Disappointed in gifts, is it just me?

[Herewegoagain2]

I’ve just reacted openly about a gift that I didn’t like from MIL for our new baby (3rd due in 6weeks). Feeing dreadful for hurting her feelings but I’m just fed up of getting gifts I don’t actually like. Does anyone else feel disappointed when recieving a gift they really don’t like or need? I know I sound really ungrateful and I feel bad about that too, but I feel like it’s such a waste of money and always think about what I would have preferred or liked instead.
As a child I had these feelings too, to the point I would actually rather nothing than an unwanted gift. Sorry that sounds terrible but just how I feel and wondering if I’m the only one?

If its a playmat then surely it will fold up smaller? I bet your little one will love it! I would get the mat out, put baby in it and have the other two children play with your little one. Take a photo, send it and thank your mil profusely and tell her little one loves it! Apologise again and say you don't know what has come over you, you think it might be a bit of baby blues.

Your mil sounds lovely and really, if your playmat has seen two babies already then I think it was kind of your mil to notice and buy something lovely for her grandchild! (If its too noisy either remove batteries or switch off)

Its rare to find kind Mil's (I'm no contact with mine) and life is too short to fall out, especially if you usually get on well! Hugs as you do sound quite low xx

Have you thought about why she buys the large gifts? Do you involve her much on a day to day level? Make sure she knows you value her time more than stuff. Invite her for coffee and get her talking about when she was a new mum or whatever.

My MIL once handed me my Xmas present saying 'I had to take my original choice back as (my DH) said you don't want things for the kitchen', flashing me a v disapproving look
Yep,Merry Christmas!
Was true though- don't buy me anything for the kitchen. Ever.

You're not alone OP, despite the self righteousness aimed your way. Even now I'm thinking of the pointlessness of the xmas presents I know I'll get from wider family and I really need to suggest they don't bother.

Your reaction did make me laugh. She'll be more careful in future,I bet,and you do have pregnancy as an excuse.

You have to hide it but I understand your frustration. I've been like that since being a child too. My SIL gives me unwanted gifts that have been given to her by patients. i find it insulting tbh as they are random things I'd never buy and things she has never seen me wear or admire e.g a white handbag. It is all i can do to make myself not return her rubbish in a similar fashion. Another relative gave me a packet of jelliy sweets that she bought at the tube station when I had my first child. FFS how 'grateful' does one have to pretend to be.

Yes, I totally understand we get a lot of stuff like that from non-child owning relatives, people who know we are trying to keep our house clutter free as it’s for sale who buy us large bulky plastic shit or just cheap shit that breaks. I’m polite, thank them profusely and then send it on the next charity shop run.

I do though plan to return the favour when they eventually have children by buying large bulky badly made noisy plastic crap for their kids.

Just accept the gift in good grace and don't be rude about it. It's not hard.

Well, it obviously wasn't an ideal reaction, but perhaps mil will put more thought into gifts in future?

Yes, I totally understand we get a lot of stuff like that from non-child owning relatives

Are you kidding me?

That is so rude.

I can understand. I wouldn’t say anything though. Growing up presents were always crap. I can’t recall ever getting anything I actually wanted. To this day my mum will buy the thing you don’t want. Eg last year I pointed her towards something I needed from a website. She bought a completely different item from the same website.

Jesus.

People are only trying to be nice. If you don't like the gifts send them to a charity shop. Don't be so nasty about it.

At the end of the day people are just making a gesture and they have paid money to do that. Can't you be a bit more classy in your response ?

Feeling unwell and having two kids is not an excuse for being a rude, entitled brat.

A gift is something chosen and given voluntarily by the giver...only the most poorly mannered, unpleasant piece of work has a go at someone because they don’t like what they’ve been given. Grow up, OP.

And the halo polishers can fuck off too.

Agatha

I love you !

You messed up but you cried and apologized. I honestly wouldn't worry about it too much. Buy your MIL a wee bunch of flowers and write a note saying you were sorry (don't include ANY excuses or explanations... )

Then forget about it.(but don't do it again ) Hopefully your MIL will be gracious about it too. Most people are accepting of a genuine apology.

Good luck with your new baby

And then remember your manners!

“now it’s sad and I feel dreadful about the whole thing. I obviously need to change the way I view gifts”.

You might want to change your level of entitlement too. What an unkind and ungracious reaction to something well meant. Pisspoor behaviour OP regardless of tiredness etc. I’m not surprised you feel dreadful; though too little too late

At the end of the day people are just making a gesture and they have paid money to do that. Can't you be a bit more classy in your response ?

Yep. Some ungrateful people on this thread.

Of course every gift may not be exactly and precisely what you would have chosen. That's called 'shit you buy yourself'.

Appreciate the gesture, fgs.

It depends on how much thought has gone into it. If theyve just bought something for the sake of having something to give then yes it annoys me. If they think about it but just miss the mark then I appreciate that thought and then dispose of the gift discreetly.

Are you familiar with love languages? I bet yours is acts of service. Please google it, it will make so much sense.

Ok Ive now rtft and you really need to read the 5 love languages.

Listen to what op is saying!!
She is not ungrateful at all.
She just hates accumulating pointless tatt.

I completely get it.

If you've told people you don't want more crap and they insist on inflicting crap on you, it's not that unreasonable to be visibly less than thrilled. Why are the giver's feelings more important than yours?

OP is heavily pregnant, has been unwell and has two other children to look after. Women have come on here after shouting at their partners to be met with “don’t worry, you’re pregnant, he should cut you some slack”. OP comes on after sighing about a playmat and people are jumping at her calling her rude and spoilt.

I did the same thing last week after MIL bought my daughter yet another toy that shits glitter everywhere.

Er, what.

“Sighing about a gift”? She’s acknowledged hurting her MIL’s feelings.

And yes, in this instance MIL’s feelings do matter more because they are in danger of getting hurt while the OP just risks feeling irritated.

Oh, but she’s pregnant with two kids, so that’s alright then. FFS

She's being rude and needs to give her head a wobble.

And they both had a cry and OP apologised. And the MIL is an adult and sometimes gifts aren’t received in the way that they are hoped to be.

Before I had kids I gave my nephew some big toy garage type thing for his birthday and the reaction I got from SIL was inappropriately negative, due to size of it etc. My other SIL has complained to me about gifts sent by my parents to her child (oh god not another beanie boo etc, too much stuff, nowhere to put it??) that cost my parents 80 quid to send alone as my brother and her live abroad. I bit my tongue both times. It is so rude and so inappropriate a response. However I hate receiving gifts myself whether I like them or not (but I never would show a negative reaction and I would be thankful). Maybe someone on here with some form of psychological analysis could explain it. I too would rather not receive them.