Or is my mum over what to do with my bracelet?

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

When I was 13 (20 years ago) my nan bought me a solid yellow gold bracelet for Christmas. It’s like a chunky curb style, and my mum wouldn’t let me wear it because she was afraid I’d lose it. She said I could have it when I turned 18.

I’ll be honest it’s not my style and never has been, I prefer minimal jewellery, usually delicate white gold pieces. Mum has worn herself pretty much every time I’ve seen her, it’s very much her style. So I’ve never asked for it back, but I also haven’t said my Mum can keep it either. She lives abroad now anyway so it’s not just like I can pop over for it.

My nan died 4 years ago, and I’ve been thinking of selling the bracelet to a jewellers and getting a charm for my charm bracelet with my nan’s favourite stone (every charm I have signifies something or someone to me). I figured this is better than never wearing a bracelet because I don’t really like it.

Mum is visiting soon and I rang this morning to ask her if she could bring my bracelet back with her. When she pressed further (she knows I’m not keen on the style) I told her my plan of getting a charm instead.

Mum is very sentimental about keepsakes and is upset, says I should either wear it or not wear it, but not sell it. She’s not willing to bring it over. I’d almost understand if she was upset on behalf of my nan, but she didn’t like my nan (her mother) and told me when she died that she was pleased (whole other story). I also wonder if she really wants to keep my bracelet for herself, she always wears it and I’ve said a few times “isn’t that my bracelet?” and she says if I’m not wearing it she may as well. TBF she’s kept it in a great condition, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not hers to wear.

WIBU? Am I right in thinking it’s not her call what I do with my jewellery?

“Mum, you’ve always said the bracelet it there when I want it. I want it now please.”

It’s none of her business what you want to do with it.

If she refuses, I’d spell it out to her, “So you’ve kept my bracelet and are refusing to return it. Can’t you see that it’s theft Mum?”

If my mum did this, I’d find it difficult to get over. Not because of a bracelet you’re not particularly fond of, but because of the fact she has stolen something valuable from you and won’t return it. You’re not a child who needs their precious things looked after. You’re a grown woman with the right to make your own decisions.

Just ask for it back.

Or suggest you give it to your mum for Xmas - personally I'd ask for it back to be valued and put on your insurance.

Then you can mind up what to do.

Though frankly your mum doesn;t sound very nice so I'm not sure how much it should bother you putting her nose out of joint!

yes Rapunzel, me too. It's not something I would ever do, or my mum do to me.

Hmmmm

"Mum you've enjoyed the bracelet for 20 years, it is mine and now I'd like it so I can either wear it in one form or another. I want to wear it because it was a gift from Nan and that means a lot to me now I'm older (and a Mum myself)."

I think you need to stress you want it back for sentimental reasons and you feel like you shouldn't have to be asking for it back, it should have been handed over to you willingly a long time ago!

I don't understand the "it's been too long" or "I wouldn't upset her over it" comments

It's a bracelet. OP's mum can manage quite nicely without it and there will be no suffering if she takes it back - it's not a car or a house or something that her will suffer if she takes it back

I really don;t get why someone being manipulative with a teenager gets rewarded for it forever and OP has to wait for her mum to die before she gets her property back. Always assuming DM hasn't pawned it by then!

I think getting it melted down and turned into a charm is a great idea- and sell the remaining gold

I have been given gold over the years from family members, and have always, with the help of my parents when younger, sold it once I've grown out of it and replaced with the same value of gold ( baby charms that became bracelets). The gold was always gifted as an investment anyway.

When I got married I had the gold melted down and made into my engagement ring and my wedding band and DHs wedding band too.

Most jewellers will be able to melt down your gold and make a new piece of jewelry out of it for you.

For those asking earlier about value, depending on the carat gold is around £10-30 per gram scrap value. So a chunky bracelet is worth a fair bit on money!

Kewcumber

I wonder if it reflects how difficult some of us find it to assert ourselves with our mums. I agree with you.

Has something happened to make you want to 'confront' your mum?

Nothing really, just that it occurred to me when wearing my other jewellery that I’d never got it back. I didn’t confront her I just asked her to bring it back with her when she visits.

I agree Mustang that mixed gold charms look very pretty indeed!

This is so difficult. I see why your mum didn't want a 13 year old to wear an expensive piece of jewellery - kids do lose things, but she really ought to have returned it when you were 18. I think she thinks of it as hers now, because she gas bern wearing it all these years, she likes it and you don't. If I'm honest I don't think she ought to have worn it - what would have happened if she had lost it?
I do get though, that she is finding it hard to give it back knowing that you don't intend to keep it.
Really she ought to just suck it up and return what is yours or offer to give you the money/buy you something you do want.

I think this isn't going to be solved by anything other than you talking to her. In the end, it is yours and she has no right to keep it. I think if she had been close to her mum and had a deep semtimental attachment to it, I'd have let her keep it but since that isn't the case, she really should honour what your nan intended.
Thing is, if she is basically a decent mum, is it worth the hassle over a piece of jewellery you don't even want?
Another thing is that jewellery rarely gets anywhere near the amount of money it was bought for, when sold second hand. So you could end up with bad feeling between you and your mum over a couple of hundred pounds. You have to weigh up whether her keeping it will piss you off enough to go down that road.

How about taking a link from the original bracelet and making a small charm from that with an added stone of your choice. A jeweller could likely add an identical new link to replace the old one(s)

That way you get the memento from the original bracelet, your mum gets the bracelet and you both walk away happy.

Or get your mum to buy you a charm in exhange for keeoing the bracelet.

Make no mistake though that the bracelet is likely worth many more times that that.

Nice mum's don't do this so I have no doubt there no easy way out except making yourself a doormat.

So you have jewellery belonging to your Nan to "remember" her by, and you don't actually like the bracelet anyway. So it's the fact that it may be worth money that's really motivating you?
Don't dress it up in sentimentality if it's the hard cash you really want to get your mitts on.

Iamagreyghound

That's not borne out by what OP says. She wants to buy a charm

Who cares whether it's money or sentimentality?

OP mum's is not hanging onto it for "sentimental" reasons - OP doens;t have to have a higher purpose to reclaim her own property.

Get your mitts on?!

It's HER bracelet.

The bottom line is that her mum has no right, no right at all to refuse to give it to her - it belongs to her. I would have a lot more sympathy if her mum pleaded with her not to sell it but at least accepted that the bracelet was a gift to her and did not point blank refuse to give it back!

Your mum has behaved very badly here really.

She took over the bracelet when you got it and just began using it for herself, bascially, and she doesn't want to give it back. That's the bottom line. The 'keeping it safe for you' line only works if that was what she was doing - she didn't - she just kept it for herself! She could easily have lost it too, keeping safe means keeping it for you somewhere safe because you were a teenager, not just helping herself to it.

This is now exposed as you've asked for it back, as an adult, and she's refusing.

I would indeed tell her that you've changed your miind about selling it (that isn't a lie if you decide you'd rather get it made into something else, but you don't need to tell her that bit either as she'll use that as her excuse for keeping it).

Tell her she's right and you don't think it's right to part with it. So yes please you will have YOUR bracelet back now thank you.

I would bet money on the fact that she will find another reason to refuse, because the bottom line is that she wants to keep it. Which is stealing.

YANBU to ask for it back. However rather than sell it and buy something new you should look at getting it repurposed (melted into something new) that is more your style or several charms. Plenty of independent jewellers do this.

Christ - its not a family heirloom - it was a Christmas present to OP that has for all intents and purposes been stolen by the mum.

OP you have a choice. It will upset your mother if you sell it, you can lie but is it worth it. It is yours to do with as you wish. If I was in your shoes, I would offer it to my mum to buy ie. buy me the charm. My mum and I often go through jewellery that the other doesn't want. We don't ask for any money, but then we would never keep stuff from each other in the way your mum has. If you have a key, go over when she is out and take it back.

I think all this hinges on whether or not mother and daughter get on well. You can tell from the answers who has issues with their own mothers!

pen how is her mum senitmental when she hated her own mothr

she prob couldnt give a toss really just doesnt want to hand it over

op shes got a cheek saying its sentimental when she was glad her mother had died

I would have been glad for my mum to wear it & it not be just sitting around if I never intended to wear it.

However, if I asked for it back to sell for money for a charm, she'd at least offer to buy the charm & add some money, even if it still didn't come to the value of the bracelet.