To ignore her?

[AwayInLalaLand]

I received a series of Facebook message recently from a woman I don't know at all and have no mutual friends with. Apparently, in 2011, I went on four dates with her current boyfriend.

Her messages are very long and she asks a series of personal questions including did he get you pregnant? Did you have an abortion? She asks because "he can't remember". I didn't respond and she's been messaging since calling me unfair for not answering.

I never slept with him.

She is saying it's upsetting him not knowing if he has a child and I owe him an explanation. Funnily enough he has messaged me or attempted to contact me in anyway. She has given me her mobile number and is demanding I call her.

Am I being unreasonable ignoring her and just blocking her or should I respond and fix his memory? I just feel that six years later it's ridiculous to message me out of the blue about impossibilities.

I would definitely send him the screen shots. With a message telling him to get his psycho GF some serious help.

Send the screenshots. He’s snookered then, and they can both continue their circus elsewhere.

My vote is online scam too. Block both.

I would 100% send the screen shots, personally I am a nosey bitch so I would then wait for a reply but I guess you could then block x

I think it's pretty clear this woman has mental health issues. Her behaviour is, of course, totally unreasonable, but mental illness does that.

Please just unblock her long enough to msg her that no, there are no children, you never slept together, and you're sorry but can't handle the messages and therefore must block her.

It's very sad. Of course it isn't your problem but this is a woman on the edge who needs help, not condemnation.

Please just unblock her long enough to msg her that no, there are no children, you never slept together, and you're sorry but can't handle the messages and therefore must block her.

She'll just think the OP is lying. Possibly try to get in touch in real life.

Block him, too. (It's quite satisfying to imagine idiots like these two getting more and more infuriated at your complete lack of interest and refusal to engage.) But keep copies of the messages. One sniff of any other attempts at contact (outside FB) and you ring 101. Good luck.
(and glad you have not been eaten.)

Send him the screenshots, then block. Any further contact from either of them, log with 101.

Can you report both profiles to Facebook as well for harrassement?

I’m the sort of person who would get super angry (hate being accused of things I haven’t done so it would get my back up!) and I’d end up sending one message back to him (if it is him) telling them both to fuck off and stop harassing me about stupid shit and if either of them attempt to contact me again i’ll be reporting them to the police for harassment. But that’s me.

I would definitely report them both to Facebook and just contact 101 for advice/make a formal complaint as they can possibly log it so if anything else happens they have evidence of your complaints (I’ve had to use them several times to log anti social behaviour, and they just open a case and give you a reference number and just log any calls you make referring to it - it could be classed as stalking/harassment?).

I agree with others that either she’s told him you’ve contacted her in an effort to get the truth from him OR it’s actually her using his account to message you because she thinks you’ll reply to him.

I would definitely NOT try to get in touch IRL as this will escalate things. I see where you're coming from but you don't know how far the stalking behaviour goes and this is a whole new can of worms.

Just read the latest ud. I would send screenshots, send the kind but firm message and then block both. Then check the security on your other social media.

It's one thing being kind to a person who is clearly on the edge, quite another to put yourself in a position to be stalked. Fb is one thing, a constant source of madness. But leave the madness there.

Poor tormented woman.

Any messages should be sent to both of them. Definitely send screenshots and say you've logged it all with the police.

Would the police be interested in this?

Definitely send all the screenshots, with her info v clear, with a message to him “neither of o ever contact me again” and then block him too.

Then report the pair of them via 101, just in case...

The only reason I suggested replying with "I did no such thing, and I don't want you or your gf to contact me again. Goodbye" and then block is so that you have proof of explicitly saying you want no further contact if the police need to be involved..not sure what the harassment laws there entail..
I really hope they leave you alone after this OP some people can be quite scary and aggressive.

Glad you've blocked her she sounds unhinged. Their dodgy relationship is nothing to do with you. You have no obligation to either

Why do people think this is a woman on the edge? And why is that OP’s responsibility?

Are you prepared to take the risk that she isn’t violent, won’t seek op out in rl and do her damage?

Are you prepared to put your own necks on the line when some not-very-interesting-but-really-quite-a-long-time-ago ex’s current gf gets in touch with you sending increasingly unpleasant messages, demanding details of a relationship that is none of her business? A total stranger to you? Who, for all you know, is actually a hairy-handed trucker?

You’d advise your daughters to take that course of action, too, I assume.

Yeah. Right.

Exactly JUX

Eye roll
What makes you think she's got mental health problems?? That's one massive assumption you are making! She's clearly been fed a load of crap and bullshit excuses and it's making her act irrationally. But you go right ahead and judge.

@AwayInLalaLand going from our awful experience of stalking, I would strongly recommend sending a copy of her messages to you to the boyfriend. Offer nothing more. Write nothing yourself. Please ensure the messages screenshotted show the times and date of sending and send the pictures back to back, with part of the last message included to show that there are no edited out replies from you.

IF it is her wanting you to engage all she will get is her own words back to her. If it is the boyfriend, it will be all he needs to see to alert him to the fact that his girlfriend is in dire need of mental help. He is only getting her side so had no reason to disbelieve her outlandish claims of your harassment.

I would also wait until the messages have been seen for a day or so to allow him time to reply, preferably with assurances that he is addressing the situation.

Our stalker's family were very helpful in stopping her harassing us. Once they knew she was at it again, her focus was taken off us a bit.

But she doesn't know its an impossibility does she? For all she knows you could have slept with him and had his child. I do think it's unfair not writing back. You may not owe her or him anything, but to be fair, it wont harm you writing back will it. Just get it over and done with and hopefully you wont hear from her (or him) again.

Really odd. How on earth did the FB algorithm let them find you?

I do think it's unfair not writing back

She sent the OP 14 harassing emails in 24 hours. Ignoring her is exactly the right course of action.

@stargirl82 other than my hrs degree in forensic psychology, people without MH issues DO NOT behave in this way. These are not even mild symptoms. This is someone screaming for help.

I'm not diagnosing or judging, Just giving informed advice as best I can without having the full story. This is MN.

Of course it's not the OP's problem and she shouldn't put herself in harm's way, I don't think anyone is disputing that. But I'm assuming she has a social conscience. If you saw someone in need of physical medical help, would you be so detached?

Thank you for the advice have sent the screenshots with nothing else in response (all times visible). It also shows at the bottom she is blocked as I can't reply and I've thrown I'm a screenshot of the "unblock" option in so she can't even try to claim she blocked me. He's seen the pictures. No response yet.

I am tempted to put "please don't either of you contact me again" and block or just block.

Thank you for all of the advice and different perspectives you're wonderful

FFS Mistymumma, these people do not deserve any consideration (if there are two people and not one random douchecanoe). I would be making a point of ensuring they never got the information they are asking for. They have no right to it whatsoever.

Block for the moment, OP. If they make further attempts to contact you by any other means, send the following 'Do not make any more attempts to contact me or you will be reported to the police for harassment'. No more than that. And if they persist further, report them.

Worth noting, all you appeasers and whiners, that if OP had been pregnant and terminated the pregnancy, the ex boyfriend would have had no legal right to the information. While a woman may choose to discuss termination with her partner, she cannot be compelled to do so: this is an important safeguard for women as some men are abusive on the topic of pregnancy.