Disappointed in gifts, is it just me?

[Herewegoagain2]

I’ve just reacted openly about a gift that I didn’t like from MIL for our new baby (3rd due in 6weeks). Feeing dreadful for hurting her feelings but I’m just fed up of getting gifts I don’t actually like. Does anyone else feel disappointed when recieving a gift they really don’t like or need? I know I sound really ungrateful and I feel bad about that too, but I feel like it’s such a waste of money and always think about what I would have preferred or liked instead.
As a child I had these feelings too, to the point I would actually rather nothing than an unwanted gift. Sorry that sounds terrible but just how I feel and wondering if I’m the only one?

Thanks!

My daughter's boyfriend managed a very polite and straight faced thank you when my mum presented him with a Hello Kitty umbrella for Christmas.

Op I totally get you.
My in-laws drive me mad. They will ask what the kids would like, I tell them (usually pjs or something small but useful/needed) and they get something completely different! Why ask? When my daughter started to walk i was asked by sil what she would like for her 1st bday. I asked for a footless babygro. Just one. But I wanted her to stay warm while still being able to walk. She got 2 sets of ones with feet. I was grateful and they were worn but i was slightly disappointed.
Another year I was asked What I would like. I really wanted a potato ricer. I got another smelly set.
We say every year, please no smelly sets, we appreciate the gesture but we don't use them, we use soap. Every year we get enough to last about 3 bloody years. They eventually make their way to the school tombola.

I really feel for OP... especially considering her DH’s hoarding tendencies. I hate getting presents... not because I want better or nicer or more expensive things, I just don’t want things generally and to have to find house room for stuff that I don’t want with the added downside that I don’t even like it is frankly a chore (very little loft space😣). I have always smiled sweetly and been gracious (except once with my DM when I was in my early twenties when I asked if we could return the macrame cardie from a poshish high street store as I just couldn’t bear to wear it even once & it was not cheap and I was a student!!), even to the relly who is one of those people who buys loads of stuff through the year that takes their eye and then appears to randomly allocate the resulting items as gifts at Christmas... DH has been given bird boxes or wine for as many years as I can remember... he doesn’t even drink, and ain’t much into wildlife either!
I even used to find it hard to come up with ideas when people ask me for them but am getting better at asking for stuff I know they will like buying and are useful like consumables - perfume & nice make up - or decent kitchen or garden stuff.
However I do like giving presents and try hard to give presents that are thoughtful and try to follow the William Morris concept of everything must be either beautiful or useful and preferably both.

I think part of my problem is that I rail against the modern acquisitive trend, everyone seems to urged to want/need more all the time. Frankly I loathe those photos you get at Christmas of kids with their mighty haul of gifts... my DM calls it obscene and, when you consider how little so many people in the world and even in GB have through no fault of their own, I think she has a point. Clearly I was a Puritan in a former life!!

LJdorothy he sounds like a keeper! 😂😂😂

Sympathies OP, you were a bit rude but I know what it’s like getting unwanted gifts. It can be so hard to smile and look appreciative whilst inside you’re thinking WTF?! I manage it mostly because we don’t live near friends who give gifts or relatives so they don’t actually witness me opening them...

I have one friend who gives me stuff every year. I’ve asked her not to, said that we’re trying to cut back on giving gifts, don’t give her anything so no need to reciprocate but she’s always found ‘the perfect thing’ and gives it. And I thank her. And every year it goes to the charity shop because it’s nothing I would ever use
An ex-friend once told me how much she loved shopping for the perfect present for me. But she’d never taken on board that my tastes are totally different to hers and that I hated pink bejewelled toilet bags, which she gave me every year... How many toilet bags does one person need for a start?!

I hope I get it right when choosing presents. I usually ask for gift suggestions and play it safe.

I completely understand OP. My mother's friend used to buy me such terrible presents - 2 pairs of nylon thongs that were part of a bigger set a size too small, a toiletry set that came from god know's where I'd never seen anything so cheap (some bizarre unheard of name in pink and black, estimated cost £1) - she knew I had eczema (even a bottle of shampoo would have been handier), a Pirate of the Caribbean calendar for me when I was approaching 40 etc, a second hand book on cleaning your house with natural stuff like lemon and vinegar, cost 30p. It was almost passive aggressive shit for some reason.

She had four kids and almost 20 grandkids and my mother would give all grandkids a £5 and a token gift for the kids - box of Heroes or something. I couldn't bear years of this so told my mother to tell her not to buy me anything. Rude, yes, but I was so fed up with it after 20 years of this crap.

I'm not hard to buy for - £5 bottle of wine, a bar of soap, a small box of chocolates, even a plant would be better. I wasn't expecting anything spectacular but not the dross she did spend. And yes she did have the money as she used to spend about £100 on each child and grandchild for Xmas. I was also with her once when she was buying for her husband's neice's wedding and she got about £5 of plastic crap from the £1 shop. I asked her then "do you not like her or something".

I haven't had a present I've liked in 20 years apart from the odd bottle of wine or box of chocolates (all been like the stuff mentioned above). Barely had much as a kid. I think when you've not been treated or spoiled by anyone but do it for others it does hurt as you feel forever left out.

A friend gave me a crystal owl once - 1.5 inches high. Never expressed any interest in collectables, owls, ornaments, crystals so why? She got marzipan chocolates (Niederegger) as she'd expressed an interest and a Yankee candle as I knew she liked them. So everyone gets what they want and it feels sometimes you're getting palmed off with their unwanted presents. I tell everyone now let's not get anything or if we do keep it to consumables - let's exchange a bottle of wine. Even then they get a decent one and you get Liebraumilch.

Nighties with teddy bears on are another one. God save me from children's nightwear aimed at adults.

Actually I do get where you are coming from. My mother'n'law (who I have known for almost 20 years), knows a lot about me - and therefore I get quite upset when she buys me or the kids things that are really off the mark. I asked her what she wanted for Christmas last year and she asked for a digital camera. She bought me a supermarket dressing gown in size 12 (I'm a size 16-18) - buying me something she knows won't fit me is hurtful. It's family joke I'm terrible with plants...but she regularly buys me plants for my birthday or whatever - which then disappear from my house at a later date because she has secretly taken them to save them.

At one point after getting a particular crappy ‘present of a plastic whistle wrapped up in Christmas paper from a relative, which she had obviously got in a Christmas cracker the previous year, I decided to return the favour and get her similar stuff. So I spent my hard earned cash on rainbow colored tights, plastic key rings. cheap eye shadow and ‘gifted’ them. TBH while I initially got fun from thinking up the most random rubbish I could think of, i soon got very fed up and resentful of it and stopped giving anything. That must have been fifteen years ago and she still continues to give token gifts. I can’t fathom why except she must enjoy it or else want to get rid of things in her house but doesn’t want to bin them. For whatever her reason, she certainly doesn’t think of the recipient at all. It isn’t done in the act of kindness or generosity at all and I don’t believe the recipients should have to feign gratitude at all either.

Don’t be rude to her face! Be nice! Say in a quiet moment that you love how she thinks of you, but something practical might be better such as a ‘voucher’ for a babysitting night. Or help with pets. Or bring over a cooked dinner so you don’t have to bother one night. Help with garden?

I'm also with the OP. I hate all the crappy plastic tat my OHs relatives get for my kids and really really wish they would not bother. We never send thank you cards or anything but they don't seem to get the hint.

All this unwanted rubbish is wasting the earth's resources and contributing to climate change. Every time this happens all I can think is that people are destroying the future of these children and their children for the sake of giving them yet more crap they hardly play with that fills up our tiny house. Future generations will not think it kind or polite to not speak up when we are given unwanted gifts.

Think it. Don't say it.

Spoilt and unkind behaviour.

Could your disappointment be down to a perceived/actual lack of thoughtfulness on the behalf of the giver? For example, last Christmas my MIL bought me a wooden spoon (I kid you not), a jar from a charity shop (I know it gets better) and a pot of marmalade sugar. MIL likes making marmalade so she probably thought this was a thoughtful gift as it might give me the same pleasure in making marmalade that she gets. However, from my perspective, I’d rather pull my finger nails out so it was a crap present and it was returned to a charity shop for someone else to enjoy. It’s not that MIL was not being thoughtful, it’s more that the thought was more about what she enjoyed (and I might) than what she knew from experience I would enjoy. Despite this though I still showed appreciation and you should have too as it’s really very rude to do otherwise. Imagine if the shoe were on the other foot.

I am with you OP my husband's aunt buys me an ugly item of clothing every Christmas. It gets harder every year to pretend I like it! I failed the fake smile last year and said it wasn't to my taste. It did not go down well! However hopefully I won't get one this year!

I hear you OP. Close family members have bought me gifts in the past and I've honestly wished they'd not bothered at all (they were expensive and non-returnable) - and also felt a bit hurt that they don't really know me.

However, that's how I've felt, not what I've said - I've tried to always be polite and thank them etc.

Fwiw I'd feel the same about large loud plastic toys as you...

Hope you manage to patch things up

I sympathise too and totally understand but always try to look grateful and pleased.My partner probably gives me the most annoying gifts such as really cheap secondhand ornaments.I wouldn't feel so annoyed if he didn't constantly criticise me for the amount of crap I already have in this house.My sole 60th birthday from him was a grubby pottery duck which I have put outside in a planted trough-after first giving it a wash as it had ingrained dust all over it.I do love the chap-but not his presents.

My mother taught me "it's the thought that counts."

Be nice unless she was deliberately being cruel. Some people are obtuse to others feelings: your dh may have two women like that on his hands. ...?
MY mil has decided that she once again despises me so buys for every person except me...
Apologize, ask why she thought that was special?

Wow. Traumatised since childhood by people buying you gifts. Nightmare.

Koko, I think that not sending thank you cards probably reflects poorly on you; they may think that you are not teaching them good manners.

I gently steer my family towards gifts that I like. They want to give good gifts just as much as I want them. Lists are ok. I love a list from my family members. We make cheap to dream gift lists. It's still a surprise bc the entire list is never purchased.

I buy my family One thoughtful gift now that they are all adults. They choose most but I like to prove to them and myself that I can still choose a "wow" gift for them.

Isn’t part of the reaction to a poor gift partly from a place that is disappointed people you spend time with and talk to don’t ‘know you’ or listen well enough/pay you enough attention to get something you’d like? Of course the thought counts and a gift should always be welcome but often there’s a part of someone forcing their tastes on you —thinking of my grandmother who didn’t ever like how my DSis and I dressed as teenagers so continuously bought us clothes in styles we’d never want to wear in sizes either too big or small!

I always have to laugh at people being affronted at gifts which suggest the giver doesn't "really know" them.
What in earth are you being given to cause such consternation?!

What in earth are you being given to cause such consternation?!

Well, in my DH's case, several things that I had actually said I hated!

Oh well, that sounds like he's doing it deliberately to annoy you allegretto. Most gift givers aren't.

Koko, I think that not sending thank you cards probably reflects poorly on you; they may think that you are not teaching them good manners.

No, the idea is if you don't send thank you cards, you won't get any more presents, though that doesn't semm to have worked in koka's case.