AIBU to think DD1 does have a hard life? People keep telling me she hasn't!

[AshleighandKelseyandMatthew]

DD is 21 and a newly qualified nurse, she went to a top uni for nursing a good 2 hours away from home, so it was rather stressful. Her student accommodation was extremely expensive (her grandfather helped pay but she does owe me some money for it).

She now lives in that town in a rather demanding job, full-time, trying to pay her rent (expensive) and pay for food, etc. I help her out and do help with her washing, etc. when I can, but that’s because she is extremely busy with her job.

I think it’s been hard for her.

DD2 thinks I’m having a giraffe, but she would say that! She brings up severe cases of ‘hard lives’ and says I should save my sympathy. I obviously am going to think of my children first though, aren’t I?

Friend thinks she’s had it very lucky with all the help. However, there are lots of people who have it better too...

So, AIBU to think this?

If having to work and pay housing costs (and do your own washing) equate to having it hard, at what point do you expect it to get easier for her?
It's how the majority of people live

Adding to the YABUs

Not a hard life, even newly qualified nurses get a fair salary for new graduates ( all of who will have student debt these days unfortunately) , plus she has no depedents
I qualified as nurse in 1990, paid all my own bills, rent .... married Dr who was working in excess of 100hrs/week( yes really!)....now that was a hard life!
My eldest dd went to Uni 8 hrs from home and has had to cope for herself from the very start as no family nearby to help with washing/cooking....she's also just graduated and is now teaching in China- a 14 hr flight away....life is what you make it, don't perpetuate the myth of 'poor old you'

I don't care OP if you think this is true. But it is a very damaging message to give to your DC. She will have harder times than this.

I am a current student and wish my life was like that!
I'm currently:

-Studying full time in a scientific field
-Working two jobs
-Barely able to afford food
-Living around three hours away from home
-Can't afford to use the washing machines so I hand wash all of my clothes in the shower
-Have a parent too poor to be able to support me or visit me due to cost of the distance

Pros:

-I am now an excellent cook
-People tell me I work very hard
-I have mumsnet for company! woo!

Isn't it what is called life.

I take it she’s in good health. She’s a grown woman you know.

Just unbelievable.
I really hope this is a joke thread.

Well the life of a nurse is never easy that’s for sure

Is it any harder than the life of the rest of us though. I work long shifts and struggle to manage by the end of the month. I wouldn't say it's down to my chosen job. Its just adult life

Pretty normal IMO.

I can't see the issue with you helping her when you can. But not out of guilt or whatever because she has it so hard.

Fwiw, if you are comparing it with what your life was at that age, then I suspect this is true. But that's because the life all 20yo has become much harder than it was before! That's because our wages have shrunk in RL cost so you can much less on a lower wage. Whilst rent etc... has gone up by a lot.
This doesn't mean that it's a good idea to 'baby' your dd either or to make a victim.

No when I was young nurses had no loans, but worked longer hours. Some things are easier for 20 year olds now, some things harder.

YANBU- young people have it tough as everything is expensive (especially house prices).

She absolutely does not have a hard life. If you want to do stuff for her ( or I strongly suspect dd is actually a ds) then do it fir all your children.

Nursing really is a stressful place go be ATM possibly more so for newbies as so few are coming through now. Hurrah for DD1!

I think it's natural for parents to worry when everything seems so tough but I think it's a normal part of the 20s and establishing a career and independence etc.

You cant possibly be serious op?

OP isn't coming back

I went to uni 3 hours away
Paid my own rent
Worked while studying, had 2 part time jobs at one point often doing one from 6am-2pm then doing the other 4-9pm

I didn’t have a hard life. I had the life of a student!!!!

No - she has an average life. How bizarre that you would need this to be confirmed. It is also very, very irritating when parents do this about their children, just FYI.

I think she's very lucky to have a grandad who will help her financially and a mother who will help with chores, I would say a hard life would be someone doing all that without financial and family support, and paying rent away from home.

DS2 is a 3rd year student nurse and works part time in a pub. He lives 2 hours away from home, pays all his own rent (we pay his food, books and equipment). He's looking forward to qualifying so that he can have a bit of a rest by only having to work one job.

Nursing is a hard job, as are a lot of others.

PovertyPain
Your post had me in tears, I'm so sorry for your loss. What an amazing son you have raised to achieve so much in spite of his personal challenges and in the face of such sadness and grief.

This sounds pretty normal for a person her age, but that also doesn't mean life isn't hard you know? There's nothing wrong with you having some sympathy for your daughter. Nursing is a tough job and it wears you out.

Sh annoy had a hard life from how I'd interpret the meaning of that.

She's obviously worked hard though and why wouldn't you help her out if and when you can?

When my friend had an autoimmune thing but continued working FT I helped her out because she was knackered.

However compared to single parent on a low income with a disabled child me - she has it easy!

Helping people should be because you want to and can. You don't have to justify your reasons.

OP I can't help but think you may have left out some information?
My sister is a newly qualified nurse and struggles. She has a lot more help than your DAD (only because she lives at home). I think her work upsets her and has caused her MH issues.

But with starting wages at around £1400 p/month for a band 5, surely she can't be struggling financially? The hours are long and tough, I hope she settles in soon