Disappointed in gifts, is it just me?

[Herewegoagain2]

I’ve just reacted openly about a gift that I didn’t like from MIL for our new baby (3rd due in 6weeks). Feeing dreadful for hurting her feelings but I’m just fed up of getting gifts I don’t actually like. Does anyone else feel disappointed when recieving a gift they really don’t like or need? I know I sound really ungrateful and I feel bad about that too, but I feel like it’s such a waste of money and always think about what I would have preferred or liked instead.
As a child I had these feelings too, to the point I would actually rather nothing than an unwanted gift. Sorry that sounds terrible but just how I feel and wondering if I’m the only one?

[CarlitosBae]

I hate giving gifts that may be re-gifted or disliked.. I would much rather someone tell me. There's a site I found a site called Gift Wink. They do it all for you and the gifts are lovely. Maybe tell those people that do it badly!

[CecilyP]

What in earth are you being given to cause such consternation?!

There's been a fair few examples on this thread!

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

If you don't send thank you cards you won't get any more presents? .

[Jiggy17]

Oh my goodness bluntness, I'm glad I'm not u! Rude and nasty! Op was feeling bad was prob just trying to vent. I feel bad too when people give me things that I know I'll not use and will give to a charity shop. Don't feel entitled, just would rather people didn't but things for the sake of buying, waste of money. Would rather a get together and have a bit of fun than money spent just to give a gift! But anyway, no need to be rude to someone else!

[Plainlycrackers]

Yup, I know this happened in our family... a great aunt stopped sending gifts because she never heard from the recipients who lived at the other end of the country... we use the online postcard thing for sending thank you’s to far flung family & friends now that the DC are teenagers - much less painful!! Bit more expensive but we don’t have a huge number to send and the older rellys love getting a picture of them with a quick message... DS even got a thank you note from MiL for one of his own artwork!!

[CakesRUs]

I know what you mean, be genuinely polite and thankful, then give new to the charity shop for someone who will want it to buy.

[Springprim]

I would rather not receive a gift too, but I just smile and say thanks. Giving presents makes other people feel happy. I then either put the gift in a box for my dc to give to teachers/friends for xmas, charity shop or car boot sale.

[eulmh]

Mikeuniformmike yes I admit it was probably to make me happy too but equally I chose clothes that were similar to what I had seen them in they weren’t completely out there. My family gift clothes that aren’t always to my taste but I’m grateful my children have people who love them

[manicmij]

Ungrateful. Can you read everyones' mind knowing exactly what will thrill them in a present. Make birthdays, Christmas, baby arrivals present free then you won't be disappointed.

[pandapop17]

Some people buy gifts to bestow what they think is their amazing taste and preference on you. They just assume you like the same stuff. It's annoying and self indulgent!

[eulmh]

Wow some really ungrateful people. Be grateful your child is loved enough that simebidy else buys a gift!

[Sarahrellyboo1987]

You are being VERY unreasonable with your reaction. Quite frankly I wouldn't ever buy you a gift again!
Poor kids with such a shameful example to follow.
If you don't like it you should still accept it - with grace.

[KoalaD]

They just assume you like the same stuff. It's annoying and self indulgent!

No, self-indulgent would be thinking 'fuck you' and buying it for themselves instead.

Maybe they're just lacking in imagination and think you might like something that they like. Who knows? Well done for jumping to the unkindest conclusions, though.

[grannytomine]

I love that people think they always give wonderful presents and know just what people want. They always get it right. Some of the most awful present givers I know pride themselves on being so much more thoughtful than other people.

I keep dropping hints that all I want is Amazon vouchers to feed my book buying habit but I've been told that it isn't thoughtful enough so with a birthday just gone I have a pile of chocolate goodies (no good for my weight) and some beautiful pot plants (but I've run out of places to put them but the trouble is because I look after them and people see them looking loved they assume I love pot plants.)

At least no one has given me a Yankee candle which I totally don't get the point of.

I had a great birthday and all the chocolates and plants came with love so that was great.

[pandapop17]

koalaD you are right they do buy it for themselves! Imagine you had a relative who has known you for 20 years. Every year they shop at a boutique near their holiday home abroad (so you can't return it!). They buy themselves lots of clothes and then buy you and all the female relatives the same jumper/ skirt whatever (we all get the same no thought goes into it!). You then have to pretend every year that you love the clothes that someone who is 40 years older than you and dresses like Margo from The Good Life likes . I know I am being a bitch but I am not grateful. Its totally bizarre and last year I cracked! It's a huge waste of money. I can only assume that she thinks we all should dress like her and has no interest in what any woman in the family likes!

[KoalaD]

Well okay, that is^ a bit shit

[pandapop17]

Thanks (it is also quite funny sometimes, my sis in law used to pre warn me so I could practice my "it's lovely " face ! )

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

YANBU. I also feel really ungrateful to be saying this but I dread the gifts my mum buys for my DC, particularly my eldest who is 4. It’s no so much a ‘where to put them’ issue, but just things a small child won’t be interested in. She bought a crystal Olaf ornament when DD was 2, which was beautiful and not cheap but after much thought I didn’t even show it to DD. She’f want to play with it and you can guarantee it would be smashed in about 45 seconds. I’ve stored it away. This year she’s getting the kids a glass bauble each for Christmas with their names on, for about £40 each. I really want to tell her to please just buy DD a Barbie, a bauble will mean nothing to her and at 4 she’s not great at hiding her disappointment. It’s the same every hear, they never get a toy or book. I get that Mum wants to get them ‘keepsakes’ but I wish she’d just buy one toy to make them happy. (Yes I’m an ungrateful twat)

[1Squirrelnut]

Goodness, your reaction is fine and perfectly normal Herewegoagain2. Don't worry about feeling ungrateful or anything like that, if it's what you feel then no problem, if it comes from the heart then don't let anyone try and sway you to think differently.
I think when we all grow up and get more and more stuff, there's a limit of how much 'more' we need. At Christmas we don't do presents for adults, only for kids but we've laid the ground so that no one does any ahead of time. There are a few older adults that love buying presents and were disappointed at first but they seem happy now as they respect our wishes now too.
I used to get that sinking feeling when I received a present that I really didn't want and it was actually quite depressing at Christmas, so much waste etc and the pressure of 'having to give a present'. I can appreciate that not everyone feels this way, but that's great as we are all different and hopefully we can respect each other as different coming from different experiences and not have too much judgement over one another.
With a new baby however, I can see that this is different to family, MIL probably wants to give something to be in the child's life. We had some awful presents for our kids over the years but luckily most of them were opened away from the person who gave it and so the reaction was not seen. So what if you're reaction was not the best, don't worry now, just think what it should have been, gracious and smiling perhaps? learn from it and carry on, apologising may help ease your thoughts but your reaction was pretty valid too! Being honest can be hard for others but liberating for ourselves.
If someone asks to buy us a present now, we tend to request a charity donation of our choice, I'm not sure what that says about us at all but I don't care because we're not doing it to look good but an opportunity to help out wherever we can.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Some of the most awful present givers I know pride themselves on being so much more thoughtful than other people.

I agree.

A little while ago a poster had a grumble here about her ungrateful brother saying that her nephew didn’t like his Xmas present when she asked. She spent £40 on it being the generous and thoughtful aunt she was.

It was a Lego set, and the child was 16 and had never been into Lego. No thought at all had gone into that gift, but she complained because they weren’t falling over themselves in gratitude.

[MrsHathaway]

when you’re given a gift it’s not about you, it’s about the thought and effort someone else has put into getting something for you.

Really?! I'm gutted. I thought gifts were about the recipient!

A couple of DH's relatives always give me a bottle of champagne for Christmas. I have been basically teetotal for a decade. But I know that we don't know each other well, so it isn't at all hurtful that they miss the mark, and it's useful to have a spare bottle of fizz lying around for when I go to someone else's: in effect the present they have given me is the time and money I'd have spent getting something for my friend, and that's something to be grateful for.

But when someone who ought to know you gets you something way off the mark (clothes you'd never ever wear, or something you're allergic to, or an ornament you hate) then it rocks your understanding of your relationship with them. In some cases as pps have pointed out it's because they are trying to change you, or because they're gifting to their image of you which you can never live up to. That hurts because you see it as a direct criticism of yourself or how you live your life.

PIL tend to give me vouchers now, as I've been carefully exuberantly grateful for them in the past. Exchanging money is slightly pointless, of course, but I'm far more able to justify spending a voucher on myself than cash so it does end up being a treat (as opposed to their spending the same amount on actual goods in the same shop which I then exchange for less than they spent because they have since gone in the sale).

I don't think I'm particularly good at giving presents, except that I know I've had a few notable hits and I avoid giving anything which puts an obligation on the recipient, so no ornaments which would need to be displayed, for example, and consumable things like chocolates/wine/hand cream so they can easily pass on or swap or use up and not have hanging around forever. Children over around the age of 8 just get cash or equivalent because bloody hell it's what they want and they have very few opportunities to get any otherwise.

OP is clearly at the end of her tether for reasons not to do with MIL. Of course her reaction was unfortunate, but she did her best afterwards, and sometimes it's healthy to show our true emotions.

[1Squirrelnut]

Err being pregnant...?
you are allowed to be emotional I think?
You don't need help, just support! and for others not to be so judgemental, it's okay to cry and feel stuff 6 weeks before a baby is due - rational or not, goodness.

[RidingMyBike]

I always found present opening as an older child/teenager very stressful - I’m a massive introvert so having to open stuff in front of everyone and pretend to be grateful for all of it made Christmas Day (in particular) a bit of a minefield. I remember having to hide being really upset one year as I’d asked for a calculator I needed for a course I was doing and instead received some make up (I didn’t wear make up then!). This was pre-eBay so no way of selling it on, and I was on a limited budget so then had to buy the calculator myself... I don’t think anyone noticed how upset I was as I hid it and appeared grateful but I do remember feeling gutted at how nobody had really got ‘me’ when they went present-shopping.

[TwattyCatty]

Err being pregnant...?you are allowed to be emotional I think?

I hate when women use pregnancy as an excuse for being a shit.