Disappointed in gifts, is it just me?

[Herewegoagain2]

I’ve just reacted openly about a gift that I didn’t like from MIL for our new baby (3rd due in 6weeks). Feeing dreadful for hurting her feelings but I’m just fed up of getting gifts I don’t actually like. Does anyone else feel disappointed when recieving a gift they really don’t like or need? I know I sound really ungrateful and I feel bad about that too, but I feel like it’s such a waste of money and always think about what I would have preferred or liked instead.
As a child I had these feelings too, to the point I would actually rather nothing than an unwanted gift. Sorry that sounds terrible but just how I feel and wondering if I’m the only one?

[Ghanagirl]

I'm sorry OP,
You're not ungrateful at all!
as someone who puts so much effort into buying beautiful and sometimes expensive gifts it's really shit when you get really crap unthoughtful pressies😕

[Stripesandstars44]

You do sound v ungrateful. Your MIL went out and bought something for your baby that she thought you’d like. She picked it up in the shop, queued up and paid for it, and then gave it to you in the hope that you would like it. It makes me v sad that you were ungrateful and she knows u don’t like it. I hope one day someone does this to you so you know how it feels.

[Fruitcorner123]

pidgeonspray you remind me of Gareth from 'The office' when he gets a novelty item for his secret santa gift
Most of us would feel grateful our work colleagues had been thoughful and organised enough to remember our birthdays. It's just a gesture for goodness sake!

[LaurieMarlow]

Honestly OP you need to grow up and act with some manners.

It's normal to be disappointed, not everyone is perfectly tuned into your taste. But it is not normal for a grown adult to show it.

[Misspilly88]

I totally get you OP. Having been brought up in a family where you either had to suggest what presents you wanted or the buyer had to be 100% sure that the recipient would like the present or there were no presents. I feel SO uncomfortable when people waste their money on something that's not wanted. I would rather get nothing and just have their company.

[Fruitcorner123]

ghanagirl how do you know the gift was crap and unthoughtful. The mil might have spent hours choosing it and might have really been convinced the op would like it.

[Herewegoagain2]

I know I am being ungrateful and I would like to work on why I feel like this when receiving gifts. Maybe I am just one big selfish grabby person ?!?
I am exhausted and ill with 6 weeks till due day and two kids, and it was just a huge singing dancing plastic play mat gym thing she brought for the new baby. We have a gym thing from last two kids, our house is pretty small, she knows we didn’t need anything and that we’re trying to cut back on the amount of plastic stuff and toys that having 3 kids will bring. I sighed and said ‘oh god’ when she arrived, she cried, I cried apologised and tried to explain my reaction.
It just got me into thinking about all this gift giving and unwanted things for the sake of them and how I’d just rather not have gifts.

[RiceBurner]

I feel like that too OP. It's the sad waste. i prefer not to get presents .... ever! (As I dread getting something I will never use but which I will feel obliged to keep as someone gave it to me.) That's why I also hate BUYING gifts and prefer not to as I usually have no idea what to get and dread the gift receiver not liking the gift. Also the waste of gift-giving in general. I think it was Martin Lewis (of MSE) who said that most gifts never equate to the price actually paid in the receiver's eye. In other words the price the receiver would have happily paid to get that gift is usually less (or ever a LOT less) than the price paid by the giver. So giving cash is much more efficient as then the receiver gets 100% of the value. (Not even including the cost of time spent and travel costs invvolved in sourcing a suitable gift.)

[dantdmistedious]

You sound even more ungrateful with your explanation.

[crimsonlake]

It says it all when you said 'just' in your last post.

[junebirthdaygirl]

My dd takes huge care in getting thoughtful gifts. Her love language is giving gifts. Not expensive but just right and friends are always touched. But then she really struggles with receiving gifts as they are often far short of her own high standards. We have had words over it as l feel she should hide her disappointment but l find after the initial disappointment the presents are often used and appreciated. But she is looking for the perfect present.
But rudeness to your mil is a complete no! no!

[Sunnydaysrock]

That sounds like a really unfortunate situation op. I can totally understand your reaction and you obviously know you've upset mil. Possibly a less obvious response would have been better, but too late now and I know I've been guilty of expressing my first and overriding thoughts when possibly it's not the best thing to say. You're knackered. Don't beat yourself up. It was an unthoughtful present.

[TheOtherNNB]

I do get what you mean, OP

I too would’ve been irritated

But you do have to suck it up a bit and appear grateful, for courtesy’s sake

And then give to charity

[Urubu]

I am often disappointed by gifts, and are very bad at hiding it. I feel ashamed afterwards but I just can't seem to fake it.
DH luckily is not offended and now takes me with him to choose between a couple of items he shortlisted.

[Insomnibrat]

I feel really sorry for your MIL. Gift giving is usually about the intent behind the gift, whether the actual gift is bang on or not.
I bet she feels crushed, she must have imagined her new Granddaughter led happily whiling the hours away on her nice new playmat only to have the idea completely pissed on by you.
Its a bit sad really.

[GilligansKitchenIsland]

YANBU to be frustrated by loads of plastic children's tat cluttering up your house, but I think if that's the case you needed to make it very clear in advance that you weren't going to be accepting any gifts for this baby. If you didn't make that clear then YWBVU to react so ungraciously to the gift your MIL chose.

[Softkittywarmkitty123]

Grow up. Even kids can manage it.

[Herewegoagain2]

I know it’s sad and I feel dreadful about the whole thing. I obviously need to change the way I view gifts.

[Fruitcorner123]

I also feel sorry for the MIL who obviously just wanted to get something special for her grandchild. Your reaction was that of a spoilt child.

If you really dont want to keep it just tell her that you have already got one of these and would she mind if you exchanged it for something else you need. Sighing and saykng "oh god" is unreasonable.

From experience i would say that if someone asks you what you need your best bet is to think of something rather than saying nothing because if you say nothing they will try and choose something anyway. There's always something that you need even for a third baby.

[lilydaisyrose]

I'm like your DD junebirthdaygirl and was really upset this year when my birthday presents included (ANOTHER) massive body lotion and posh smelly candle (neither of which I'll ever use) and some baking crap. One of my friends thinks I like owls (I don't) so everything is always covered in owls. I really try hard to choose gifts with love and care and feel that my gifts are often grabbed off the Boots 3for2 post Christmas sale rail. Maybe I don't always get it right, but I really try.

I get you OP. We have a small living space and lots of children too.

[Floralnomad]

You do need to just say thank you and smile . Just out of interest what is so special about your current play mat , why not just throw that one out / give it away / sell it on whatever and let your new baby have something new rather than a hand me down .

[lilydaisyrose]

PS My FIL once turned up with a cuddly dog the size of a 4 year old for my then toddler. It's been in the shed since (many years ago). I must dig it out and take it to the charity shop!

[Herewegoagain2]

That’s the good thing, our local children’s hospice shop benefits greatly so it can be put to a good cause.