Disappointed in gifts, is it just me?

[Herewegoagain2]

I’ve just reacted openly about a gift that I didn’t like from MIL for our new baby (3rd due in 6weeks). Feeing dreadful for hurting her feelings but I’m just fed up of getting gifts I don’t actually like. Does anyone else feel disappointed when recieving a gift they really don’t like or need? I know I sound really ungrateful and I feel bad about that too, but I feel like it’s such a waste of money and always think about what I would have preferred or liked instead.
As a child I had these feelings too, to the point I would actually rather nothing than an unwanted gift. Sorry that sounds terrible but just how I feel and wondering if I’m the only one?

Frilly Oh FFS what a ridiculous gift. So the pony is going to be at least 4 years older before your DC can enjoy it... what happens to it in the meantime. It sits around a paddock cooling it's heels and forgetting how to be a child's pony?

That is a really ^insane* gift.

The OP says her mil knew they were trying to scale down he amount of stuff they have and yet she has still bought them something they already have. Op, this would annoy me immensely. When dd was born, despite me saying in advance I would be dressing her in baby grows and pastel colours/white only, my in laws bought her a bright red and black patterned top with jeans. She never wore it and all it did was show me they didn’t care about my opinions on my own children. If they’d asked me I could have found a lovely fancy babygrow for dd for the same price that we would have loved.

I get it op

I hate the thought that money is wasted on something I don’t want or want or will never use

I pretend to be grateful but then my enthusiasm leads to more crap as mil thought I loved it 🙄

She bought me anti ageing cream for Christmas when I was pregnant with ds & really sick 😳

I am a bit like you OP, I get very irritated by thoughtless presents. i think it stems from childhood - my mum is famous for her shit present giving, she always buys things she wants or thinks you should like (e.g. Would buy you an item of clothing you said you specifically didn't like and then say well I'll have it then 🙄 - once did a big present reveal for my brother when he was about 10 and it was a new bed frame - not exactly what a kid would be anticipating as a birthday gift). As a consequence I always try to buy thoughtful presents and get disproportionately shitty/disappointed with crap ones. I don't normally give it away to outsiders, but DH and I have had some humdinger arguments over shitty thoughtless presents he has got me. Once he got me a calendar of New York because "I like New York" 🤔 Transpired the calendar shop was the only shop within walking distance of his work and he'd forgotten to get anything. Money is not an issue so IMO it gives away a lack of care.

In your situation I probably would have nailed on a grin and then chucked it ASAP but I do sympathise.

Actually i tend to find gifts a little pointless now (unless random ones from friends) unless it's something I want, otherwise it might be wasted clutter and money.

I have 2 relatives to buy xmas presents for and I've clarified with them exactly what they want as I want it to be helpful.

You need to apologise. Most of us would just keep quiet and smile and thank the person.

I just sent some of my adult children money for a birthday because of this issue -they prefer it. Yes it's dull but at least we are not wasting loads of money on stuff they don't want and they genuinely want just money. They also know my aim is to empty my house so the last thing I want ever is any presents so that's all very easy.

OP. you need to go on one of the Marie Kondo/Konmarie facebook pages. They love getting rid of stuff that doesn't 'spark joy' in their houses. I say 'they' I've done a lot of what she suggests.

Your mil obviously wasn't listening/didn't believe that you could actually want to downsize the plastic tat. On the other hand maybe she thinks you could get rid of the old play gym and use hers. If you do this you'd both be happy - one thing in, one thing out!

Lighthearted.
I have just remembered something from my childhood. My DM had drummed it into my dsis and me that we were to say thank you for gifts and not "I've got one of these!"
My dsis aged about 6 received a book she'd already got. Her response was "Oh thank you, it doesn't matter a BIT that I've already got one!"

Everyone has received gifts they don’t like and everyone has thought ‘i I wish they hadn’t bothered’. However everyone keeps these feeling to themselves because to do otherwise is incredibly rude.
It is extremely spoilt and ungrateful to telll a gift giver you don’t like their g

Initially I thought you sounded a bit of a bitch but I can understand to an extent. General gifts I think people are always being kind and generally have tried to be thoughtful and I'd never do anything other than try and be as appreciative as possible, faking it if necessary.

But with the kids it can be different. They have so much stuff as it is and containing it and keeping a grip on it is so hard without more stuff constabtly funneling into the house from gifts. Dsis always gets DC impromptu cheap toys and while it is thoughtful and she is being kind I hate working out what to do with it all. Last Christmas DM bought my son so many presents. It was ridiculous, he was only 18m and her living room was full. At least 20+ things to unwrap. Some were cool but a lot were just little plasticky bits that he liked for awhile but then just cluttered the house. I feel irrationally guilty giving away gifts so decluttering was stressful too. I did at a later date say not to go so overboard this year but I have another DC now so who knows

I’d be fairly pissed off that after 3 children with her son, my MIL was so dis-interested in me that she thought I would like a noisy plastic toy. It’s a stupid thing to buy for a new baby who will get plenty of hand-me-down plastic crap from their older siblings. It’s an especially stupid thing to buy for a baby who isn’t even born yet. What’s wrong with a babygrow or a teddy?

It isn’t grabby to actually want nothing. Obviously it’s rude not to fake gratitude for shit presents, but to wish they hadn’t bothered isn’t rude. My mum used to buy me random crap for Christmas, and in the end I asked her to give the money to her favourite charity instead. I was donating the stuff she bought me to a charity shop anyway, so it was pointless. She’s much happier too as she doesn’t have to bother going to the shops.

Posting in sympathy, it sounds as though you were overwhelmed with everything and you didn't have the mental energy to suck it up. Just practice giving a smile, saying thank you and find something (if you can) about it that you love.
Then it can either be a replacement or donated quietly. Or even better, kept at MIL until the baby is able to use it. (That finally stopped my parents buying excessive toys, as they realised just how much stuff they were buying).
I just smile and nod and return the ones I can or donate/regift those I can't. (I always give a gift receipt as well as I have no problems with others doing the same). But I'm not that sentimental about stuff and would rather someone who would love it has it.

*gift.
We all have moments of unguarded behaviour especially if tired though so apologise if you hurt your MIL and then let it go

Actually I think it’s a great opportunity for a kind and honest conversation that can only do good. It was incredibly rude but we all make huge gaffs sometimes. What matters is how we then deal with that.
Go and see her. Take her some flowers and apologise sincerely and without any “buts”. Then explain how you felt and why you reacted as you did. Truthfully. You might end up closer, with better support and a more supportive relationship.

I think it's actually the type of gift that is rude to buy without asking. Maybe you could have handled it better but if we weren't firm with MIL we would not be able to move in our house for random shit she decided we needed. It would have been better to say 'that's really kind, unfortunately I don't have space, maybe we can keep it at your house and use it when we visit'.

So call her, talk to her but all this shit about 'grabby'.... It would be much grabbier to take it then shove it on eBay I think.

Sometimes people whose love language is gifts feel very upset when given a (seemingly) thoughtless gift. So maybe OP's love language is gifts.

I think it's a tough one.

Obviously being rude is not good. But acting like something is lovely then getting rid at first opportunity could also be deemed rude. What happens when the guests visit and the thing they bought isn't there?

We (DH & I) live in a small 2 bed flat with one DC and one on the way, there's hardly space for things we need, there's no space for things we'd love to have, let alone things that other people buy us.

Everyone knows our living situation.

Yet people buy us things like garden toys - we don't have a garden? Not even a communal one. Sand and water table, swingball but the football version. It's difficult to be thankful and appreciative of something that is so ill thought out.

A family member told us they've ordered Ds a bookcase.. Where am I gonna put it? So at that point I did say ooh actually we don't really have space and they cancelled the order. That was probably deemed rude but where do I put a bookcase that we don't want or need (Ds has a kallax and uses some of those pockets for books) in a tiny flat?

On DS's first birthday we were presented with a giant teddy bear, about 8ft tall & 3ft wide, again by people who know we have no space.

We don't have a loft or garage or anywhere to store things.

It's such a waste of their money. Especially when Ds would be so much happier and actually get use from a cheap £1 book, car from pound shop, and that wouldn't fill up our flat.

When space is at a premium I get frustrated that other people are choosing the stuff to fill up our flat. Yet we can't have things we'd really like to have.
And when you have so little space the stuff you do have you want to love, not have to have because someone else bought it.

So I can see where you're coming from op. I'm not really sure of the answer. I don't want to be rude but I also don't want the stuff and want family members to save their money instead of buying massive stuff that I then need to get rid of..... but only when enough time has passed that I can get away with saying he's grown out of it, it broke, he doesn't play with it etc.

Well, it obviously wasn't an ideal reaction, but perhaps mil will put more thought into gifts in future?.

Well you have no idea as to whether a lot of thought was put in or not.

The OP sounds as if nothing is good enough tbh.

It's not that you're ungrateful, just that you're very rude. My young dcs have had it drummed into them that no matter what gift they get to never react and to always be very gracious in saying thank you. One of them doesn't like chocolate and by the age of 5 had learned to graciously accept chocolate gifts like a total trooper. I am guessing if she can do it, then so can you. There really is no excuse.

I sighed and said ‘oh god’ when she arrived, she cried, I cried apologised and tried to explain my reaction.

Well maybe think before you speak next time.

Making someone cry isn't a good look.

It just got me into thinking about all this gift giving and unwanted things for the sake of them and how I’d just rather not have gifts.

Be careful what you wish for. If you react like that however it won't only be you that gets no presents but your DC too. I mean why would someone want to buy something to get it thrown back in their face.

My mother in law brought be Ferraro rocher on the birth of my 1St child. It is dhs favourite chocolate and I am 99.9 % sure she knew I don't like nuts. I just said thank you and looked appreciative but I probably felt just like you op.

Yes you could of reacted differently but I don't understand why you're getting a hard time. Gifts are sometimes hard to chose and money for some people is tight if I had chosen the wrong gift for someone I'd much prefer that person to tell me so I can get something different. I wouldn't be to happy if it was something expensive and it just ended up in a charity shop just because they didn't want to be honest.

Most gifts I receive are things I don't want/like, I just grin, say thank you and eBay it and don't use it. I have taught my kids to d the same (they are pretty good at it).

I didn't not understand why people buy a big gift without asking first though, something like a big play mat could be something you already have. It's much easier if people ask with babie things.

My mother in law brought be Ferraro rocher on the birth of my 1St child. It is dhs favourite chocolate and I am 99.9 % sure she knew I don't like nuts. I just said thank you and looked appreciative but I probably felt just like you op.

It isn't really the same thing. It was a box of chocolates whereas the op was bought something that she doesn't have room for. The solution in your case was simple, DH eats them this one less so.

Gifts are sometimes hard to chose and money for some people is tight if I had chosen the wrong gift for someone I'd much prefer that person to tell me so I can get something different. I wouldn't be to happy if it was something expensive and it just ended up in a charity shop just because they didn't want to be honest.

Yeah me too. In fact if I'm not sure then I enclose the receipt.