**Trigger Warning - sensitive subject Title edited by MNHQ** I am absolutely heartbroken and I need to know I'm not being unreasonable to end a friendship *Very sensitive subject*

[PhDPepper]

I had a molar pregnancy this year and it was fucking awful. I’ve seen a ‘friend’ today in the street and she completely blanked me. I messaged her when I got home and asked what was wrong.

And I got back a tirade of abuse about how I’d had an abortion and killed my baby and that if I never got pregnant again it would be karma.

I did have a D&C to remove the molar pregnancy but it wasn’t a baby, it was a complete molar pregnancy with no genetic tissue. It fucking broke me to have that operation but I’ve never considered it to be an abortion.

I have not replied as it’s totally flawed me, but I need to know im not being unreasonable to tell her to go fuck herself

@mumofmany81 that is exactly how I felt at the time, so many mixed emotions and so much confusion

PLEASE reply to her. Let her feel like a cunt!!! Then she might think twice before being so damn judgemental & cruel to someone else in future! Then block her!

Also, please point out the fact that whilst you were undergoing Chemotherapy, she was bitching about you! Really make her feel like the nasty, heartless cow that she is!

PhD I'm so sorry for what you've been through

If I'm completely honest I think you need to respond to this nasty, judgmental bitch. She needs to feel ashamed of herself.

But you definitely need to block her.

Oh PhD
** How traumatic for you. Molar pregnancies are beyond cruel, they truly are.
I’m torn between you educating her and slapping her. As others state-what if you had an abortion? Who is she to push her beliefs on you.
However, you are clearly a much nicer person than her. In which case, I’d send her a wiki link or screenshot for her tiny mind, a short message saying how disgusted and hurt you are, then blocketty block blockington.
Love to you and DH through this time.

I would tell her to look up what a molar pregnancy is before she judges you. Then I would tell her to fuck herself. Stupid cow

Stupid cow* -her, not you!

OP, so sorry for your loss and for the awful Facebook fiasco - that’s the last thing you need to have happen.

That woman is a terrible person and I think you did the right thing not to engage with her at all.

It’s not your job to educate her - she’s shown her true colours and if you explain anything to her, it would likely be seen as an invitation to apologise and to discuss the situation. She’s an arsehole and you did well to cut her loose.

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through op. A few years ago I had to have a termination due to severe prenatal depression, I was less than 10 weeks gone and I was barely functioning, I can’t remember much at all from finding out I was pregnant until after the procedure. All I know is I based my decision on the fact I couldn’t function for the 2 dc I already had and my dh and family were concerned for their (and my safety). I was absolutely devastated at having to make the decision and it weighs heavy on me now.
A month or 2 after the procedure, I noticed a “friend” had deleted me from Facebook and I asked a mutual friend (df) if she knew why. Apparently this “friend” had been going round telling people how she was totally against abortion and how I was evil, horrible and was using it as a form of contraception among other things. Df said “you know what she’s like, has an opinion on everything” and tried to placate me. I was fragile then and didn’t think I could face a show down but now I really wish i’d Told her what had happened! Yes she shouldn’t have judged in the first place but I feel like there would’ve have been people who only heard her side who would agree with her. It sometimes just pops into my head that I didn’t explain myself (although I shouldn’t have to) and that gets to me. With hindsight if I was in your situation i’d Have to explain to her what happened and then tell her to fuck off and then block.

Wow I'm shocked at how horrible this "friend" treated you. I'm so terribly sorry. I also had a molar pregnancy back in 1996 when I was 20 and it was devastating. I was so young and hadn't even heard of a molar pregnance before and then I felt I wasn't allowed to grieve as it wasn't really a baby, which is such crap because of course I should have grieved. It took me 3 years to really come to terms with it all. I can't imagine if one of my friends treated me like this. What a heartless, ignorant fool. She is not worth your time or energy. I'm so sorry.

Phd

I think the thing that makes me angriest is that... even if you HAD aborted an otherwise healthy pregnancy, WHAT EFFING BUSINESS IS IT OF HERS?

I agree with PP. Tell her it was a molar pregnancy. Include a link. Make her feel really crap about herself. Then add that line - "But even if I HAD aborted an otherwise healthy pregnancy, WHAT F*ING BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS?"

She needs to have SEVERAL seats. No, scratch that - she needs to have all the seats in Yankee Stadium. Seriously. Sit DOWN and get educated, OP's ex-friend.

"for the sake of the friendship we had - a molar pregnancy doesn't have a baby. There was never a baby, only a mass of cells that could never have become one. Now I have to undergo chemo as it was life-threatening.

[link to molar pregnancy site]

I wish very much it had been a baby. We really thought it was and were very exited until the doctors said otherwise. My husband and I need time to get over the grief. Please do not contact me again"

Can't begin to imagine how awful this is for you Phd. Wishing you the best

Whether or not she knows what a molar pregnancy is, I’m surprised there’s anybody out there so stupid they don’t know the difference between a D&C (ERPC) and an abortion. Your “friend” sounds like a nasty, judgemental, uneducated bitch who doesn’t deserve your headspace. 💐 for you op.

PhD so sorry about the molar pregnancy. Agree with people on here that your so called friend needs to be educated.

for you and your DH, take care of each other.

I have woken up utterly furious this morning - still seething about this on your behalf! I do so wish that this horrible woman would turn out to be a keen mumsnetter who had read this thread, recognised herself and now feels truly terrible!

Hope you had a lovely evening with a delicious take-away and I know this wont really make much difference after what you have been through but everyone on this thread is horrified by this woman and we are all thinking of you and sending you our love and strength.

wow u even explained it and she comes out with that

what sort of person is she

I think the thing that makes me angriest is that... even if you HAD aborted an otherwise healthy pregnancy, WHAT EFFING BUSINESS IS IT OF HERS?

Yes, and this ^ too. How awful to judge anyone like that, let alone say it to their face when they’re at their most vulnerable.

What an absolute thundercunt this “friend” is. How dare she speak to you like that, and judge you in such a horrible way? What you have been through is horrible and traumatic.

Did you or your DH reply to her in the end?

So a bit of an update- I was going to just block her but then this morning I had a message from a mutual friend asking if I had spoken to shitty friend recently as she was really upset I’d had an abortion ffs. So I explained to mutual friend that it wasn’t an abortion. And messaged shitty friend,
Hi I am absolutely appalled by your ignorance, you clearly have no compassion and I hope to god you never have to go through a molar pregnancy. I had a molar pregnancy this year as you know, it was not an abortion and I had to have chemotherapy, I suggest you do some research on it

It was fucking horrific to go through this this year and I really thought you were my friend and supportive, I don’t want anything else to do with you.

Then I got a response this afternoon essentially saying she didn’t know what a molar pregnancy was and thought I’d made it up, then asked me if I was intending on coming to her child’s first birthday party or ‘should we expect a cheque in the post for her’

So I told her neither and that she should just go fuck herself. I cannot believe her

Fucking hell. I have no words, OP.

Mutual ‘friend’ sounds fucking awful too.

Really good responses OP. What a nasty, ignorant tosser.

Even if you HAD had an abortion, for any reason whatsoever, her words would have been hateful and the friendship over.

Yes, mutual friend deserves a message putting her straight too.

Wow. No words.

I think I’ll block them both now