Or is my mum over what to do with my bracelet?

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

When I was 13 (20 years ago) my nan bought me a solid yellow gold bracelet for Christmas. It’s like a chunky curb style, and my mum wouldn’t let me wear it because she was afraid I’d lose it. She said I could have it when I turned 18.

I’ll be honest it’s not my style and never has been, I prefer minimal jewellery, usually delicate white gold pieces. Mum has worn herself pretty much every time I’ve seen her, it’s very much her style. So I’ve never asked for it back, but I also haven’t said my Mum can keep it either. She lives abroad now anyway so it’s not just like I can pop over for it.

My nan died 4 years ago, and I’ve been thinking of selling the bracelet to a jewellers and getting a charm for my charm bracelet with my nan’s favourite stone (every charm I have signifies something or someone to me). I figured this is better than never wearing a bracelet because I don’t really like it.

Mum is visiting soon and I rang this morning to ask her if she could bring my bracelet back with her. When she pressed further (she knows I’m not keen on the style) I told her my plan of getting a charm instead.

Mum is very sentimental about keepsakes and is upset, says I should either wear it or not wear it, but not sell it. She’s not willing to bring it over. I’d almost understand if she was upset on behalf of my nan, but she didn’t like my nan (her mother) and told me when she died that she was pleased (whole other story). I also wonder if she really wants to keep my bracelet for herself, she always wears it and I’ve said a few times “isn’t that my bracelet?” and she says if I’m not wearing it she may as well. TBF she’s kept it in a great condition, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not hers to wear.

WIBU? Am I right in thinking it’s not her call what I do with my jewellery?

A little bit Not, it depends on the situation. I don’t think she’d purposefully get her Mum to buy a bracelet that she likes when it’s for me. However she’s of the School of thought of “i didn’t get this so why should you” or “I had to work hard for it why shouldn’t you”.

Maybe I’m overthinking it and she’s genuinely upset.

Games console for your brother-that might explain it!

Oh, the things that you probably would rather have had!

It's possible that she picked something that she liked as she didn't know your taste in jewellery-especially if your Nan was insisting on a bracelet.

But then she'd also have to know that you wouldn't like it & wouldn't ask for it for 15/20yrs!

Can you compromise - have one link removed to make a charm out of/incorporate into a charm?
The only compromise I can think of

I can't believe you'd sell your nans bracelet when your mum, her daughter, obviously loves it. It seems heartless, tbh.

I can’t believe you didn’t read the thread properly and then had a dig at the OP. It seems heartless, tbh.

Adalin yes very weird thread, the bracelet has a direct connection to the gran but I think the op just sees it as a means to buying whatever bit a tat jewellery she wants instead whereas the mum truly loves it and wants to preserve the family history.

Yes op Yabu. And unkind.

Titania

Blimey

Have you actually read the thread @TitaniasCloset, and everyone else insisting on this being a piece of jewellery of great sentimental value and calling the OP "unkind" and "grabby" and all sorts?

This bracelet is not a piece of "family history". It's not an heirloom. It's a Christmas present given to the OP when she was 13. OP's brother got a games console. OP got a bracelet. OP's mum took the bracelet away straight off the bat for "safe keeping" (though I presume OP's brother got the keep his games console to play on) and have worn it herself since. Now OP would like it back, either to melt it down and turn into a piece of jewellery more to her style, or sell and buy a charm containing her gran's favourite precious stone.

It's OP's bracelet. Hers. That's all there is to it.

Well I can see why you wouldn't want to wear it OP... it's very Del Boy. And from the sounds of it although it was nominally bought as a present for you, it's your Mum's taste and she's the only one to have ever worn it. Wonder if Mum persuaded Nan to buy it in the first place, knowing you wouldn't like it but that she would?

Anyway, agree that although the bracelet is awful, it has a value if only for the gold value. Either ask your mother to hand it over, or get it valued and offer it to her if she gives you the money.

And if your relationship with her isn't that great anyway, does it matter if she kicks off about it?

*It's all a bit late - bracelet bought 20 years ago, OP turned 18 15 years ago, nan died 4 years ago ...

Personally i'd leave it.*

^^ this* IMO it’s not a sentimental thing, it’s a piece of jewellery that your nan choose from a shop that SHE liked.* It’s not a family heirloom or a Christening gown that’s been handed down for generations etc.

Oops not sure why the second part was in bold.

My mum has given me loads of stuff over the years - several birthday and christmas presents every year for the last 50 years.

I'm NEVER allowed to sell ANY of it in deference to her memory?!

I discussed this thread with my mum when we were out earlier - it made her laugh which was good at least.

OP - if you want to try to maintain a reasonable relationship with your mum then just letting her have her way over all the time is not going to do it - that's not a relationship. And your relationship is not going to improve unless your mum wants it too as well.

Do you really think this is what your Nan intending when she bought you an expensive present all those years ago - that you were never allowed to wear it and your mum appropriated it and won't let you have it.

If it was something that improved your mum's quality of life - a car, a flat, a mobility scooter, vegetable patch etc then it might be mean taking it away. It's a bloody piece of jewellry which that particular grown woman has no sentimental attachment to - she won;t be able to wear that particular bracelet - boo bloody hoo.

I can't help feeling that this has something to do with your mum's relationship with your nan. It's as if she feels that the bracelet 'should' have been hers and was hurt that it was given to you. I suspect that your nan didn't parent your mother well and that was passed down to you. Perhaps the gift was even intended to hurt and slight your mum. This might explain why she seems to wear it whenever you see her.

None of that, obviously, would excuse your mother perpetuating the cycle by hurting her daughter in turn, as it sounds like she may have done, and none of that excuses her taking away your property and not returning it. But as unreasonable as your mum is being, I'd be tempted to leave it, as I think things may be connected to this that you may not fully know. By leaving it you would also be refusing to take any place in this dynamic.

I'd leave it with your mum. She's had it for 20 years and you haven't asked for it back till now, while knowing that she wears it, it's kind of her's by default now.

Oh well, looks like I won’t be getting it either way.

Reply from Mum:

hi
i looked in my jewellery box after our chat and the bracelet isn’t there. I cant remember the last time I wore it. Your sure I didn’t already give it to you? xx

Tell her she'd better find it or claim on her insurance. Does she think you are stupid - she just happens to have lost it now you have asked for it?

Aderyn I’m wondering if she has actually lost it and panicked when I asked for it back.
I’ve replied to say I definitely haven’t been given it.

Jesus she’s been wearing 20 years.
Let it go.

She’s doesn’t want you to sell it and has “lost”.
O.K. Then.

Of course it's not the mum's bracelet. OP's mum prevented her wearing the bracelet initially, she claimed it was to stop OP losing it, but I don't buy that. I was given my late nana's bracelet at the age of 11 and wore it all the time. I don't wear it now as it's delicate.

This seems to be more about jealousy on the part of OP's mum, and denying OP the bracelet is how she's dealing with that jealousy.

Oh ffs it gets worse. Well I really hope she is being honest. I hope she finds it that’s so sad if she has lost something that she denied you supposedly for safe keeping

Oh cherry. I'm sorry but this does sound on purpose 'lost'.

If she looked in her jewellery box after your last chat and couldn't find it, why didn't she say something then? I bloody would.

Is there anyone who lives near her who could pop round and help her look for it?! Your grandad maybe

I know you've sort of touched on it, but how is your relationship with your mum. Is this something you could have out with her? Or would it turn into world war three

Sorry. I loved the idea of having it melted down into something you could add to your charm bracelet

" Your sure I didn’t already give it to you? xx"

Oh please

Well then she owes you at least £400

I'd be reply and ask her if her house insurance will be covering the cost of replacement.

Well now is the time to say oh no what a terrible shame. And to think you took it off me all those years ago so I Wouldn't lose it . Have a search before you claim on your insurance, looks like I will have to use the insurance to buy something to remember nan after all :(

Yes to the house insurance claim!

She owes you. Honestly I can't believe how pathetic she is