To not be able to cope with all the extra curricular activities, days out etc?

[busymum2017]

Long time lurker but first post so be gentle with me.

I’m completely exhausted and need help!

A bit of background, I am married with three girls age 4, 5 and 7 and I work as a teaching assistant. My girls just asked me tonight if they could join rainbows/brownies tonight and I said no because I just don’t feel like I can cope with any more running around than I already do. They have gone to bed crying and I feel awful :(

I don’t know if I’m just pathetic but I feel like I’m struggling as it is, I feel like I am just rushing through their childhoods with no time to enjoy it. I will post an example of my week and if anyone can give me any pointers that I can’t see to help free up some time so I don’t feel so exhausted that would be great! Or maybe I’m moaning about nothing and this is what life with children is like?

Mon: work 8am - 3pm (girls go to breakfast club). School finished 3.15 home by 3.45. Make snacks and drinks, sort and pack away clean washing, cook dinner, make packed lunches, clean up from dinner, upstairs for baths, stories, spellings, times tables, everyone in bed by 8pm. Go and do a 20 minute exercise video (as advised by doctor I am overweight and un fit and my health is at risk) empty bins, then bath and collapse infront of tv/mumsnet for one hour then go to bed.
Tue: repeat above except I work until 4.30 home at 5pm (girls go to after school club) and I do not sort the washing. Clean loos instead of empty bins at night.
Wed: work 8am-3pm, go to gymnastics straight from school where each girls class is at a different time due to abilities, we get home at 7pm (girls eat in cafe I can’t afford too as well) baths etc everyone in bed by 8.30, then I cook clean up, iron uniforms, empty bins, too tired for any exercise and collapse.
Thur: repeat above but replace gymnastics with swimming and cafe food with happy meals.
Fri: work 8-3, come straight home after school, tidy messy house with colours papers jigsaws etc everywhere, dinner, clean up, baths etc then collapse In front of tv and fall asleep as so tired from the week.
Sat: take oldest to musical theatre for the morning then I go to the supermarket with younger dc. Come home make lunch pack shopping away, then do something nice with the girls like cinema, park, visit a relative etc for a couple of hours, come home, cook clean up bedtimes etc
Sun: clean house takes 3 hours, washloads, ironing, homework, cook roast, clean up, baths bed etc sit on sofa and think Sunday was worse than a week day :(

My dh works nights including weekends he has Mondays and Tuesdays off instead. He does garden, car stuff, family admin and bills, diy, decorating plus ebays our old stuff and takes over time at work if it’s available.

I want to study for an extra qualification but just can’t see how I could fit that in :(

6 weeks holidays are fine and I feel like I’m relaxed in those 6 weeks but the one week and two week holidays we catch up with relatives, old friends, school friends etc. I try and keep one day a week in the hols free but this week a friend who I have not seen for 2 years wants to meet up so that’s my one free day gone where I wanted to go and buy new bins for bathrooms new toilet brushes as our bathrooms are looking grim, girls winter shoes etc so now I will have to do that one night after school making yet another rushed night.

How can we slow down and enjoy life instead of constantly rushing here and there? Or is everyone else the same? Or probably worse and will tell me I’m lucky I don’t work full time?

Could your dh batch cook Monday and Tuesday so you were just reheating. Also he could unpack food deliveries on same day

Sorry I’m struggling to respond to all the messages. I’m not entitled to dla they have eczema and psoriasis but not severe

LIsten to brigand chilli and ditch the after school club on Tuesday and have DH look after them then. Use the money you save for a cleaner.

And yes your DH needs to do more. He should cook at least once a week, let him pick the night. And he should definitely be cleaning up after himself and doing the washing on the days he has off

I don’t iron unless something is really creased and then iron it before wearing it.
Unfortunately with 3 kids its never ending
I Work until 3pm and each week we have
Horseriding
Beavers
Cubs
Coding club
Gymnastics
Swimming
Football

Then every week there is (times 3 lots)
Reading
Spellings
Online maths
Maths learnits
Big write topic to talk about and plan
Maths board game they bring home and have to play
Activity based on thier reading book (so make up an alternative ending, make a word search on words from the book, redesign the front cover etcetc)
Library book from school

Then various stuff to do for cubs/beavers badges/activities, etc

Thanks I will try one of those bed sheets that could work :)

Op have you claimed and been refused or not claimed. Creaming like you describe with bedwetting should qualify for low rate care.

No I have not claimed is it possible when it is not severe? With the oilstum baths cream and steroid cream I can keep it at mild, it never goes from the knees or elbows or behind the knees though

Do less cleaning and don't bath them every night. I think what they gain from going to rainbows and brownies will really benefit them. Also as kids get older things will get easier. My life became infinitely easier when i stopped daily baths.

A slow cooker with one of those timer plugs would help you on your longer days out. I actually think your girls are quite busy. You need to get better at making them clear up after themselves. Pick one battle at a time so if they clear up their toys every night before bed then they get to go to soft play or whatever at the weekend,or something. Sticker charts are good. I dont know what to sugest about dh.

If the youngest two don’t bath daily their skin would burn from urine 😞 they are bed wetters and have accidents at school

Say no to brownies. Your routine and family life seem pretty standard to me but don't do it to yourself if it feels too much. Children can't do everything and if you're stressed about it, it'll be just another chore.

I don't do Saturday morning clubs if I can help it because quite frankly on a sat morning I don't want the opportunity to hang out at home together taken over by another routine/dash to get ready/remember correct uniform/pay a zillion pounds. Sod it.

I know you say you don't want to online shop but since I've been booking the same delivery slot every week (I have Tesco delivery pass), I've shaved about 20% off my bills as I'm just not physically in a supermarket. You could try their delivery pass on a month trial?

Also if you have delivery pass click and collect is free to store so you could order bins, uniform etc.

Also you could reduce activities - they have say swimming plus one other of their choosing.

Clearly your DH should be doing more and whilst night working is grim, he could be doing some daily chores before or after his shift e.g. Making packed lunch, cleaning the bathroom etc.

I think you're doing too much of the load.

Firstly DH needs to do more.

Buy more school uniform if possible.

Challenge school to provide meals that your children can eat. DH to do packed lunches before he goes to work/bed.

Iron nothing or minimal if you can't bear that.

Grocery shop online. Now takes 10 mins on app. It's so easy. Hour or so saved a week.

Meal plan and batch cook. Borrow books from library or use internet for inspiration.

Have you thought about a slow cooker? You can do the food prep the night before then just put everything in and switch on in the morning before you go to work.

Yes I think your right I need to be stricter with the girls, I think I’m too tired to be strict but I need to put the effort in. It just feels like as I clean up the kitchen they are making a mess round the rest of the house!

Do you do a menu plan? So you know exactly what you're cooking every day? How long does cooking take? What kind of meals do you eat? Pasta and pesto is far quicker to prepare than a big roast.

You could check the prices of other shops online against your Aldi receipts - I order from Tesco sometimes although I do my main shopping in Aldi and some things are as cheap or cheaper, depending on offers. It might save you some time if you were getting some stuff online. I find some things are actually cheaper.

I don't iron at all unless it's a wedding, funeral or interview. Clothes that should be ironed are never left in the machine, they come straight out and get a good shake and straightening out.

If the girls ask you about playing, ask them to tidy up, so you have time to play.

I've had to deal with bedwetting too. Have you tried bedmats or incontinence pads? I got the latter in Aldi. It absorbs the wet and prevents most of it going through to the sheet, and dries quickly after washing.

Slow cooker.

Kylie sheets for beds.

Children can do some basic chores like empty bins?

Low rate care is an hour a day. Does the extra bathing, creaming, and dealing with an bed wetting and day time accidents, preparing special food due to their allergies do they take an hour or more?
You can include the time to calm your dc if they resist you creaming due to pain. Also stopping them from scratching themselves.
Also the fact that they can't wear pull ups due their skin conditions which is why their care needs re accidents take longer.
Basically anything you do your for dc that you wouldn't do for a child without their health issues.
If food allergies are very severe and you have to watch them all day in case theyveat something and they are under about 8 they would qualify for middle rate.

I have a slow cooker but have never used it

Ps I was Aldi shopper. The small increase to Asda is worth it and you do save money as I literally buy what I need.

I take and collect my DC to 10 clubs from Mon-Fri between them. Im a lone parent to 5, including a new born and I have three dogs to exercise daily. I suggest bathing them less for a start but to be honest having three DC of your DCs ages and only a couple of activities sounds a doddle to how hectic my life is I second that your partner should be doing way more.

Thank you I will look into dla, they have to bathe for 20 minutes then be creamed then steroid cream applied, so am not sure if it takes an hour but it’s worth looking into thank you

Helpful competitive and insulting Roger

Another thing, you mention your tiredness. Have you been to the doctor for a checkup and blood tests? Would be worth it to check you're not anaemic or something.

And it doesn't matter if another family do more than you, it's how you feel that's important so please don't compare yourself unfavourably to anyone else.

Your DHs days off are Mon and Tues - get him to collect the children from school every Tuesday and organise them at home e.g. Reading, spellings and he can also cook the evening meal.
With the money saved from the children not being in the after school club on a Tuesdays you then pay for a cleaner for a couple of hours each week.
On line food shop every week. Batch cook when you can.
I think your DH really needs to step up and take on not only some domestic jobs but also spend more time with his children as he works at weekends.