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AIBU?

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Original poster

**Trigger Warning - sensitive subject Title edited by MNHQ** I am absolutely heartbroken and I need to know I'm not being unreasonable to end a friendship *Very sensitive subject*

359 replies

PhDPepper · 23/10/2017 19:04

I had a molar pregnancy this year and it was fucking awful. I’ve seen a ‘friend’ today in the street and she completely blanked me. I messaged her when I got home and asked what was wrong.

And I got back a tirade of abuse about how I’d had an abortion and killed my baby and that if I never got pregnant again it would be karma.

I did have a D&C to remove the molar pregnancy but it wasn’t a baby, it was a complete molar pregnancy with no genetic tissue. It fucking broke me to have that operation but I’ve never considered it to be an abortion.

I have not replied as it’s totally flawed me, but I need to know im not being unreasonable to tell her to go fuck herself

OP posts:
AllRightNowInFactItsAGas · 23/10/2017 21:27

PhDPepper - something like this, only no this happened to me. It has taken me 3.5 years to stop being 'as' angry and upset and to even attempt to forgive, which I am just now able to work on (for my own sake). I feel your pain and wish it would go away. Flowers

Rescuepuppydaft2 · 23/10/2017 21:49

Op, I am so, so sorry for what you have been through xxx

I agree with others who have said to let your dh reply! A message saying

'How dare you!!! My wife did NOT have an abortion, she was devastated to find that instead of the healthy baby we hoped for, she had a molar pregnancy with no genetic material! Then she had to go through a traumatic procedure to remove that cancerous molar pregnancy! She has been through chemotherapy, as well as the hell of having to explain this on Facebook because of dodgy group privacy settings! She explained all of this on her Facebook post!!! Perhaps you need your eyes testing, or perhaps you are not intelligent enough to read my wives post, either way its not difficult to use google!! There is absolutely no excuse for the tirade of abuse that you subjected my wife to!!! You are a horrible, judgemental human being and I hope that you are thoroughly ashamed at your own behaviour!!!

AdalindSchade · 23/10/2017 21:54

I wouldn't reply. You don't have to defend yourself because even if you had had an abortion you wouldn't be wrong. She deserves no explanation from you!

5BlueHydrangea · 23/10/2017 21:56

Well said RescuePuppydaft2
She needs to be told how much she has hurt you with her unnecessary message. She should have just kept quiet. A true friend would support you even if it made them uncomfortable or unhappy.

CocoPuffsinGodMode · 23/10/2017 22:03

I wouldn’t get DH involved at all though I can understand why he’d be fuming. I would however reply to her with a link and tellher to educate herself as to what a molar pregnancy is, then block her. I know people say rise above it but I could not let this nasty fuckwit have another moment of feeling smug and self righteous which you can guess she does.

Yes she would have been out of order even if you had actually had an abortion but she doesn’t think that so I admit I’d want to make it clear how wrong she is in the hope that she’d cringe with embarrassment.

BMW6 · 23/10/2017 22:10

What an ignorant, judgemental and phenomenally stupid bitch.

I agree you should send one concise text to educate the cow and tell her to go fuck herself. Then block.

Flowers
JenTeale · 23/10/2017 22:11

I'm so sorry that the misery of your molar pregnancy has been compounded by your ex-friend's ignorance and arsery.

My first pregnancy was a molar, it was devastating and scary. Six years on it seems like a bad dream and I have three healthy dc. I hope there are many lovely things in store for you too.

SabineUndine · 23/10/2017 22:12

I would let your DH reply. This woman needs to know how awful she has been.

💐🍫

TammyswansonTwo · 23/10/2017 22:17

I'm so sorry you've had to endure so much pain, plus this idiotic piss-stain of a woman on top of it. Molar pregnancies, ectopic pregnancies and the like are so unbelievably cruel, and people have no idea what it's like to have to put an end to a pregnancy you desperately wanted but which cannot continue, unless they've been there themselves.

Is she religious? An old friend of mine had an ectopic which was found late - she needed surgery and almost died. She was shut out by her religious community who believed that with prayer the baby could have survived - not sure where they studied biology but clearly they missed out a few things. Some people are just hideous.

Please try not to waste too much of your precious energy on this woman. Set her straight, make sure she knows how much suffering you've had to endure and how she has exacerbated it, and then walk away. What a vile creature.

Sisinisawa · 23/10/2017 22:17

You could always post a screenshot of her text on Facebook and tag her then let everyone else tear her a new one...

susurration · 23/10/2017 22:53

Crikey what an awful thing! She is a complete and utter fuckwit.

It might also be worth pointing out to her that a D&C is not an abortion, as well as pointing out that it was molar pregnancy. My bet is that she doesn't understand people who have miscarried sometimes need a D&C too.

Sending you some hugs.

whathaveiforgottentoday · 23/10/2017 22:59

Sorry you had to go through this and you don't owe this woman an explanation. What she said was horrendous in your situation but it would also have been horrendous comment had you actually had an abortion. What a hateful woman.

BrandNewHouse · 23/10/2017 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monkeywithacowface · 23/10/2017 23:41

Actually I think "Go fuck yourself" is the perfect response.

Sorry for what you have been through Flowers

Italiangreyhound · 24/10/2017 00:10

I am so sorry for what you have experienced.

This person is horrible and ignorant. Let her go.

AtrociousCircumstance · 24/10/2017 00:17

Yes I agree with PP about letting everyone know exactly who she is - just how pigshit stupid and nasty she is.

That level of cruelty and stupidity deserves to be exposed.

Flowers for you OP.

DarkPeakScouter · 24/10/2017 00:20

I second contacting her with a brief ‘here’s what a molar pregnancy is, now fuck off’

kuniloofdooksa · 24/10/2017 00:21

Suggested text:
"I'm really very glad that you are ignorant of what a molar pregnancy is (do Google it) - because if you had already known this, I would never have found out what a nasty judgmental piece of work was masquerading as a friend. You've done me a big favour showing your true colours. Cheers."

Then block.

mrsgendry · 24/10/2017 00:23

Send her a link about molar pregnancy
Then tell her you hope her child never grows up to be as nasty and poisonous as her. Cowbag

I'm sorry for your loss, I'm not sorry you've lost such an awful 'friend' who has no business socially interacting with anybody.

TitaniasCloset · 24/10/2017 00:28

Was she a friend in real life too OP or just Facebook? She is stupid bitch either way.

I'm so sorry you went through this Flowers

Jux · 24/10/2017 00:31

Bitch! You are well rid.

I’m so sorry you had dto go through all that Flowers and then endure that cow’s ignorant rantings. In your position, I would not reply and hope to keep the moral high ground, but I’d be immensely pleased if my dh did tell her (face to face preferably, but text/fb would do).

lilly0 · 24/10/2017 00:39

She sounds very dim get rid who needs friends like her!

Dizzybintess · 24/10/2017 00:41

Awful awful woman.
Definately point out what a cockwomble she has been and then block!
Hope the wine and Chinese was nice you deserve it xxx

Jenny17 · 24/10/2017 00:43

Some people hear only what they want to hear. However there are better ways for her to deal with whatever moral outrage she has. She could've put her big girl panties on and had a good old chat and actually listen to you.

mumofmany81 · 24/10/2017 00:46

I would say definitely reply so that this really nasty piece of work will hopefully feel ashamed of herself. I've looked after women who have suffered molar pregnancies and I've also looked after women going through terminations of much wanted pregnancies because the baby had awful disabilities. The idea of any of them hearing such a disgusting thing from someone who is supposed to be a friend has made me really angry.

Molar pregnancies are really the cruelest thing I can think of - you go along to your 12 week scan all excited and hear that news. If you'd had a miscarriage people would be really sympathetic but there are many people who don't know what molar pregnancies are and therefore don't fully understand the emotional impact of it. You have such massive mixed emotions because you are mourning a baby that never existed and feel that you don't really have a right to do so but to you that baby existed for 12 weeks and you are allowed to mourn like you would for any baby. On top of this horrible mix of feelings you have to worry that you might develop cancer during the next year and have to undergo multiple tests. You also have the heartbreak of not being able to try for a baby for a year after because the pregnancy hormones can cause cancerous cells to grow faster as they feed off the hormones. It's such an awful thing to go through - my aunties first baby turned out to be a partial molar pregnancy and a close friend had a complete molar pregnancy two years ago. I'm so so sorry that you've had to go through such a horrible time and on top of that you've had to deal with this awful waste of space who you considered a friend. Definitely she should be made aware of what a disgusting person she is before you block her - how dare she think she can treat someone that way?