Or is my mum over what to do with my bracelet?

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

When I was 13 (20 years ago) my nan bought me a solid yellow gold bracelet for Christmas. It’s like a chunky curb style, and my mum wouldn’t let me wear it because she was afraid I’d lose it. She said I could have it when I turned 18.

I’ll be honest it’s not my style and never has been, I prefer minimal jewellery, usually delicate white gold pieces. Mum has worn herself pretty much every time I’ve seen her, it’s very much her style. So I’ve never asked for it back, but I also haven’t said my Mum can keep it either. She lives abroad now anyway so it’s not just like I can pop over for it.

My nan died 4 years ago, and I’ve been thinking of selling the bracelet to a jewellers and getting a charm for my charm bracelet with my nan’s favourite stone (every charm I have signifies something or someone to me). I figured this is better than never wearing a bracelet because I don’t really like it.

Mum is visiting soon and I rang this morning to ask her if she could bring my bracelet back with her. When she pressed further (she knows I’m not keen on the style) I told her my plan of getting a charm instead.

Mum is very sentimental about keepsakes and is upset, says I should either wear it or not wear it, but not sell it. She’s not willing to bring it over. I’d almost understand if she was upset on behalf of my nan, but she didn’t like my nan (her mother) and told me when she died that she was pleased (whole other story). I also wonder if she really wants to keep my bracelet for herself, she always wears it and I’ve said a few times “isn’t that my bracelet?” and she says if I’m not wearing it she may as well. TBF she’s kept it in a great condition, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not hers to wear.

WIBU? Am I right in thinking it’s not her call what I do with my jewellery?

[gillybeanz]

Ask for it back, tell her you'll be wearing for x event and can she bring it with her as it does belong to you from your nan.

be ready for her to conveniently forget it though and decide if it's worth falling out over.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

OK so I’m going to message her, and it’s not being dishonest, I’m going to say something like-

“Hi Mum
Been thinking. If you bring my bracelet with you and I’ll have another look at it and see how I feel about what I want to do with it - how does that sound?”

Thoughts??

It’s not promising anything either way.

[livefornaps]

No don't do that - tell her in no uncertain terms you want it back to wear.

She is a sneaky thief.

Just get it back.

[splendidisolation]

Just FYI - my mum took her wedding ring from her ex husband (my dad) and gave it for me to have the gold melted down and reworked into something i designed.

I think thats a good idea for you - you keep the actual gold your gran bought that way.

[diddl]

She probably won't bring it as you've already mentioned selling.

Does she usually wear it when she visits?

Just "make sure that you bring my bracelet over when you visit"?

[Eliza9917]

AdalindSchade
Fuck man this thread is weird
It's a sentimental item. A piece of family history. I'm not surprised the mum doesn't want it sold.
Op if you're broke then I guess there is an argument for selling the bracelet but it's bollocks to say you want to sell it to buy something to remember your nan by confused Whatever you buy won't be from your nan so why not just go and buy yourself something to remember your nan? Why must you sell this bracelet that your mum has been wearing for years that came from her mum?

This

[splendidisolation]

Make sure on the morning she travels you text a gentle reminder so she doesnt conveniently forget

[Ceto]

She's never going to fall for that, is she, OP? You need to say that it's yours, you want it back, full stop. You could maybe say you want to keep it even if you're not going to wear it immediately.

[splendidisolation]

For whats its worth i think you are BOTH unreasonable.
She because its not her bracelet and she should be returning it without discussion.
You because you cant just use your gran as a way of getting some nice new jewellery for yourself.
It was a gift. As an example my sister gave me a bottle of No.5 she had been gifted. Turns out I dont actually like it. Now I could sell this bottle on ebay, pocket the cash and buy myself a bottle of No. 19. OR I could gift it again to my MIL. Obviously I'm going to do the latter.

A way around it is to have the gold melted down, as I explained above.

[monkeywithacowface]

I'd probably say just let her keep it after all this time. You've never really missed it. TBH there's a sense of false sentimentality about selling off an actual gift from your Nan to buy a charm you like in order to remember your Nan.

[MorrisZapp]

Totally agree with adalind. Family lunches must be very weird at some peoples houses.

Here gran, have you got that tenner you owe me from 1989? Yeah I know you sacrificed loads over the years but I want my cash.

[troodiedoo]

It's your bracelet to do as you please with, you don't owe anyone an explanation. Your mum is a CF for sure. Saying you couldn't wear it till you were 18 was not on.

[Giraffesarequitetall]

Cherrychasing - I wouldn't send your last message, you are asking her to maybe consider bringing it so you can maybe consider what you what to do with it. And then you're asking for her permission to maybe consider it all!!

No!Just tell her you would like her to bring it. If need be, say something like you are not yet sure what you plan to do but you want her to bring it back so you can consider.

[HeyRoly]

Honestly, u think you need to accept that your mum stole that bracelet off you and you'll never get it back.

It's one thing to say "I'm putting it away until you're 18" (which is bullshit as we all know - and what did your nan say about you not being allowed to have her expensive gift anyway?) but quite another for your mother to just wear it.

[diddl]

How is it a sentimental piece?

Op's mum wears it because she likes it, not because of who bought it.

Op had forgotten about it.

[Migraleve]

I don’t understand why people think this is a family braclet? It wasn’t passed down by the man it was just something she bought her granddaughter! Sentimental family jewellery is something a previous owner passes down the line, not a brand new piece bought for your 13th

OP it is your bracelet to do with as you please. Your mum is being a CF.

[Migraleve]

*passed by the NAN

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Yes it’s not an heirloom it was a gift for me. And it’s hardly comparable to a tenner

I’ve scrapped the last message, I’ve sent one to say please bring the bracelet when you come and we’ll talk more when you’re here.

And yes I accept that I may not get it back. But I love the thought of it being made into something else!

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

It's a sentimental item. A piece of family history. I'm not surprised the mum doesn't want it sold.

You do realise it was bought for the OP for her 13th birthday, don't you?

[astoundedgoat]

Your Mum has taken the bracelet for herself and you will not get it back without a huge amount of aggro. It's entirely up to you how you handle it, but she's not giving it back without a fight. She thinks it's hers.

[IfyouseeRitaMoreno]

It really depends on your relationship with your Mum. I can’t imagine asking my mum to give up something that she’s worn and loved for years so I can sell it for something else.

So what if she wore it after you’d said you didn’t like it?

She’s your Mum FGS. Unless she’s been an awful one then I’d apologise and be happy it brings her joy.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Ifyou at the risk of drip feeding, she has been an awful Mum, I’ve posted a few times on here about her. She’s done unforgivable things to me but I’m trying to build a semblance of a relationship. And I’m trying not to let my bias against her get in the way (easier said than done)

[melj1213]

Regardless of how long the OPs mum has had the bracelet, it is not her property and therefore she has no claim on it.

I am 28 but my mum still has some sentimental jewellery I was gifted/bequeathed throughout my childhood. My great aunt was very wealthy, had no children of her own but was very close to my mother and then me and my siblings so she would buy us all "investment items" for milestone birthdays/christening/first holy communion etc - eg when I was born I was bought a solid gold bangle with my birthstone set in and my birthdate engraved into it, obviously once I grew I could no longer wear it but it was intended to be kept as an heirloom and the plan was much like the OP's - it was jewellery gifted to me and would be mine to do with what I wished when I turned 18 but until then it would be my mother who was responsible for looking after it.

However when I was 18 I went to Uni and moved abroad so my mum kept my jewellery at home for safekeeping as I didn't want to be worrying about losing it when moving and travelling. Two years ago I moved back to my hometown ... I could have asked for my jewellery, since I was now settled but there's also no reason for me to change the status quo as she has a lot of expensive jewellery of her own so mine are just a few more pieces for her to clean occasionally. She also has them all covered by a specialist jewellery insurance and it has no impact on her premium as her cover was calculated based on all the items in her jewellery collection, including my items. If I put them on my home insurance it would hugely increase my premiums as I have practically nothing else that even comes close to their value.

My mum is happy to keep hold of the pieces for me, if I want to wear them I can pop round any time to pick them up and she would never withhold them from me. The day I asked her for something that was mine and she refused would be the day I demanded she hand it all over to my care, as I have had the right to do at any point in the last 10 years.

[LaurieFairyCake]

I don’t believe for one minute that your awful Mum will bring it with her

She’s clearly a terrible person