to have surgery even though my DP says no

[BoggyPigeon]

NC for this but have been a MNer for absolute years, just a bit embarrassed to be asking.

I have been in a relationship with DP for about 9 months. All going well.

Before we started dating, I was considering having some minor cosmetic surgery. I'm not getting any younger, and have a job where my face is quite important, in a shallow and ridiculous way, but it is. I have deep lines around my eyes and mouth, and have always fancied a slightly plumper bottom lip to boot. I earn well, have researched the risks and reputable clinics to within an inch of insanity, and had decided early last year that I would treat myself.

I met my DP shortly before, and was so caught up in the honeymoon of gorgeous first dates and shagging like rabbits and feeling sexy and alive, that the botox-and-fillers fantasy took a back seat.

Last week we were with friends for dinner and after a couple of glasses of wine she turned and said (not unkindly) that she could fix me up with her 'face lady' if I wanted. My DP quickly but firmly said 'NO WAY'. I laughed it off, embarrassed.

I jokily raised it again with my DP later on and he again objected. I pointed out that it's my face to do what I like with. I changed the subject. We are both firm characters but we seldom argue and our relationship is equal.

Would I be being unreasonable to just have a little bit of botox anyway? It's my face, my career, my money, and if we had got together 2 weeks later I'd have had it done by then anyway. I don't want to be deceitful but he doesn't seem to want to discuss it. We have many mutual friends who have all had it done and they look amazing, haven't gone too far with it, and have no horror stories or regrets. I feel like a shit even asking, but why should anyone else dictate what I can do with my face? Our relationship is wonderful, and I don't want to rock it.

I have had botox a few times and no one has ever guessed as it is subtle. It makes me feel better. It is not done for anyone else. Same as shaving my legs and waxing my bikini line and plucking my eyebrows - done for me and no one else. There is such an inaccurate perception of botox based on the minority of individuals who take it too far but the vast majority is not like that and you simply look fresher and rested. I would find it controlling if any man wanted to stop me. How come it is not ok for them to tell me what to wear or what I can or can't do in my social life or with my money but it's ok for them to veto botox? Can't see a difference myself. I do not wear any make up apart from lipstick and botox makes my unmade up face look fresh but not fixed or plastic and I have plently of expressions.
I get that some don't like it same as some don't like hollywoods but live and let live.

Women might do it to make themselves more confident, but how confident would you feel knowing that other people find your appearance weird and unnatural?

Eh? If you think that Botox or fillers treatment gives those results you need reeducating.

If you can tell, it's been overdone.

FFS stop posting rubbish.

Why do you suddenly care. You said when with your DP in the beginning you felt fine. Now you suddenly want this why? To join in with everyone else? He feels you don't need it. Take that as a compliment that he loves you for who you are and screw what anyone else thinks. You were happy before this lady mentioned it to you.

LaGattaNera

how do you now this ? how do You know that they don't know and chose not to ask or say anything.. ? people using Botox stand out like a red balloon in the clear blue sky.. it's just fairly apparent x

ok then Gemini I stand corrected sorry to express my opinion and experience, evidently deluding myself

Haven't RTFT - just skimmed it. But there was a thread on here a couple days ago about a man who'd grown a beard without his partner's permission - the thread was largely lighthearted but there were definitely some "ugh, gross, I'd never let my DP grow a beard" type comments. It is your face, but your partner is affected to a small extent by what you do with it. I feel like his opinion warrants some consideration, though not full veto rights.
Bit rude of your friend to bring it up though!

'm just talking from past experiences of men who've been genuinely unsettled by what women have done to their faces

That's not what's important here what's important is if OP and anyone else who has Botox makes them feel better about themselves, the world doesn't revolve around men.

This is when I wish we could put photos of ourselves on here to guess who has had Botox lol!

Dh was the same. I had it done anyway.

Dh was very controlling in a lot of ways. Telling me what to do with my face was one of them.

No one actually notices when i have it topped up. When i mention i have it, people are shocked and ask for her number. But it does make me feel better. I actually dont care if it makes me vain. We all have flaws. No is perfect.

Dh did find out and attempted to go mad until i pointed out it wasnt his money or his face. And i dont tell him what to do with himself even though it might not be what i would do.

If you want it, Op, do it. If he leaves you for it, it wasnt much of a relationship in the first place.

This is when I wish we could put photos of ourselves on here to guess who has had Botox
I may or may not have Googled "Botox blind test" to see if strangers can accurately detect Botox/not Botox on unknown fe/male faces.

And what was the result?! Lol

Your face, your choice. But he may dump you. Plus your friend suggesting it is way out of line- so rude.

Of course it's up to you, but you have to weigh up the fact that he may find you less attractive (physically and as a person) afterwards. If I were single I may consider having mybreasts augmented but I won't do it because I know my husband would not just disapprove but as actually find me less attractive. If I really hated my breasts I'd do it anyway, but I'd have to accept the fact that it would affect his perception of me and attraction to me. Personally I want him to find me attractive so I wouldn't do it, just as I told him early in our relationship that he looked like a thug with his hair cut really short and he hasn't ever cut it that short again. That's not being controlling, it's just taking your partner's feelings into account. If he ever told me I wasn't ALLOWED to do something, that's a completely different story.

Honestly, my mum started out with a few injections here and there and ended up spending £40k plus on cosmetic surgery and procedures. Once she fixed one perceived flaw she would find something else to fixate on.

Personally I detest the media obsession with women being unable to show any signs of ageing, it's so massively destructive. There are women in the media who refuse to conform to this and I hope this will be more common as time goes on, but I definitely wouldn't want to perpetuate it. It's really harmful. I'm sick of seeing film and TV where men are with women 10-20 years younger than them but it's not mentioned so the implication is that they're the same age. I hate seeing women who are in their early 30s who've clearly already had work done. I really hate the impact that this has on women's self confidence and self worth as a whole.

Do you actually believe that your current physical signs of ageing are preventing your career opportunities, really? Are you someone who has to struggle for every job or are in demand / well known? Once you have this, what happens when you get older and your face starts to drop beyond the scope of injections? All of these are factors that I would consider.

I am sorry to burst your Botox bubbles but you can tell if someone has had it done, even if it doesn't freeze your face there is something unnatural about it. Wrinkles are natural why should society tell us that they are unacceptable?

Having a small amount of Botox in one area will NOT make you totally wrinkle free. Most people don't use it all over their face, just the areas they want to target.

You will know so many people who use Botox, you just won't know it.

Goose you can't all the time, you can mostly tell if it's over done or been used for an eyebrow lift.

I am still shocked that a friend thought it was ok to offer you s face fixer

With lip fillers , do you lose sensation in your lips ? I know a couple of people who have had this done and their lips look sort of inflexible iyswim ?
Botox , I know a few people who have this done , two of them , they just look like a previous poster said more refreshed somehow , in fact if they hadn't told me I would not have known ,the others just look sort of permanently startled .
Go to a really good plastic surgeon , and have a consultation , the ones who are really good , want you to look you great , you are their best advert .

You shouldn't lose sensation in your lips if it's done properly and not over filled, those who look like they've lost sensation have normally had filler in the corners of their mouths to 'turn their lips up'.

It's you body, face etc you can do what you want

The thing is plastic surgery is like marmite, for me I don't think it makes people look younger (ok maybe a bit of discrete Botox can) but makes people look weird. I stop being able to pay attention to what someone is saying and just think how odd they have chosen to make their face. I am aging, we all are, it's a path that has downsides and upsides. If someone wants to potentially mess around with themselves to fight the aging it indicates (to me anyway!) all sorts of things to do with their general level of contentment which doesn't match mine.

He may just not be able to look or feel about you in the same way again if you do it, but then maybe also that indicates to you that there could be someone more attuned to you than him.

Fact is even when done well these procedures make you look weird and unnatural. I'm yet to meet a man who isn't unsettled by such surgery - Firstly, that is not a fact, it is your opinion. Secondly, How many male opinions have you sought to make this sweeping statement?

These bloody know it alls who insist that they can tell anyone and everyone who has had botox or fillers are so tedious. And ignorant.

I am sorry to burst your Botox bubbles but you can tell if someone has had it done, even if it doesn't freeze your face there is something unnatural about it.

Has it crossed your mind that if you can tell if someone has had it done, it hasn't been done properly? That there may be people around who have had it done and you can't tell? (Which is actually the idea).

I am sorry to burst your Botox bubbles but you can tell if someone has had it done, even if it doesn't freeze your face there is something unnatural about it

This is simply, bollocks. Good botox is just that. It looks completely natural. People only notice the bad jobs.

If you want it, Op, do it. If he leaves you for it, it wasnt much of a relationship in the first place.

Yeah, this.

If you want it, Op, do it. If he leaves you for it, it wasnt much of a relationship in the first place.

Yeah, this.