Or is my mum over what to do with my bracelet?

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

When I was 13 (20 years ago) my nan bought me a solid yellow gold bracelet for Christmas. It’s like a chunky curb style, and my mum wouldn’t let me wear it because she was afraid I’d lose it. She said I could have it when I turned 18.

I’ll be honest it’s not my style and never has been, I prefer minimal jewellery, usually delicate white gold pieces. Mum has worn herself pretty much every time I’ve seen her, it’s very much her style. So I’ve never asked for it back, but I also haven’t said my Mum can keep it either. She lives abroad now anyway so it’s not just like I can pop over for it.

My nan died 4 years ago, and I’ve been thinking of selling the bracelet to a jewellers and getting a charm for my charm bracelet with my nan’s favourite stone (every charm I have signifies something or someone to me). I figured this is better than never wearing a bracelet because I don’t really like it.

Mum is visiting soon and I rang this morning to ask her if she could bring my bracelet back with her. When she pressed further (she knows I’m not keen on the style) I told her my plan of getting a charm instead.

Mum is very sentimental about keepsakes and is upset, says I should either wear it or not wear it, but not sell it. She’s not willing to bring it over. I’d almost understand if she was upset on behalf of my nan, but she didn’t like my nan (her mother) and told me when she died that she was pleased (whole other story). I also wonder if she really wants to keep my bracelet for herself, she always wears it and I’ve said a few times “isn’t that my bracelet?” and she says if I’m not wearing it she may as well. TBF she’s kept it in a great condition, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not hers to wear.

WIBU? Am I right in thinking it’s not her call what I do with my jewellery?

Well that’s her Christmas and birthday presents sorted for the next 10 Year’s!

I think asking her when she will be doing the insurance claim is a reasonable next step.

I don't agree with some of the people on this thread. The OP shouldn't ask her mother for her own property back in case it upsets her? Well the mother doesn't seem to be much bothered about the OP's feelings now does she? If I had taken a piece of jewellery from my daughter for safekeeping and she asked for it back, I'd return it. If you borrow something without permission and never give it back that's stealing. If anyone should be upset it's the OP, who wants to know their mother is happy to essentially steal from them?

I'm shocked people are suggesting the OP is grabby for wanting her own possession returned to her. Some people may be content to forget about something like this and that's their choice. I'm surprised, however, they would criticise the OP for wanting the return of her property, even if it is to sell it, because that's her choice. It probably would have been best to have asked for the bracelets return a few years ago, but the fact the OP didn't doesn't make it acceptable for the mother to keep it. Her mother should've have offered it back years ago anyway, the OP shouldn't have to chase her to do the right thing.

Incidentally, I'm a very sentimental person and I bought my daughter a piece of jewellery for a special birthday a few years ago. I bought this knowing that my daughter is not a sentimental person and she may choose to sell it in the future. I told her that if she did so I would prefer if she used the money to buy something else she could keep and not just squander the money. Note though I said I would prefer it, I did not try and place stipulations on the future of the gift, because then it wouldn't be a gift! The OP's mother is/was trying to control what the OP did with her gift and she wasn't even the one to give it to her in the first place. In fact she took it from the OP.

My parents still have a piece of china that I inherited from my grandmother sitting in their display cabinet. They've kept it for safekeeping for over 20 years now (I'm clumsy and I would hate to break it), but everybody in the family knows it belongs to me. If I ever ask for it I would be mighty shocked if they refused to give it to me, that's not how loving parents behave. Yes, there should be give and take in relationships, but assuming you can take whatever you like from other people is not normal nor reasonable behaviour.

I actually don't blame your mum at all! I cannot believe you would consider selling something that someone has left you that's so sad

rosie lovely everyone who hasn't read the thread... it's not an inheritance. It wasn't left to her. Her nan never owned it herself. It was a birthday gift from her nan, purchased new. There is no sentimental value to her mum.

My previous post didn't hear about your mpther losing the bracelet...sorry.

Can you go visit her and check the jewelry box?

the op has given up cos no bugger is bothered actually reading her thread

Buy yourself a small memento in honour of your nan. Put the bracelet, the money and the toxic relationships behind you. Smile every time you see it.

Wtf Lovelymess. Op wasn’t left it. She was given it as a present. It is hers. Are you the mother?

I hope you get it back...very nasty of your Mum! And to all those who are saying that she shouldn’t sell it...why ever not? It has no sentimental value to the OP as she has never been allowed to have the bracelet...I have several items that I was given by my Nan, now passed sadly, that I wouldn’t ever wear. I may one day have them re-worked into something new, but I also know that my Nan really wouldn’t care if I needed to sell them. I have memories and photographs that are really all I need. 💐 for you OP.

Thanks all

Just want to reiterate, it was not left to me, it’s not an heirloom, it was gifted to me when I was 13. I think my brother sold his games console on with no guilt funnily enough.

It could well be that the bracelet was a ‘dig’ at my Mum and that she has a lot of ambivalent feelings about it. I definitely don’t know the full story about their relationship

Anyway I saw my grandad yesterday, I told him I was thinking of selling/melting the bracelet but Mum couldn’t find it and what did he think. He thought it was a lovely idea about getting a charm, and He was last at mum’s in August and said she was definitely wearing it then. I didn’t say that I think she’s lying about losing it, but I did say she wasn’t happy about me selling it. He said he’ll ‘have a word’ and not to worry.

I don’t expect to get it back, but hey ho. Going to take DH up on the offer of getting a charm anyway (why not ey!)

Haven’t spoken to Mum since our last messages and this (plus a number of other issues) has manifested and when she’s over in a few weeks I’m going to just have it out with her. I figure I’ve got nothing to lose, I’m sick of being a doormat!

TBH, I can imagine why your Mum would feel hurt.
You want to take a bracelet she gave you (even though you never wore it and never asked for it) and turn it into a charm to remember your Grandma your Mum didn't have a good relationship with.
I can see why she would find it hurtful and it has nothing controlling about it.

Clandestino - maybe you should actually read the thread before you comment?

Oh you poor thing, Clandstino. Presumaby you’re not feeling tip top?

Cherry

Good for you

This definitely has brought your feelings to the surface

Cherry, great that you had a chat with your grandad. Hopefully he can talk some sense into your mum if she is not being honest.

Good luck with having it out with her il watch the thread so if you update on what happens. I’m
Interested to see what comes about I really hope she gets her act together.

The really good thing is that you have a supportive DH and a supportive grandad . And us of course

Clandestino, no matter how hurtful OP's mother might find the possibility, why is it in any way acceptable to try to dictate what OP does with her possessions, let alone refuse to give OP's belongings back to her? It's not clear whether you think the bracelet was given by OP's mother, but for the record it was her grandmother.

...and you‘re sure your Mum hasn‘t already sold it many years ago, which is why she is being stubborn?

The amount of people not reading the thread is unbelievable. You probably don't need to read everyone's posts, but the green ones are quite important if you want an informed opinion.

I agree with the majority of people who read the full thread, it is yours to do with as you wish. The bracelet itself is no where near my taste and would never be something I would ever wear! I am extremely close to my Nan and she sometimes does get me thinks that aren't my taste, and I know she wouldn't be too horrified if I got it melted into something else. But selling it does feel a bit harsh. Not that either of those currently seem to be an option thanks to yours mother's (probable) lies.
I personally don't think it's a relationship worth saving unless you're prepared to be a doormat forever. At least with her living abroad it'll be easier to cut contact and will be less likely to bump into her. It's good your grandad is trying to resolve it for you, but it really shouldn't have come to that.
I hope it all works out for you, but I'm not sure how with a mother like yours.

I’d apologise and be happy it brings her joy.

Apologise to a thief for wanting your property? Way to victim blame!

The phrase to use to your mother is "unlawful conversion" - this is the legal term for somebody treating something in their care as if it was theirs - for example by selling it. Make sure that you keep the emails/letters/texts whatever. If you decide to push matters, they are evidence.
On the other hand, to quote Sonny, from A Bronx Tale, if it keeps her away, then maybe it's worth the cost to be rid of her.
Possibly a harsh way of looking at things (and sorry if it is), but if she's willing to be like this, then maybe you might be better off not trying to rebuild what looks like always being a toxic relationship. Sometimes people are better of out of your life.

re you sure your Mum has actually lost the bracelet or saying that so she doesn't have to give back to you?

D'Ya Think?