To ignore her?

[AwayInLalaLand]

I received a series of Facebook message recently from a woman I don't know at all and have no mutual friends with. Apparently, in 2011, I went on four dates with her current boyfriend.

Her messages are very long and she asks a series of personal questions including did he get you pregnant? Did you have an abortion? She asks because "he can't remember". I didn't respond and she's been messaging since calling me unfair for not answering.

I never slept with him.

She is saying it's upsetting him not knowing if he has a child and I owe him an explanation. Funnily enough he has messaged me or attempted to contact me in anyway. She has given me her mobile number and is demanding I call her.

Am I being unreasonable ignoring her and just blocking her or should I respond and fix his memory? I just feel that six years later it's ridiculous to message me out of the blue about impossibilities.

For legal precedence, it could be a good idea to express your wishes not to be contacted. However, as I have seen (frustratingly) time and again, police are extremely overstretched and harassment claims are often not given much time unless it becomes severe (we are talking threats of harm here).

If you just want to block, you could argue this is you expressing such a wish. Putting it in words gives you extra foothold should it go further (God forbid).

Hopefully this will be the last of it and she'll get the help she needs.

Sure as hell I wouldn't be detached. Exactly why I made my comment about being fed so much crap to make her act in this irrational manner.

@stargirl82 that part of my comment wasn't directed at you, I apologise for being unclear.

The fact is that mentally stable (more or less) individuals do not react this way to relationship problems. A relationship is emotional but this type of behaviour is way beyond a rational reaction to being treated awfully.

I honestly think it's the same person sending them, which is creepy as fuck.

Block, but keep screenshots, and report it to Facebook if you can. Not really sure how that works.

Absolutely could be the same person. Be careful OP.

He could mean another woman but expect you to say no.
If just reply saying you never slept with him and there are no children and it is ridiculous of her to be messaging you.

My god this is like eastenders.... how on earth did she find you?

I have no idea @hungry

OP - are you sure this is a woman/current girlfriend of your ex at all? Might it be him all along?

Yes, that's what I was wondering.
When you went on these dates can you remember anything weird about his behaviour?

@FlowerPot yeah I think I put on a PP that her profile says "in a relationship with X" and there are hundreds of pictures of them together so it's unlikely to be fake. It's not my circus and definitely not his monkeys xx

I reckon it’s all him. Why did you break up? Was he a bit controlling or something? He’s looking for a reason to get back in touch with you, and is showing you exactly why you shouldn’t.

We were never actually like I say it was four dates. There were no alarm bells we just fizzled haha x

Fucking hell. I would be too nosey and have to wait for a reply from him before I blocked him.

Me too noodle

Bunny boiler springs to mind.

I'd wait for a short time for a response. Right now he'll have a lot of shit to deal with at home. He's just found out there's a big issue with his missus.
You can tell them not to bother you again but it's not entirely necessary. Abusive messages over and over with no response from you is still unwanted communication. It's harassment. If you encourage it then of course it's a different matter but not engaging, not even to say piss off does not stop it from being harassment. We never specifically told ours to stop because we refused to engage further as she was clearly getting crazier and crazier, threatening and huge almost nonsensical rants. She was still prosecuted. Yours isn't called Julie perchance? I'd hate to think there's more like her out there. Ha ha ha!

Reading the OP’s first message I’d come to the conclusion that the GF is trying to conceive but it isn’t happening for whatever reason.

She’s asked her BF if he’s ever made anyone pregnant before to which he has replied ‘he believes he may have but she had an abortion’, or something along those lines.

In order for the GF to work out if this is true or not the GF had taken the unusual route of using details from his phone (as it’s pretty likely he still has your number) and tracked you down (plus others no doubt) on FB to do a bit of snooping. As your FB contains very little detail (I.e no pictures of a six year old) she has felt the need to message you. I can only assume the tone of the messages is meant to invite you to respond, in making you snap back at the innacuracies in what she is saying. Or she is simply pleading with you to tell her, but doing it in a totally illogical way. As in, it would be more appealing if she was honest with you and then you might be compelled to put the poor women’s mind to rest that you’re not the girl he made pregnant and she can go off and find out exactly which one it is.

I’m now wondering if she’s got hold of her BF’s FB details in an attempt to make you answer that way. To check if you’ve been ignoring her, and to see if you’d divulge details to him, I.e ‘how dare you tell your GF I aborted the baby etc’.

Her issue may be that she really wants a baby with her BF but it’s not happening. A world of IVF or similar is very daunting and that all might be making her act irrationally. It’s not an excuse, but it’s a reason.

By replying to him you may have only given her part of what she needs - that you have read her messages. She may still want answers

I reckon he has a std and needs to contact all sexual partners but his current misses, who cares more, is doing it on his behalf because he’s embarrassed. And asking about children is waiting for you to say you ‘didn’t sleep together so no’.

Or I’m being over imaginative and she’s just plain weird!!

Way too late to the party. I may have messaged her back if she had sent just one message but 14 is ott and I would have blocked. I probably wouldn't have messaged the ex as I am not convinced it's not her. Curiouser and curiouser.
I have my hubby's ex blocked on FB and Twitter as she used to ring him (on our old house number) and discuss my profile pictures.
We moved and changed numbers etc but she still occasionally emails him even though he has never responded (and we have been together 14 years).

This woman is a nut who has fallen off her tree. You have no idea how it is dangerous. Take precautions, especially as x is involved now too.

To all those STILL saying the OP is cruel not to reply, I’m curious as to why you think this woman is entitled to any information at all?

Let’s say the OP had slept with this man. Let’s say she had an abortion. Heck, let’s say she didn’t and she now has his six year old child at home. Why would she divulge ANY of that information to a total stranger who contacts her on Facebook? The fact that this woman is demanding such information in the first place is totally out of line, and OP is right to ignore it.

OP, I think you’ve done exactly the right thing by sending him the screenshots with absolutely no other input from you. As others have already speculated, there could be many different things going on here. My guess is that she was trying to get some ‘dirt’ to use against him and when you didn’t reply, she decided to just make it up and didn’t count on you responding to him. But that’s just one theory and as others have pointed out, it may not even be him messaging you. It may not even be his account! People have been known to fake entire relationships on Facebook before.

Really hope this is the end of it, but if it goes any further I think it will be time for the police.

Sounds horrid OP.
Has he read the screenshots yet?!

Glad you blocked her.
Any further contact, which can happen, if someone is determined, report to fb immediately.

George those are such unbelievably huge assumptions I've never come across something like it! Plus the OP has been clear that her and this man went on 4 dates 6 years ago and didn't have sex, why on earth would he be telling this girl that a) he thinks he got her pregnant and b) he thinks she had an abortion?!!

It's very unfair of the OP to be so "certain" of what has happened and to make OP feel guilty for not just giving her "the information she needs"