Is it unreasonable to tell parent if their child has been a bit of a git on a playdate?

[CosmicStrider]

DH and I both work full time so don't do the play date thing much. Today has been the first time in a long time we have had one of DS's friends from school (both Y1).

The boy hasn't been naughty as such, but has a mouth on him. Very cheeky, for example he has said:

"If i knew it was going to be this rubbish I wouldn't have come"
"He isn't my friend" x 100
"I hate these toys. I am just going to sit on the stairs until this boring time is over"
"You must be a rubbish family as you have rubbish stuff"

He also likes to shriek in an earbleeding way.

My DH has said he isn't coming again. Not to the boy, but to me and I should tell his mum when she collect him. I won't. I think it is pointless and in the interests of maintaining a school playground relationship with her, just not worth any potential upset.

What do others do? Is it unreasonable to tell a parent their child has been a bit shitty, and risk upsetting them, if there has been no real harm done?

Or when m arrives, if she asks, just say to her, well he did not seem to enjoy it, some of what little Johnny was saying wasent very nice.

I would definitely say something along the lines of "I'm sorry (your child) appeared not to enjoy himself, said it was rubbish here and we had rubbish toys. So I'm afraid the playdate didn't work out all that well".
I'd want to know if it were my child.

Ugh nothing worse than other peoples bratty kids. I would, like several other pp's just end the playdate, text the mum and get the kid picked up asap.

I would be honest when parent asked why and say the kid didn't appear to be having much fun, so decided the playdate was over.

In my house visiting kids are always welcome, but they are expected to behave in a civil fashion or they can feck off home again.

Queenofwands.

Best answer I’ve seen in response to these type of dilemmas.

I would have text the mum to come and collect on the early side as he didn’t appear to be enjoying himself. No point in him being there if he was unhappy. Your poor DS.

My experience is that some parents really don't want to know if their children have been rude or badly behaved. If you tell them they will generally pin the blame on you in their minds, it's never their little darlings fault.

I used to have to pick up a couple of my DD's friends from school and look after them for about an hour one day a week - one day both were very badly behaved and rude to me - told both mum's - one got her DD to apologise to me, but the other stopped speaking to me and told everyone I had slagged off her DD unfairly - so beware.

Reminds me of one child we invited over when my DD2 was then 6 years old. Never invited that girl again. She broke toys and stole lots of little ones as well.
Was a bully to my DD2 for years later. But she had pretended to be her friend to get at her stuff. Vile child!

I would be honest and say tbh he’s been quite the handful today and hasn’t enjoyed himself.

TBH I'd have told him that if he didn't stop being so rude and horrid i would have to call his parents to pick him up early.

The etiquette is just to not invite him back.

We have one like this. Unfortunately lives near us and is daughter's best friend so not in the "we won't have them back" category.

However in the last few weeks she has... taught younger sister's friend "the finger", repeatedly burped for effect (ignoring it didn't work), and the finest just today was pour hairspray into my daughters water bottle. Thankfully she told my daughter... but after I over egged the "s he could have poisoned you both" I have no idea how to handle it. 90% of the time she's fine. And then....

I would just say 'i'm afraid he didn't seem to enjoy being here and didn't really want to play with [my son], sorry about that'.
I wouldn't feel comfortable telling the truth 'he was a rude git' but at the same time i'd want the other mum to know that a repeat was not on the cards.

He’s year 1. Loads of them are badly behaved. I’d just not invite again

I agree with saying that it seems that X didn't have a good time as he said everything was rubbish. Let the Mum drar her own conclusions from that

I'd be honest with the parents, and if it were my child I'd want to know.

Cappucino that one would be in the 'not coming back' category, best friend or no! What the hell does she have to do to get banned? She's clearly pushing to see exactly how far she can go!

No don't say anything it's not worth the faff - just don't ever invite him again.

In year 1 they are still so so young. They are 5! Whilst I wouldn’t put up with it I wouldn’t judge either. When I have play dates and the children are rude/unkind/Brattish I treat them as I would my own. “Now, that is not a very kind thing to say, we don’t speak like that in our home. If you are really bored perhaps we should call your mum and tell her to come and pick you up” kind of thing. I 100% would not grin and bear it but would pull them up on any unwanted behaviour just as I would my own kids. They are still so little and need guidance support when away from their home i think.
Saying that, we are in a school which is really community spirited. Inner London primary. We all look out for each other’s kids as if they were our own and I truly mean that. I would expect any parent I leave ds with to do the same. He has got told off at play dates before and him and the mum have told me together. We then talk about it and I make him apologise —while wanting to die from the shame—. But he had always been invited back.

In your circumstances I would have picked up the child on their cheekiness myself (the word boring is forbidden in our house) and if they didn’t amend their behaviour I’d have called their parents to come and take them home.

I do tell parents about their children’s poor behaviour. Not in an accusatory manner. Just in a straightforward “this happened and this is how I dealt with it” way.

If I’ve had to tell their kids off I think the parents are entitled to know.

The kids learn that you don’t misbehave at Ben’s house and everyone behaves nicely next time.

I’ve never had a parent have a problem with it. Everyone always accepts repeat invitations.

Lots of MNers seem to worry terribly about confrontations. Needlessly in my view.

If you are polite, honest and friendly people generally receive what you are saying pretty well.

I often wonder on threads where people say “no one invites my D.C. for play dates and I don’t know why” whether all that some of the OPs just need is a kind person to be honest with them.

Inertia - I should probably start one thread rather than derail. But they play together a lot so it s only the occasional 5 mins where something goes "wrong" and i think she lacks impulse control. My daughter doesn't have many friends and friends mother is a close friend. But yes. if it were a random friend she would not be back.

I haven't worked out whether to tell mum about t he hair spray. We did about the finger!

My DD invited a new girl back from school once. After an hour of some of the most obnoxious behaviour I'd ever seen, I'd had enough and took her home myself saying an emergency had come up and I needed to drop her back.
I was very unsure of what to say/do about it, and was worried that if I told DD she was never coming here again, she'd repeat it but oddly enough I soon clicked that she never went for 2nd play dates with other kids too. I just made excuses every time DD asked and thankfully the novelty of this girl wore off.

Smile, don't call us we'll call you.

Shut door enjoy peace.

I'd take the cowards way out and not say anything but there certainly wouldn't be a future invite.

Cappucino send her home every time she steps over the bounds. Tell her mother why she's been sent home every time.

She'll learn what’s not acceptable in your home and her parents will hopeful deal with her behaviour from their end.

And yes of course you should tell her about the hairspray, that’ Pretty serious.