To think that I'm a bloody grown up and that I'll work wherever I want to and live wherever I want to?

[HelpMeMike]

First of all let me start off by saying that I'm 26 and still live at home. My parents have always been slightly overprotective of me but I feel like the older I get, the more overprotective and controlling they become.

I've worked since I was 18 but only on part time contracts and I've always tried to take on as much overtime as I could to try and boost my hours up to as close to full time as I could but there were times when I was still working only my contract hours. Anyway I have just been offered a full time job in an area which I have no experience in but would like to work in so naturally I have accepted it. I told my parents fully expecting them to be happy for me but they (especially my dad) just went off it with me instead. They keep telling me that it will be too much for me, that I won't cope, I will be tired and I should just stay where I am (working 16 hours in a restaurant). I think I am a perfectly capable intelligent adult but they just keep making me feel so useless and thick.

I want to take this job and move out but it's the same thing with moving out too...they say I won't be able to afford it, it will be too much for me, etc.

I want to give this new job a try and start enjoying life a bit but they just seemed so determined to hold me back and I'm scared of the fall out that will happen if I go for it.

It's not wrong to want to live a bit, is it?

I just wanted to add OP, your parents sound a bit like my in laws. My husband’s dad never wanted him or his brothers to leave home either. They all did, in their mid twenties one by one. Now they all have great jobs in countries around the world. After all the fuss, their dad couldn’t be prouder! Moving out saved the relationship I think. It could have deteriorated beyond repair otherwise. If you still want a relationship with your parents, moving out is the only way forward. Good luck. Oh and save hard once you leave, get six months rent stashed away so you have breathing room should you lose your job, you don’t want to have to move back once you’ve left!

OP, I agree, you do need to get out and find your own way.

I went straight from parents house to boyfriend's house, I never had the chance to be in charge of my own life.

At the ge of 49, I finally left with the DCs. I'm in charge of my own life for the first time, and you know what? I'm coping fine.

I'm going to echo a pp, you have grown up with controlling abusive parents, and you need to be careful you don't end up with a partner with a similar nature.

You’re 26! Time to live your life - embrace it!
Of course you can handle a full time job, why ever not?!

You do need to find a pair of big girl pants and put them on. At 26 you are quite capable of working a 60 hour week, buying a car and renting in a shared house. You’ve missed out on some key rights of passage into the adult world but it’s not too late.
Make the plans, sort the detail and only tell them once it’s a done deed so they can’t undermine you. Then move out. It doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect to start with, it doesn’t matter if the wallpaper is grim - it will be yours to live the life you choose.
You could even consider doing a degree and getting a proper career that allows you an improved lifestyle.
You might not be odd. You might simply have not met people like you yet. It will be easier once you’re in control and can arrange a social life without permission. If you are odd, that’s fine too. Lots of the nicest people are really quite peculiar.
Good luck.

Time to leave! Most of us don't know how to adult. Pay your bills, try to save a little bit (budget), eat well, sport a bit, try a new hobby and invite the nice people for a coffee to make friends. Embrace your inner oddness. You'll be fabulous.

Leave now. Your parents want you at home for their own benefit not because it’s best for you. Good luck in your new job

You’ve missed out on some key rights of passage into the adult world but it’s not too late.

Sorry but I don't think the OP has missed out on anything! Unless I've missed something in the thread?

You will be fine - if you could t cope how do any adults cope? I think they want a live in cater ... I’d run

Also nobody has any idea how to be an adult at first .... it’s a learning curve towards independence - I moved out this year and stupid things like what temperature to wash clothes on , how to get stains out of shorts, how to use the tube, how to cook a roast, how to pay my gas bill ... I learned all of it properly as I went along this year ... you get there. No one moves out and instantly knows how to be a ‘good adult’.
You’re a little behind because they’ve held you back but you’re still so young and will be absolutely fine.

My DS is 21 and I'm waiting for the day he leaves, it's the normal thing to happen and it'll show me he's ok in life.

You really should go for it. If it doesn't work out, you can always go back. If you never try, you'll never know.

You need to leave!! Given the way your parents are I'm thinking, don't tell them your plans. Get it all set up and go.
They sound awful. I feel so bad for you
This is your time op, go for it and good luck

OP your parents are trying to make you feel like you can't do anything so you'll just stay there forever. But the truth is you can do whatever you want and you are more than capable!

Take the job, sort out a flatshare or somewhere to rent and then once it's all sorted - TELL them what's happening. You do not need their permission. They won't like it but you have to start living your life.

The driving thing sounds horrendous - I couldn't cope with that.

Move out, enjoy your new job - look for new opportunities and things to do - just take it a step at a time. You'll be amazed how incredible and capable you are! We're all basically winging it one way or another. No one is an expert at this "life" stuff. We all just do our best - and you will be fine!

Never let anyone tell you that you can't do something - get out and enjoy life! :-)

They're trying to keep you there to be their company, slave, carer and verbal punching bag. My mother gave me the same routine - you're incapable, you're naive, you can't survive without me, you'll starve, you'll mess up, you can't do it.

Watch a clip of 'Mother Knows Best' from the film 'Tangled'. As you can see, the witch keeps Rapunzel locked up with something more powerful than a key - fear, crushed confidence, guilt and shame. Actually the whole movie's a great watch for anyone with an abusive mother. You'll recognise the catchphrases.

You are absolutely not odd, you are very very BRAVE!!!!!!

If the initial costs of moving to where the job is look a bit too high, it is pssible that the company could give you a loan to help you over the first hump. Check it out.

You absolutely can do it. The world is your oyster!

Nothing wrong with being odd.

I have difficult parents. I didn't make friends until I moved hundreds of miles away from my parents.

Take the job, get a houseshare, don't tell you parents any of your plans until they are final, contracts signed etc. They will have tantrums and try to keep you dependent, power through, step out and do it anyway.

In a few weeks time you will be settled, have new friends, a whole new scene and you will feel like a bird flying high and free. It will be fantastic!

FWIW my best friend is entirely un-odd and didn't have sex til she was 27 (this year), that's nothing to do with being odd and I think it's more common than people realise! So that's not in the equation bet you're not odd anyway.

Right so what's the plan? Have you accepted the job?

You need to grab this opportunity with both hands!

Nothing teaches you better how to be an adult than getting out into the world and doing adult stuff!

You ARE an adult so don't worry about not knowing how to be one. It's not that hard and you soon learn how to look after yourself if you have to. You need to move out or else you'll really regret it and never be able to live your own life. I had a friend with parents like this. She eventually retrained to be a nurse and moved to London in a house share with me when she was in her late 20s after living with her parents all her life. They still tried to run her life but she at least had some defree of freedom and it was the best thibg she evr did. Good luck.

I'm chatting on text jut now with my DD3 who's your age. Last year she moved to live in Australia- no job, she just went. Now she has a high flying job, has just got her visa and a house and is living life.
It's a parent's job to bring up their children to live independent lives - any not knowing how to adult on your part is THEIR failing, not yours, they should help you leave and ensure you know all you need to survive. Not try to keep you their baby.
I bet they tell anyone who asks why you're still at home, 'oh, she'd never manage without us' smug smile.

Op I doubt you are odd, and so what if you aren't the same as everyone else? You sound under confident and down trodden by your parents which is not the same as odd.
Get out of there, take the job. Friends and maybe relationships will follow in time. Your life will be transformed by the independence that you deserve.

One of the greatest things about social media, for me, was the discovery that ‘adulting’ is a thing most people struggle with, and that I wasn’t a complete failure because I suck at it.

We’re mostly all just bumbling along.

You need to do this. This is the start of your new life.

Oh, and my DD2 is 'odd' (her own description), doesn't like people much, no relationships, and was set to live at home forever....she's now 27, hiuseshares with a friend, good job and totally independent. She was a bit scared of adulting but decided that 27 was 'too old to be at home', and flew the nest. Some just take longer than others to get to the right point.
Sounds like you've reached your right point now, OP!

So OP, do you have a plan of action now? Do you have any savings? (You should have, living with your parents, even after paying them rent.)

I have no words! Just get out!!!