AIBU to think DD1 does have a hard life? People keep telling me she hasn't!

[AshleighandKelseyandMatthew]

DD is 21 and a newly qualified nurse, she went to a top uni for nursing a good 2 hours away from home, so it was rather stressful. Her student accommodation was extremely expensive (her grandfather helped pay but she does owe me some money for it).

She now lives in that town in a rather demanding job, full-time, trying to pay her rent (expensive) and pay for food, etc. I help her out and do help with her washing, etc. when I can, but that’s because she is extremely busy with her job.

I think it’s been hard for her.

DD2 thinks I’m having a giraffe, but she would say that! She brings up severe cases of ‘hard lives’ and says I should save my sympathy. I obviously am going to think of my children first though, aren’t I?

Friend thinks she’s had it very lucky with all the help. However, there are lots of people who have it better too...

So, AIBU to think this?

Try being a disabled single mother and homeless!!!!!!! And bloody penniless

Oh and I do have a degree before anyone looks down their noses at me

Why was her studying 2hrs away stressful?

She wasn't travelling everyday & could get home easily!

Do you do her washing when you visit?

Well, that's up to you.

If she brings it home-why?

I imagine the nursing is hard-but she chose it & must have known.

Surely not too hard to do her own washing?

Why would anyone look down on you?

No one can predict the future and people can find themselves in circumstances they never imagined finding themselves in.

And ATM the support for the disabled is disgustingly inadequate and therefore people are left penniless and homeless.

I hope things improve for you soon

Anyone else thinking a 4 hour round trip to get washing done probably takes longer than doing it at home - yourself?!

Being newly qualified was one of the best times as I had a great social life. Now I have two kids and I work 12 hour shifts. I’m tired.

Going to uni 2 hours away was stressful? For who?

Normal life. Is this a reverse?

Hard compared to who?

Your other daughter?

One of my sisters plays the victim far too easily and gets so much help it's untrue!!! It's not that I need the help I just don't want it pushed down my throat

Yabu

@PovertyPain I’m in tears at your post. You must be so proud of your son my dad is dying of cancer and is 350 miles away from me, it’s tough. I don’t know how your son managed with all that going on. What a clever, hardworking son you and your dh brought up.

I actually also had a hard life, but more than 1 person can.

My mum died when I was 9 and I had to make sure all the house was cleaned before he got home from work each day.

But which part of her life do you think is hard?

Hmm, OP your DD really does not have a hard life!

Unless there's something you've not mentioned, this is just about growing up

You start a job and live independently of your parents and deal with all the crappy day to day stuff such as rent and bills and washing etc etc

Then in a few years she may marry/get a dog/ have kids etc etc. Your responsibilities grow as you get older and it is a lot easier if you grow with them!

And it's also really irritating being the sibling who is deemed to be able to cope because you don't want to take advantage because your other sibling has your parents at their beck and call!!

Your eldest had you for their first few years on their own - let your youngest have the last few!!

Sorry but no her lifes not hard, she chose to go to uni and she chose to become a nurse.

The key to this is how your Dd2 feels . Are you running around evangelising about Dd1's top college and expensive rent while your Dd gets no attention? Will she get financial support when she goes to college? Does she get her washing done?

Omg. Is something missing here? Good job, family and financial support. Is this designed to rile people up?

By her age I was dealing with severe chronic pain on a cocktail of meds making me ill, my mum was a few months away from drinking herself to death, my brother was in prison and I was in tonnes of debt with no family home to return to. I'd been self harming for years. You do realise that hundreds, thousands of people have life MUCH worse than this? I consider myself incredibly lucky in so many ways and this isn't a pity post (I turned my life around and it's awesome now). But... what on earth makes you think your daughter has it tough? There has to be more to this or you're being a GF... or a phenomenally weirdly overprotective parent to the point of neurosis.

The hours she works, living away at such a young age, the demanding of the job. She is the first person in my family to go to uni and it does seem very demanding.

DD2 is retaking a year at sixth form so not at that stage yet.

OP, can you clarify why you think she has a hard life?
Of course more than one person can have a hard life, and it’s not ‘Top Trumps’, but nothing you’ve said so far suggests she has it any harder that many other people.

Surely she has chosen to live away though? And chosen to work a (very important) demanding job?

Are you sure this isn’t more about you missing your “baby” than anything else?

Ah ok cross post.
All my friends left home at 18 to go to uni. From my group of 8 school friends the closest was 1.5 hours away. I studied in Paris. Some came home for a bit afterwards to job hunt, most when straight into rented accommodation/house shares away from home. It really is very normal for young people.
Is she finding it particularly tough?

The hours she works, living away at such a young age, the demanding of the job.

This is normal!!

You should be proud of her achievements! Stop it.

Don’t think this is a hard life OP. Just the norm. It’s great that she is a nurse which is such an amazing profession to be involved in but she also needs to learn to be resilient.

Is there more to this than just doing her washing for your younger daughter to pick this up? Not nice for her to maybe feel like your first daughter is the favorite?

Does she bring her washing to your house?