another rushed night.

How can we slow down and enjoy life instead of constantly rushing here and there? Or is everyone else the same? Or probably worse and will tell me I’m lucky I don’t work full time?

Epsom salts have helped my child's excema and bath easier to clean too. Have a Google about how good they can be for excema.

Roger it sounds like you're doing a great job, but in your rush to patronise Busymum about how much better at life you are, you've not spotted that the children need to bathed daily due to urination issues and skin conditions.

Next time your husband pulls the “try doing a night shift” routine: I do regular night shifts, usually a block of 7x 14 hour ones. They are much more chilled out than daytime shifts. Your body clock adapts after a day or two. It’s really nothing compared to running round after three children. He’s making a ridiculous meal out of nothing, and should pull his weight a lot more. If you’re up in the night changing sheets, you ARE doing a night shift.

I feel for you - it does sound exhausting. I imagine that the people with even fuller working schedules have larger salaries to make up for it.

Echoing PP, I think DH needs to step up on his days off. I know nights take it out of you and that he won't be up to much on his working days (I'd make him take the bins out though, at least - 5 min job), but he can make up for that by cooking and clearing up on Mon and Tues evenings, and doing either baths or stories. While they're at school Mon/Tue he can put a wash on or whatever else needs doing.

I would also:

• Grocery shop online - Asda?
• Amazon for other stuff like household hardware
• School dinners (free for KS1) and compel school to cater properly for allergies
• Never, ever iron again - if DH wants shirts ironed, he irons them
• Don't do Sunday roast every week - have something easy sometimes

• plus (this is a bit controversial) since your DC are so young I wouldn't bother with homework too much. Listen to them read and done.

Thanks for all the helpful replies. It looks like I really need to get DH to do his share. I just don’t know how 😞

I was being light hearted, not patronising. My DC have skin conditions and I was advised not to bathe them frequently but appreciate I should RTFT before replying.

I agree that your DC do plenty, btw - way more than mine!

We have to do the homework, they get kept in for 30 minutes on a Friday lunchtime if reading and spelling and weekly homework is not done 😮 they call it homework club, my dc are scared of it! plus I work at their school so I would look bad I think!

Do you have a tumble dryer? If you do, you could eliminate the need to iron (and probably save money) by hanging the washing out until it's nearly dry, then putting in in the tumble dryer for 5 minutes and folding it straight up.

DH does his own ironing, I have to iron my work clothes but can get away with not doing the uniform. I have to do vests pants and pjs though or the creases rub on the dcs eczema and psoriasis

Your DH needs to do much more.
You need a cleaner
Internet shopping delivered one week night

Does your H actually do the gardening/ DIY/ bills etc every Monday and Tuesday, working the same amount of hours you put in on a Saturday and Sunday?

Yes we have a tumble dryer but it’s in the garage so I have to go out in the dark or rain if it’s winter to use it. I’m probsbly just lazy but I hate going out there at night

plus I work at their school so I would look bad I think

I wondered that. That does make it tricky (but not impossible) with things like pushing the school about catering for allergies.

(What sort of bastards keep 4yos in doing extra work at lunchtimes though?)

You sound great. Your DH needs to do more. You need to sort the bed wetting and accidents before your girls commit themselves to another activity.

They dress it up as a “club”. But all the dc know it’s a punishment for not doing there homework. It’s sctually quite sad as it’s the same children having to stay in every week.

Your DH can do some ironing/batch cook some chilli/ go buy some bins etc. I understand he is working nights but you have to do things around work so why not he?
Additionally I would online shop for things like bins/ food shop etc.

It is normal Mum stuff BUT that doesn’t mean it’s not fucking exhausting.

Also use an ironing service !

You forgot to say how many hours you work each day Roger .......

Brownies/scouts etc on a Wednesday night is great, but I could only manage it as a mate had children doing similar stuff and we could split it. Partners were working hours that meant that they couldn't help. You're in the most crazy stretched bit of parenthood - if you can get somebody else to split it with, ok. If you can't, then just explain to your children. You may be surprised at how sympathetic/understanding they are

ahhh ... I see it’s an entitled DH problem. He thinks because you work 2 hrs less than FT a day you don’t deserve time off but the does ... you’re working 12 hours 7 days a week ... he needs to buck the fuck up

'My dh works nights including weekends he has Mondays and Tuesdays off instead. He does garden, car stuff, family admin and bills, diy, decorating plus ebays our old stuff and takes over time at work if it’s available.'

Wow sounds like DH just likes to fanny around so he hasn't got to do the important stuff! Gardening, car stuff? Doesn't that mean polish his car? Hardly important things to be doing when your running around like a blue-arsed fly! Yes bills need sorting but how much time does that really take? How much stuff does he sell on eBay again how long does that really take to do? Also what's family admin?!

Your DH sounds as if he's avoiding larger responsibilities and leaving them up to you. He needs to prioritise more. In fact you both need to sit down and decide between you what chores are most important. I wouldn't count gardening as high priority!

You sound like super woman and especially as you're suffering health-wise. You're doing an amazing job and perhaps with some discussion with DH and shifting around chores, it'll be easier to fit in another club. Best of luck OP

I’m so tired this week I could cry. I just want a day off as it’s the school hols. But we have tickets booked and have arranged to meet up with people. I need to start saying no to people I think but I don’t want to loose friends!

DH needs to do more
Chores for the girls? Can they do simple tidying / putting washing away?
Can you afford a cleaner? Even once a fortnight?
Shop online and batch cook
I reckon you could significantly lighten your load by doing some of this
Good luck x

I don't think 2 activities each is too many tbh and Brownies/ Guides are great activities for your girls.

I think your dh needs to do more tbh, you don't get 2 regular days off from being a parent, husband and home owner.

What DIY car and garden needs doing regularly? Can't ebaying wait for a while, it can't take that long.
It just seems like he has a lot more free time than you and some of the things he does aren't that important or time consuming.
Why not discuss the priorities and work together to tackle the necessary tasks like the extra laundry you have.
There's nothing wrong with him tidying up a bit when he gets home from work, nobody goes straight to bed whatever time they get in from work.