Disappointed in gifts, is it just me?

[Herewegoagain2]

I’ve just reacted openly about a gift that I didn’t like from MIL for our new baby (3rd due in 6weeks). Feeing dreadful for hurting her feelings but I’m just fed up of getting gifts I don’t actually like. Does anyone else feel disappointed when recieving a gift they really don’t like or need? I know I sound really ungrateful and I feel bad about that too, but I feel like it’s such a waste of money and always think about what I would have preferred or liked instead.
As a child I had these feelings too, to the point I would actually rather nothing than an unwanted gift. Sorry that sounds terrible but just how I feel and wondering if I’m the only one?

I don’t think you sound ungrateful, so often it seems people who buy gifts aren’t thinking about what the other person might like at all!

If she knew anything about you she would’ve known not to buy the gift she did. Why must we all smile and nod just to be polite when so many are so impolite in many other ways and that’s ok.

Nope not a shit, just an emotional wreck with hormones raging.
Some women get very emotional during a period and some don't!
We are all different and I don't judge them either way.. hormones can be very powerful especially when you get peri menopausal - think yourself lucky if you're one of the few that are not affected by hormones.
My pregnancies were a nightmare with emotions, but then again I did have close family deaths, dealt with a narcissistic mother, a housing disaster, husband that was upset over the pregnancy and learnt I had a genetic deformity with my first baby!
I have my hormones under control now but it's taken years after children to really get them stabilised.

I agree Penggwn, apologies are important definitely!

Sometimes reactions can be over exaggerated if there are deeper feelings going on, I think this post was about that. The giver of the present may have seen a big reaction but perhaps it was a precursor of making a few positive changes.

I was thinking you were BU until you told us what it was. Third time around you usually have the big stuff and have no room for more. Added to tiredness etc I can understand your reaction.

However I am guessing that MIL saw the all-singing-all-dancing playmat and thought it was so amazing you would change your mind.

Neither of you are in the wrong but it is always best to try to be polite - in the long run friendly relations are important with ILs.

When i was pregnant with (unexpected) no 3. I got the baby-related contents of my SIL's attic when she was moving house, and our neighbours child's bedroom when they emigrated. When both of them asked if i needed anything I had simply said that if they had any cot sheets and cellular blankets I'd be grateful. I got the LOT including two buggies and bin bags full of clothes. I had just cleared the living room of all SIL's stuff (it took a week of unpacking, sorting and visits ti charity shops) when the next lot arrived. I admit I sat down and sobbed!!

Even if you're hormonal/emotional you still have self control. You wouldn't behave terribly at work for example would you.

I think it's rude to say anything other than thank you for a gift.

Well, I'm on the side of the OP, and I'm a MIL and a grandparent.
It isn't difficult to say 'I would love to buy the new baby a present, is there anything you need or want?', and then going out and buying that. That is being thoughtful, not just going out and buying something that you think they might want. Especially when it's the 3rd child. Surely common sense dictates that they will already have a lot of baby things and toys. What on earth is the point of buying something without checking if it's needed first? Doesn't make sense to me.

Nope not a shit, just an emotional wreck with hormones raging

Hormones my arse. We've all got hormones, and we can still act like normal human beings. You keep your shit to yourself, don't use it as an excuse for bad behaviour.

I always accept gifts gracefully and if I really don't like them would pass them onto somebody else.
I can't think of anything for a baby I wouldn't like though, but I'm not the fussy type and easily pleased.

I think, in general, it's good for to be polite when you receive a gift.

HOWEVER there are times when gift-giving is used as a way of not listening to someone and can even be a kind of passive-aggression. I have a friend whose MIL buys her ridiculously inappropriate things - things that would only be liked or enjoyed by someone very much older like a tartan pull-along trolley, below-the-knee old lady skirts, that kind of thing. Eventually her DH had to raise this with the family, because it was upsetting to her constantly to get gifts that were for someone who was 50 years older than her late 20s self. I can also think of several cases where someone has used a gift as an excuse for plain nastiness. In such cases, gratitude isn't the right response.

Unexpectedly bursting into teaŕs isn't rude. Unless you're such a good actress that you can manufacture tears.

Interesting points about people like OP and myself and others who put thought into gift giving, but possibly don't always get it right. I will bear it in mind. Perhaps many of us put too much importance on presents.

Unexpectedly bursting into teaŕs isn't rude

Of course it is, if you let it be known that you are crying because you don't like the gift someone bought for you! If you can't stop yourself bawling in front of people, you at least have the decency to lie about why you are crying.

My Mum was expert at choosing tasteless presents. She once gave me a packet of large knickers (think Bridget Jones) for Christmas. My DD thought it was hilarious. They were not even my size! (Too big)

I can see where you're coming from with rather having nothing. My youngest sister's nan spoils her and my two youngest brothers rotten and then gets me, my middle sister and older brother absolute rubbish at Christmas. The worst year was when I was 18 and my middle sister was 15 and she got us each a make up kit suitable for four year olds that has the cheap, garish, plasticy stuff in, despite the fact I never wear makeup. I smiled, said thank you and gave it to charity.

Why not keep the new play mat mil bought you and take the old one to the hospice. Job done there’s no harm done. Your reaction was completely unfair and I do think you need to re-evaluate how you recieve gifts. My Auntie has bought the dc some horrible clothes I would never put them in I smile say thank you change them
If I can and or give them to charity it’s not worth hurting her feelings is it.

Why not keep the new play mat mil bought you and take the old one to the hospice

Because the existing one takes up less room as it can be folded down

The new one takes up too much space

The gift is never what is underneath the wrapping paper. The gift is the time, effort, thought and money that has gone into choosing it - trekking to town, trawling through shops, selecting just the right item, paying for it, wrapping it, buying a card, then posting it or bringing it to you.
What is under the wrapping paper is irrelevant. If it is something you like, or something you can live with, that is just a bonus.
My parents had taught me this lesson by the time I was 5 and I have taught my children the same.
When you accept a gift gracefully, you are giving a gift in return. You make the giftor feel warm inside, appreciated and loved.
Or you could just tell them that their present was crap and leave them feeling like a piece of shit.
S'up to you, I guess

But Hazrl you are assuming everybody puts thought and effort into gifts. However many people are the recipients of unwanted gifts, the cheapest of the three for two offers etc.

I'm 41 with no children and my SIL gave me a book of children's fairytales for Christmas. I still managed to smile and say thank you very much.

Gildleaf Assumung you aren’t interested in the illustrations, that it wasn’t a book you once treasured from your childhood etc, and that your SIL is of sound mind, I personally would have said that I had no use for such a book. Your SIL was taking the proverbial and I would not feign appreciation for it nor should anyone expect someone in your position to do so.

The gift is the time, effort, thought and money that has gone into choosing it

There was not thought, the money could've been used to buy something they didn't already have 2 of

She upset because there was no thought - the hiftnas you say is irrelevant

Intomyarms Yes you are right but sometimes it's easier to say nothing.It was more comical than upsetting, totally absurd.

Seriously what kind of a lesson are we teaching our kids - lying, insincerity, mocking? I disagree that OP sounds 'grabby'!

Let's change things for the next generation. Learn to respond positively but truthfully 'it's really kind of you to have thought of me/us but it's not to my taste'. You're not criticising or condemning the purchaser, there is just a mismatch in tastes.

Honesty always the best policy!

Learn to respond positively but truthfully 'it's really kind of you to have thought of me/us but it's not to my taste'.

You would seriously say this to someone??

How rude and unkind.