To think that I'm a bloody grown up and that I'll work wherever I want to and live wherever I want to?

[HelpMeMike]

First of all let me start off by saying that I'm 26 and still live at home. My parents have always been slightly overprotective of me but I feel like the older I get, the more overprotective and controlling they become.

I've worked since I was 18 but only on part time contracts and I've always tried to take on as much overtime as I could to try and boost my hours up to as close to full time as I could but there were times when I was still working only my contract hours. Anyway I have just been offered a full time job in an area which I have no experience in but would like to work in so naturally I have accepted it. I told my parents fully expecting them to be happy for me but they (especially my dad) just went off it with me instead. They keep telling me that it will be too much for me, that I won't cope, I will be tired and I should just stay where I am (working 16 hours in a restaurant). I think I am a perfectly capable intelligent adult but they just keep making me feel so useless and thick.

I want to take this job and move out but it's the same thing with moving out too...they say I won't be able to afford it, it will be too much for me, etc.

I want to give this new job a try and start enjoying life a bit but they just seemed so determined to hold me back and I'm scared of the fall out that will happen if I go for it.

It's not wrong to want to live a bit, is it?

If you find they are critical of your choices, maybe tell them less and certainly don't run what you are planning by them. When youve found somewhere and signed the contract, then tell them. If they are harassing you for details, be ambiguous- you don't owe them an explanation.

Go for it OP, get yourself out of there.
And you know what, if you come across something while ‘being an adult’ you’re note sure about... come back here and ask.
The majority of people on Mumsnet are more than happy to help.

I'm 43 with 3 kids. I have no clue.

Get out there and live your life!

I can understand your parents being worried about you flying the nest but they sound OTT. Being a proper grown-up means standing on your own two feet and this'll never achieved if you stay at home. Also, with a full-time wage things will be easier financially but leaving home is expensive as you'll have quite a bit of expenditure.

Life will still feel complicated at times while you find your feet but that's no reason not to try. Don't burn your boats with your parents - leave as amicably as you can. I think that advice fits many situations that you'll encounter in the future. Good luck.

I suppose your parents just enjoy having you there,and don't want you to move out...my daughter has moved out to live with her boyfriend,they have a house ,she's 19. I'm sad but happy for her

House shares can be great. I met some lovely people and some weirdos that way.

And yes to popping in here if you need any help or advice. We'll be cheering you on your way!

I'm 46 and I've decided adulting didn't really work for me. I have primary school aged kids so I do have to tidy my room house and eat sensibly etc.

My mother is still sometimes amazed that I don't starve to death and can pay bills. Not because I can't but because I always had my nose in a book to the exclusion of all else. Not much has changed to be honest. But I left home at 19, passed my driving test at 26, bought a house at 27, married at 33 and while I've made a ton of mistakes I am happy with where I am now.

At 26 when I passed my driving test and got a car I was a bit nervous. I planned to have motorway lessons etc. My first drive was in a huge Buick in the USA, my first UK drive involved the M1, M25, A21 and was three hours long. I loved driving and would head off down roads and lanes with a map book. I'd get lost then work out my way home. That's the first thing you need to do. Go out; don't tell them you're taking the car and then do. You don't require their permission.

You are a valid adult already.

Your parents have been so used to looking after their little girl that they haven't noticed you've become a woman. It's scary leaving home but you'll cope. Go out there and live. Take risks, grab opportunities.
Good luck!

Oh and noticing that a previous poster mentioned an abusive ex - I remember I meant to say be careful about relationships and don't rush into anything.

Sorry if this is patronising (maybe you already have a boyfriend/girlfriend, or previous relationships you haven't mentioned). I just know from experience it can be a vulnerable time when you first leave home, maybe feeling a bit lost and lonely, without much experience of what healthy adult relationships look like, and unfortunately there are men who will take advantage of that.

I am no different to any other 26 year old so why shouldn't I get to do the normal things everybody else does?

Well you are different in that you aren't doing the normal things everyone else does.

I'm sorry, but it sounds like your parents have raised you to stay home and look after them. If that's not what you want out of life, you need to get out now while you have an economic chance.

Take the job - congratulations on getting it! - find a room or a studio, and move as quickly as possible. A house share might make sense, since your roommates will quickly clue you in re what you need to pay for on your own out in the real world.

Good luck. Your parents won't be happy, but that's not your problem, it's theirs. Don't let it become yours. Set boundaries and stick to them.

Enjoy the wide wide world , its a wonderful ,exciting place , and you'll do fine . Good Luck x

They may have done a lot for you, but they haven't done the whole of their job as parents - which is to give you the skills and confidence to launch into the world as a fully fledged young adult. When I was 26 I was married with a baby. You can definitely do it. Now I'm 33 with two kids and I still don't know how to be an adult, but I'm figuring out individual skills as I go. Last year husband and I bought a house. Didn't have a frigging clue how mortgages worked, not really. Googled it. Now I'm sitting in my own house. That's how adulting happens.

And you know what, there will be times when you are tired, especially in the beginning - learning the ropes in a new job is hard work and the first month or so is tough. There will be times when you think god, wouldn't it be nice if someone would just come and look after me. Everyone has those moments. That doesn't mean life is too much for them, though, it just means they're human. And it doesn't mean that the freedom and independence aren't worth it. They are so worth it.

I'm worried your parents are lining you up to care for them as they age. You need to get out of that house and start to build your own life and have your own family. Run run run.

Dont give them a key.

You need to get away from this negativity. It is not healthy. Take the job and say you've made that decision end of. But saying that if you're one of these people always complaining about not coping and being tired then your parents might have a point. But if not they're being pains.

Oh my god, that sounds horrendous. Just go.
You already drive - not sure whether you own a car but that's a great start if you do. Take a room in a houseshare. If it's a dive then you can move after a few months, and who among us hasn't lived somewhere scuzzy in our teens/twenties? If you don't have the money to hand for a deposit then you should be able to get an overdraft even without much credit history. Obviously getting into debt isn't ideal but you can pay it back, and it's better than spending the rest of your twenties sat at home watching your life go by.
Once you've got a job and a roof over your head you can pretty much work stuff out as it comes along. I'm only slightly older than you have have fucked up royally on occasion; it's what we do when we're young, it's how we learn. I left home at nineteen and moved five hundred miles away, severely underestimated how much money I had in my bank account and turned all my laundry an interesting shade of green . I survived. You will too - don't let them tell you otherwise.

At best your parents are ridiculously over-protective; at worst they are controlling and abusing you. In either case, time to break free. Take the job and get a flat share. Don't tell them anything until it's a done deal. Be prepared for tears, snotters and mysterious illnesses to strike. Get hold of a copy of Toxic Parents - you might see your own story there.

There is no One really "being an adult" . We're just people surviving it all/ winging it. Do. Get out there. You will be fine. When you come across a hiccup (the boiler breaks, the car won't start, you flood the bathroom). Take some deep breaths and look up a plan online. Honestly - your parents have left you feeling incapable. You really aren't. After all you got that job. It's your chance. Grab it with both hands!

Op, i was like this too. I didnt manage to change things until i was 34! Am also an only child. At least you've realised and are taking steps to move forward now. Well done, you can do it. Congrats on the job too.

If you're currently holding down a job and have got yourself a full time job, you certainly know how to be an adult. Go for that house share or rental, there is no reason whatsoever why you shouldn't do what virtually everyone of your age does.

Escape asap.

Were you living rent free and/or receiving financial support from your parents? If so, time to cease that too.

IME suggestions that you “might not cope” are an insidious form of control.

Good for you! You can do it. Stay calm and be consistent.

Repeat 'It's a shame you feel like that. This is a good move for me' again and again. They will come around. It will take time.

Nobody knows how to be an adult and that's okay.

Do you think that the OPs parents have taken the wi fi code off her!!