Or is my mum over what to do with my bracelet?

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

When I was 13 (20 years ago) my nan bought me a solid yellow gold bracelet for Christmas. It’s like a chunky curb style, and my mum wouldn’t let me wear it because she was afraid I’d lose it. She said I could have it when I turned 18.

I’ll be honest it’s not my style and never has been, I prefer minimal jewellery, usually delicate white gold pieces. Mum has worn herself pretty much every time I’ve seen her, it’s very much her style. So I’ve never asked for it back, but I also haven’t said my Mum can keep it either. She lives abroad now anyway so it’s not just like I can pop over for it.

My nan died 4 years ago, and I’ve been thinking of selling the bracelet to a jewellers and getting a charm for my charm bracelet with my nan’s favourite stone (every charm I have signifies something or someone to me). I figured this is better than never wearing a bracelet because I don’t really like it.

Mum is visiting soon and I rang this morning to ask her if she could bring my bracelet back with her. When she pressed further (she knows I’m not keen on the style) I told her my plan of getting a charm instead.

Mum is very sentimental about keepsakes and is upset, says I should either wear it or not wear it, but not sell it. She’s not willing to bring it over. I’d almost understand if she was upset on behalf of my nan, but she didn’t like my nan (her mother) and told me when she died that she was pleased (whole other story). I also wonder if she really wants to keep my bracelet for herself, she always wears it and I’ve said a few times “isn’t that my bracelet?” and she says if I’m not wearing it she may as well. TBF she’s kept it in a great condition, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not hers to wear.

WIBU? Am I right in thinking it’s not her call what I do with my jewellery?

Let your dh buy you a charm or other piece of jewellery. Go with him together and find one to remember her by. It won’t bring the bracelet back. But it will solidify the fact that you were loved by your nan and you are loved by your dh and that you are worthy of love.

"I think we both know you haven't lost it mum. If you can't find it you need to claim the current value on your home insurance or give me the cash now . Nan bought it for me as you know and gave it to me without conditions attached"

I think your mum has already sold the bracelet and it’s a cheap imitation she wears and that’s why she can’t give it to you because when you take it to sell it she’ll be found out

I agree with having it made into another piece of jewellery something you like more . That’s what I would like my daughter to do with my jewellery as it probably won’t be her style .

Perhaps you could have a little charm made for your mum as well .

Oops only just saw the lost comments .

Check the price of gold from when it was bought until now and say she owes you that much . That might frighten her into finding it . It will be a lot more than £400

What Susie suggests.

She hasn't lost it - you don't lose an item like that without realising it.

I'd tell her not to bother coming over if she hasn't got either the bracelet or the cash to replace it. It doesn't look as though your relationship is a good one to start with.

I can only respond to this based on my relationship with my mum. If I had received it and wasn't mad about it but knew my mum really liked it and would wear it I would have gifted it to her years ago. Seems a bit mean to be asking for it back to sell imo

I didn't really get on with my mother, we clashed on many occasions and I didn't see much of her. However, I'd still do the above.

Can you speak to her DH about it? But I think you should go down the home insurance route as well.

£400 then is worth approx £700 today - that just monetary value,

Gold has quadrupled in value gram for gram since 97! so potentially worth (I dont know the Gram weight though so dont go wild) £1600

You are leaving some part out. I have a few pieces of jewelry and a chunky gold bracelet is worth far more than any charm.

Can see both sides. My brother took my valuable gift from my grandfather and I insisted on him giving it back, but I still have it and look at it every day. I won't sell it.

Btw, after parents die, our perspective changes, maybe discuss your mother's feelings now?

I’m guessing she doesn’t want you to profit from it that’s all

I think it's far more likely to have sentimental value. Even if one doesn't get on great with one's mother - there is sadness and grief when she dies. Things take on greater value. And not monetary.

Your mum’s lieing. She’s either still got it, knowing you can’t turn up and look, or she sold it (possibly a long time ago and bought a cheaper fake to replace it - now she’d be found out if she gave it back). My bet is she’s got it. You’ll have to keep your eyes peeled for photos in future.

I don’t suppose you’d tell her she must replace it? There’s a chance that she might dig it out and give it to you if she thought you really expect her to do that.

Idk what you can do except keep her well away from people you love.

I obviously don't know the ins and outs of your family history, but I do have a poor relationship with my mother, just as she had a poor relationship with hers. Luckily, I've worked very hard to break the cycle and my DD and I are very, very close.

My bet is that your Gran bought this for you as a snub to your Mum, a sort of punishment for their relationship and an ostentatious demonstration that she preferred you to her own daughter. I don't imagine she ever bought such a valuable gift for your Mum. Your Mum was angry and hurt and has decided to claim the bracelet so her own Mum didn't 'win'. This was never about you, although I'm sure you Gran was very fond of you, it was about the two women battling each other and hurting each others feelings.

If your did have a lousy childhood and adult relationship with her mother, and this small 'victory' makes her feel better, I would leave her. If the bracelet was bought to taunt your Mum, or make her feel worthless then it was never truly a gift that you would want. It's not worth upsetting anyone over a chunk of metal that you don't like. If you or your Dh buys the charm then surely everyone can be happier?

she's sold is hasn't she

op, take it from here on now....your mum isnt very nice and no matter how hard you try, you wont change her

I'm sorry, but you have a lovely d there, he's your future.not your mum, let her go and keep contact to a minimum.

dotdotdot

That's an interesting analysis. Had crossed my mind

You could report it to the police, lost ilst in your mother’s place but gone so someone has stolen it. See if you can get it put on the database of stolen jewellery, tell her you’re going to do that anyway. If you keep it going, she may miraculously locate it.

Just, wow.

Your mother is a piece of work, that's for sure.

She has either sold it, or she's keeping it. Either way she hasn't just "lost it" which says a hell of a lot about the awful liar she is.

I am angry for you OP x

text 'you sold it didn't you?'

and then go to the shops and see what one would cost now and tell her that's how much she owes you.

i think if your mum hurts you this much, maybe you need to cut contact? head over to the stately homes threads anyway, for some support.

No. Let it go. It's really not worth falling out over. If my grandmother gave me a bracelet I would keep it, whatever it looked like. You'll never get it back again if you sell it.

I think it's worth falling out over. Apparently the OP is not even all that surprised her own mother has stolen from her and is trying to gaslight her by saying 'Oh i must have given it back'. That speaks volumes.

So sorry OP.

I'm thinking of what I'd do in your position, and I think I'd write a message back along the lines of
"Oh, so I assume you have home insurance? the bracelet is worth around £1300, I'd be willing to pay your excess out of the claim (normally around £50-£200 per claim) so you wouldn't be out of pocket.
I will also contact the police and have it registered on the national stolen jewellery database in case anyone does find it, it's either claim on your house insurance or I seek legal advice"

By the sounds of it it's not worth fighting for the relationship, and she will only impact on you more in the long term. Take a deep breath and think to yourself "if I met you and I wasn't your daughter would I want you as a friend?"
Then follow your heart. 😘

It sounds like your Mum wore it all the time and it was her favourite, there's no way she would loose it and not notice. It was worth at least £700. She's sold it. You even know she has past form for this sort of thing.

It's YOUR bracelet which she helped herself to.

Time for her to give it back.

I wouldn't keep reminding her what you plan to do with it. Just say you want it back....its yours

You could say you are having the gold from the bracelet made into a charm/charms. I had a gold watch and strap and had the gold used for a bangle. So technically you would be selling the bracelet. Loads of craft jewellers would do this for you.