AIBU to think DD1 does have a hard life? People keep telling me she hasn't!

[AshleighandKelseyandMatthew]

DD is 21 and a newly qualified nurse, she went to a top uni for nursing a good 2 hours away from home, so it was rather stressful. Her student accommodation was extremely expensive (her grandfather helped pay but she does owe me some money for it).

She now lives in that town in a rather demanding job, full-time, trying to pay her rent (expensive) and pay for food, etc. I help her out and do help with her washing, etc. when I can, but that’s because she is extremely busy with her job.

I think it’s been hard for her.

DD2 thinks I’m having a giraffe, but she would say that! She brings up severe cases of ‘hard lives’ and says I should save my sympathy. I obviously am going to think of my children first though, aren’t I?

Friend thinks she’s had it very lucky with all the help. However, there are lots of people who have it better too...

So, AIBU to think this?

No she doesn’t have a hard life, she has a nice life with a loving family who have given her a good work ethic and the help and support she needs to get a great qualification. Many of us did the same along with our own laundry too!

Op, if you want to help & are able to help then good on you. It doesn’t matter if her life is easy or hard, she is your daughter and if you want to help her out somethings there is no reason why you shouldn’t.

She has a job AND has to buy food and pay rent? My god, you're right, the poor wee thing has the hardest time ever. Where is my tiny violin?

Don't be so silly. And don't tell her she has a hard life, she might start to believe you.

Please do not pass on to her your idea that this is a hard life. Even the luckiest person has it far harder at some time than this. For example, we all have to deal with bereavement and illness.

She has a perfectly normal life. Working full time,paying bills, but also with support and help from her families. Those living on Trust funds with a nice family have it easier, but that does not cover many people.

No I wouldn't say it's a hard life but people saying "Oh she works full time like most adults" are underestimating the impact of 12+hr night shifts. It's a world away from the 9-5.

Going to a top uni and having expensive (probably nice) accommodation and getting a job in a nice area along with only living 2 hours away from family who care about you and also still do your washing for you ? Yep. Sounds like a hard life to me.

Go to work full time
Pay rent
But food

Good lord. In surprised she hasn't been nominate for some kind of award.

What she is doing is normal. Totally normal and what he majority of the people in the UK do. She (and you) should be glad she has a secure reasonably well paid job. Many graduates and even non graduates aren't so lucky. I feel sorry for your dd2 to be honest.

Poor wee lamb

id say she has a hard, demanding job in lots of ways, but a hard life, no. A friend of mine recently qualified as a social worker, she has 9 kids. i'm in awe of her. I'm at uni doing a similar subject to your dd with 3 kids and no help as a single a parent with a disability and whilst things can definitely be challenging and exhausting at times, i don't think i have a hard life now. it was hard when i didn't have enough money to eat or have a roof over my head.
its nice of you to help her, but she also needs to learn to fend for herself. do you help dd2 out in the same way?

Gosh I don't know what you'll do if she ever does have problems! You should be happy that she's landed on her feet!

When I was 21 I was studying abroad in France, living there with my DH who was working part-time as a nanny and didn't speak much French, and our two guinea pigs. We lived off his wages, my student loans & grants. That year we saw our family for a week or so over the Christmas period, DH went over again for a week over the Easter period but I couldn't as I had exams to revise for, and then we moved back to the UK in the June. We got no direct financial support from anyone and certainly nobody was doing our chores for us (DH basically did them all given he was underemployed) yet we maintained a decent standard of living. I wouldn't call that a hard life but nor would I call your DD's a hard life. We now live in the same city as our respective families but I don't think this has really made our lives much 'easier' as we still are financially independent and do all our own chores given we are grown-ups...

She’s not having too hard a life. In employment with prospects, a loving family, accommodation and food. Many face much more hardship.
It’s nice to help both financially and practically because we love them but don’t go feeling sorry for her.
University 2 hours away is near to home compared to most of mine.
My eldest daughter works an average 60 hour week, rotating to nights one week in three, hardly sees her boyfriend as they’re very on opposite rotas. She has just moved into their first home together and have to pay the mortgage, bills etc. Then there is buying furniture. They think they are very lucky. Her university was six hours drive minimum.

You are a lovely mum and I hope she appreciates you. I am sure she has a demanding job and you are lightening her load but she doesn’t have it too bad.

Sounds like she has the same life as every other 21 year old nurse. It doesn’t sound like a hard life. Hard job, but I imagine everyone feels that their job is hard at the beginning.

I don't think your DD has a hard life at all OP.

She has clearly done well to study, qualify and and gain full time employment.

She has your help with doing her washing (but she is only 1 person) and she has financial assistance from yourself too. Do you do her food shopping and cook meals for her?

That's not a hard life - she's incredibly lucky!

At 21, I had been working full time for 3 years and living on my own (lodger in a house). I had no one to help me financially, no one to do my washing or ironing .

But I loved it because I learned to look after myself, be independent and be a responsible Human being.

That wasn't a hard life though. I can think of many many scenarios that would be classed as a hard life.

That's just life.

Nope not a hard life. Very much a normal adult life except that mummy does her laundry for her

Yes nursing is a demanding career choice, but she's 21 with no dependents, she's fine!

My best friend is a full time nurse. She pays all her own bills and does all her own washing and she’d laugh you out of the place if you suggested she had a hard life.
I’m not sure what’s hard about working full time and paying your rent, especially when you have such a helpful mum too.

Yes OP YABU.
She has a good job that she loves, somewhere to live that she can afford presumably, no other responsibilities and a loving family. That sounds like a pretty good life.

Anyone else thinking OPs DD is her PFB? How dare she be expected to work AND pay rent AND pay for food?!

And doing this job at her age when you are young and healthy, is way easier than doing it in 40 years time.

Are you prioritising her over DD2? It sounds like she's jealous. Are you constantly telling her how hard DD1's life is? That's no fun for a sibling to hear constantly.

Please explain why you think her life is so hard, it sounds like most peoples' lives to me - you work hard to pay for food and rent and you do your own washing - am I not getting something?

You say it was hard as she lived two hours from home but she was in student accommodation so not having to commute - so why was that 'hard' .

Please tell me you're joking. Shall we play the hard life game?

Just before my middle boy went to uni, a plane ride away, my DH was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He was going to give up his dreams of uni to help me nurse my husband, but I was never going to permit that. He wasn't entitled to a grant/loan, because he had studied a HND and was entitled to go into 2nd year of a particular course, but didn't want to do that one, but another, which meant he'd have to start in first year.

Again, said he would wait and work to save the money, instead we gave him the last of my DH's life insurance, to pay student fees and he got a loan for rent. That meant he had absolutely no income. We could only afford to send him between £25-£40 a week. We couldn't afford to send him money for new clothes and his clothes were scruffy and worn, as we had to keep money for him to come home for visits, as, naturally he wanted to see my DH, as much as possible. He genuinely went hungry. He has dyslexia/dyscalculia and dyspraxia, but stuck at it and has graduated with a first (yes, boasting)

The last time he saw my DH was when my dear sweet husband was dying in a hospice. I don't normally play top trumps, but catch a fucking grip.

Er, what’s having a giraffe mean? Is it Cockney rhyming slang for having a laugh?