Disappointed in gifts, is it just me?

[Herewegoagain2]

I’ve just reacted openly about a gift that I didn’t like from MIL for our new baby (3rd due in 6weeks). Feeing dreadful for hurting her feelings but I’m just fed up of getting gifts I don’t actually like. Does anyone else feel disappointed when recieving a gift they really don’t like or need? I know I sound really ungrateful and I feel bad about that too, but I feel like it’s such a waste of money and always think about what I would have preferred or liked instead.
As a child I had these feelings too, to the point I would actually rather nothing than an unwanted gift. Sorry that sounds terrible but just how I feel and wondering if I’m the only one?

I bought my niece a 6' tall inflatable penguin when she was 2.

This was before I had kids.

How my sister didn't shove it up my arse I will never know.

supersop buying clothes for the kids to grow into drives me nuts. Fair enough the next size up but my father in law used to get my 2 things that were 2 years older. Both kids are average size. What’s the fucking point of buying a present that has to sit in a drawer for two years?

Most people, by the time they reach adulthood, have learned how to express gratitude for a gift, even if the gift is not to their liking.

I remember 'coaching' the dcs from quite a young age, before Xmas, Birthdays etc. in appropriate reactions on receiving a present, and to smile and say thank you very much even if it was a duplicate/they didn't really like it etc. They were perfectly able to understand that if someone gives you a present, they are being kind, and it is hurtful to look or act disappointed. We always sorted it out afterwards by exchanging duplicate books, for example, or I would reserve the present for one of their friends' Birthdays and give them the money.

I think it all stemmed from an incident which went down in the annals of family history. I was given a lovely, quite expensive hairbrush (Mason Pearson) for my 4th Birthday by a dear friend of the family. I had evidently been expecting something else, as I opened it and expressed my disappointment by lobbing it across the room . I don't remember what happened afterwards, but I think I must have been given a talking to, as I've never forgotten it and didn't want the dcs to ever be as ungrateful as my 4 year old self!

YANBU.
Crying? Your MIL needs to grow up and have a stern word with herself.
I'm a MIL with a grandchild and an 8yr DS. I would rather have an honest conversation with my two DIL's to ensure any gifts are either just for fun, useful or actually needed.
I'd be appalled if I thought they felt the need to put on an act of gratefulness. They're family, for goodness sake!

I do get where you're coming from. I mean - Santawon'tbelong getting a frying pan on the birth of her dd??? Was that just an extra found in the cupboard - I've got to take something and this is the only new thing I've got? I agree that I'd rather not have a gift than to put myself through the angst of thinking (usually overthinking) "Why would they think I would love to receive that??" I have received things (not often) that I would never have assigned to me - often nor to anybody else!! I then wonder what they truly think of me and get upset. That is the downside of this - you have to consider the feelings of the person you are gifting to!! Just had a baby - go with the popular - or go with nothing :-(

If being given a gift 'is not about you' (!) 😂, then what is?

The more I read about how the majority of you treat your MILs the more I’m convinced the problem isn’t necessarily with them.

OP, I am surprised by this thread.
Your MIL has put very little thought into this. She bought what she wanted to get. Maybe she could have it at her house for when you visit.

A friend buys things for a godson. These are things the friend thinks the godson should have. The godson has no interest in them and would prefer a gift voucher. I think the friend is selfish.

Why do people buy other people's DCs clothes? Surely it's the parents' choice what their child should wear.

Donkeyoil my mum did the same thing. She coached me just to say thank you very much. I’ve carried that throughout my life. I painstakingly pick gifts out for people. I will stand in a store for ages choosing gifts and it would hurt me if I thought they weren’t liked. Even if they weren’t really!

Mikeuniformmike when I just had a little boy I bought all my friends who had little girls clothes because I wasn’t sure I’d get the chance to do it for myself. I always went with styles I’d seen them in and I openly told them this is why I’m buying you clothes! I did have a daughter second time so got to buy those clothes. Now I buy new babies boy or girl, clothes because they’re cute and I think clothes are useful and appreciated.

Presents can be a minefield. My MIL used to arrive at Christmas with black bin bags full of stuff. I used to bite my tongue and think why couldn't she buy something useful, my mum was the opposite and she would ask if we needed something or give me money and ask me to choose. I suppose some people wouldn't like that.

I usually ask my GCs parents and get agreement about what they need/want and I choose something and they know not to get that.

I remember being terribly hurt by my aunt. She never had children, she did want them but it never happened. She got nasty one year when I was an adult with children and told me she resented the fact that she had spent years buying presents for other people's children. The family rule was presents for kids only but she was the exception and we would all buy her stuff so it felt really hurtful that she had spent years resenting buying presents when we had always been generous to her, even spending our pocketmoney on presents when we were quite young.

Makes you wonder if it is all worth it.

Try growing up with very little and you will be so happy to receive a gift no matter what! Yes, you are ungrateful!

OP, I know exactly how you feel. I was the same. I went to great lengths trying to buy things I thought nieces and nephews (all on DH's side) would genuinely like. Put thought into gifts for inlaws, etc. Made sure of sizes, interests, preferences etc ... and in return they would buy me and our children tat, clearly last minute thoughts. So I finally just called time on it and stopped, and told DH he could do gifts for all of them. He of course generally forgets, and ends up doing cash/amazon vouchers after the fact.

Funnily enough, one sibling noticed and slightly improved her buying attempts for our children about a year after I stopped, but still always, always always at least 2 sizes too small in everything she picks out. Seriously. It has to be deliberate. She knows they're all tall for their ages. It all always goes back to the shops, and I still leave it to my DH to sort, because I'm done. I won't shop for any of them any more.

So I actually feel for you OP. It's hard when people take no notice of what is actually wanted, nice or helpful in your life and make it all about what they think you should want. Even when it's screamingly obvious you have no room or have never shown an interest in any such thing.

eulmh, it's fine if your taste is the same as the parents'. With the little girls clothes were you buying them to make you happy or your friends? A bit of both probably.

Every year I share an article on my social media about Christmas present giving from Martin Lewis. It makes sense what he says, especially making the obligation of buying reciprocal gifts.
Someone buys you a £30 present you don’t want, let’s say a jumper and you don’t like it, so you, buy them some earrings for £30 they don’t like/want. All you’ve done is buy yourself a jumper you neither wanted or liked for £30.

www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/money-saving-tips/9689707/Martin-Lewis-Its-time-to-ban-Christmas-presents.html

I asked my family (Aunties, Uncles, Grandparents etc) that instead of buying a £5 piece of tat and just putting £10 in a gift envelope could we do a £100 secret Santa and the recipient writes a list that must be stuck too.
My theory being for more money you can actually get something you want rather than tat. They all said no. I politely then said I would no longer be buying presents so please don’t buy me anything. They have continued to buy for me. At first I felt guilty but I was clear about it from the start.

I’ve been bought some gifts I really don’t like in my time hence why I stopped buying a lot.

I’ve now read why the OP reacted the way she did.
With someone as close as a MIL it would annoy me too (call me an ungrateful grabby cow all you like 😜)
You’d already told her you were clearing out all toys and tat, you have already got two older children so you’ve got all the baby stuff and she puts no consideration/thought into a gift at all and just orders/buys another plastic baby gym! I can understand why the OP was espasterated!

I am going to enjoy shit presents now just because I can be espasterated. Love it!

I get where you’re coming from OP. I had a good relationship with my MIL (now deceased) but the present thing really irritated me. She once bought me a size 20 nightie from M&S (it was vastly reduced and still had the tag on it). I was a size 12! She always reused wrapping paper from gifts she’d received. It still had the old sellotape on it, was all wrinkled and she just threw it round the gift with no attempt to seal it. Often Christmas paper on a birthday gift lol. She wasn’t short of a bob or two.

Is this a reverse?

Echo Martin Lewis. We follow that rule too but only for adults.

It was cruel, selfish, spoilt and childish of you.

We all get gifts we hate - just return or give to charity.

If I was her, I would not buy you another gift in a hurry.

I understand you OP, in fact I have posted on here about similar problems! When my twins were born we were given lots of silver trinkets with twee pictures of storks on them that got put straight into storage - I would have been doubly annoyed if I had had to actually see them day in day out! I didn't just feel annoyed for myself though, but for the people who had spent so much on gifts that we really didn't want - I would have preferred nappies to be honest!

Haha MikeUniformMike spelling was never my strong point! 😂😂😜😂

Thanks to google!

I mean exasperated!