Or is my mum over what to do with my bracelet?

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

When I was 13 (20 years ago) my nan bought me a solid yellow gold bracelet for Christmas. It’s like a chunky curb style, and my mum wouldn’t let me wear it because she was afraid I’d lose it. She said I could have it when I turned 18.

I’ll be honest it’s not my style and never has been, I prefer minimal jewellery, usually delicate white gold pieces. Mum has worn herself pretty much every time I’ve seen her, it’s very much her style. So I’ve never asked for it back, but I also haven’t said my Mum can keep it either. She lives abroad now anyway so it’s not just like I can pop over for it.

My nan died 4 years ago, and I’ve been thinking of selling the bracelet to a jewellers and getting a charm for my charm bracelet with my nan’s favourite stone (every charm I have signifies something or someone to me). I figured this is better than never wearing a bracelet because I don’t really like it.

Mum is visiting soon and I rang this morning to ask her if she could bring my bracelet back with her. When she pressed further (she knows I’m not keen on the style) I told her my plan of getting a charm instead.

Mum is very sentimental about keepsakes and is upset, says I should either wear it or not wear it, but not sell it. She’s not willing to bring it over. I’d almost understand if she was upset on behalf of my nan, but she didn’t like my nan (her mother) and told me when she died that she was pleased (whole other story). I also wonder if she really wants to keep my bracelet for herself, she always wears it and I’ve said a few times “isn’t that my bracelet?” and she says if I’m not wearing it she may as well. TBF she’s kept it in a great condition, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not hers to wear.

WIBU? Am I right in thinking it’s not her call what I do with my jewellery?

I think taking away a £400 birthday present to a 13 year-old because they might lose it is mean! Also, what's with the caginess and weirdness about bringing it back? It wasn't a cheap bracelet - if it was I wouldn't have cared - so it should have been given back a long time ago.

Cherry

I'm not surprised

The description you have of her taking it in the first place, and then not giving it back struck a lot of us as just not very caring

The bracelet was gifted to you, not your mother - just because she's decided to wear it for 20 odd years doesn't make it hers.

Be assertive and ask for the prompt return of the bracelet . You don't need to explain why you want your property back.

Agree with pp! It’s your bracelet and gifted to you, it’s yours to do with what you wish! And has much as your mum might have her own opinion about yours plans she really doesn’t have any right to make demands about how you use the gift she gave you.

TBF your mother should have handed over the bracelet years ago!!

She won't bring it. 'Ooh no! I forgot!'

Not surprised that she was awful.

She nicked it when you were 13, basically, and it will be a case of who blinks first!

Is she keen on the relationship building - is it the case for example that you now have children and she wants in? That will give you a better chance of getting it back, to be blunt.

It's worth a fair amount and that's why this has happened. Nasty thief.

I agree you should investigate getting it melted down and made into something you will wear, perhaps you can get your mum involved in designing it.

Tell her it will still be the gold her mum gave you, just made into a style you will wear.

See, I had a feeling you had much bigger issues than your mum taking your bracelet for yourself.

She will not give it back unless you physically fight her for it, I'm guessing.

And if she's done "unforgivable" things to you, and has been a terrible mother, then honestly I'm wondering why you're trying rebuild a relationship with you. She will keep on letting you down. You want her to start behaving like a normal mother would, one who would never steal your birthday presents for herself and refuse to hand them over 20 years later. It isn't going to happen.

*for HERSELF, I mean

I can't believe you'd sell your nans bracelet when your mum, her daughter, obviously loves it. It seems heartless, tbh.

It's not being heartless to sell the bracelet, it belongs to OP. And OP's DM hated her mum, it seems, so there's no sentimentality there, just someone who has effectively stolen the bracelet from the OP by denying it to her.

It wasn’t my nan’s bracelet. She never owned it. My mum wears it because she likes the style. My nan just happened to buy it for me

I can assure you my ‘heartless’ actions pale in comparison to what my mum has done in the past

liminal it was never her nan’s bracelet, it was a present to the OP. It is hers. Her mother never got on with her man in any case. I get the feeling you haven’t read the first post, never mind the whole thread.

However I suspect that there were a lot of deep seated issues between my mum and nan that I’ll never know the true extent of, she may have perfectly good reasons for being pleased she’s dead.

I think it’s pretty crap what your mums done and I doubt your nan would be overly pleased that she still has it. The fact that she ever wore it makes me a bit pissed for you. My gran left me an item of jewellery and my shithead of a mother wears it and has never given it to me. It makes me sad especially knowing my gran left it to me but I can’t deal with the arguments it’s not worth it.

I really hope your mum brings it and you can get it turned into something you love and that is unique to you and the memory of your nan.

Cherry

Don't bother replying to people who don't even read the thread.

Did you have a good relationship with your nan?

Yoda

Op said upthread she had a good relationship with her Nan but her mum did not.

I know you said it’s not your style, but in case you haven’t thought of it - you can get yellow gold dipped in rhodium to make it white gold? It’s relatively inexpensive too. Might mean you like the bracelet better?

I did Yoda, she was always lovely to me but did have a bit of a cantankerous side

Thanks Honey I didn’t know that!

Mustang

Yes, so she did

Well, I hope that you get something sorted out Op.

To me it was an expensive thing to buy a 13yr old for Christmas-maybe it was done to hurt your mum-or maybe your Nan always spent that sort of money?

I can see the idea your mum had about looking after it for you, but to wear it (especially without asking) really wasn't on & a bit of two fingers up to your nan.

It all seems very complicated.

What do you normally spend on her for Christmas/birthday? Just let her keep the bracelet as her next 2/3/4 Christmas and birthdays.

diddl I think buying it was more to do with the fact that my brother got a games console the same my DH has a theory that my nan asked my mum for advice on which bracelet to get and she purposefully got one that she liked. I think that’s bordering on a little paranoid though!

... well yes a bit paranoid but it explains your mum's strange behaviour in taking it away straight away (and it is also a very -erm- unusual choice for a 13 year old)

That would make your mum very veryscheming. Is she?