Disappointed in gifts, is it just me?

[Herewegoagain2]

I’ve just reacted openly about a gift that I didn’t like from MIL for our new baby (3rd due in 6weeks). Feeing dreadful for hurting her feelings but I’m just fed up of getting gifts I don’t actually like. Does anyone else feel disappointed when recieving a gift they really don’t like or need? I know I sound really ungrateful and I feel bad about that too, but I feel like it’s such a waste of money and always think about what I would have preferred or liked instead.
As a child I had these feelings too, to the point I would actually rather nothing than an unwanted gift. Sorry that sounds terrible but just how I feel and wondering if I’m the only one?

Enceladus I feel the same way about receiving gifts. My issue is when it’s presented in such a way that all eyes are on me and all I can think is “What if I don’t like it?” “What if they can tell?” “I hope I hide it well!” Despite my previous posts in sticking up for the OP I always thank the giver and say “I really like it/love it!”

See I really don't understand this at all. If you prefer not to be given presents at all then make it clear beforehand. Tell people not to buy gifts and make it clear you mean it.

What sort of relationship do you have with your MIL? Maybe explain that if she really wants to give you something to celebrate the birth of your child that you would love...... (Say what you would like including any specific help you might like or things you might actually need)

However, I find that I can easily hide being disappointed in a gift because I really don't want to upset the person who was just (usually ( trying to do something nice for me. Also I am a pretty bad present buyer and can never think what to get so I sympathize with the giver

@Herewegoagain2 it’s not really about the gifts is it? I’d say it’s currently more about your possible anxiety about having another baby in a small house and tat everywhere?

Perhaps you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and her large noisy gift was a wake up call to all the craziness that will come with 3 kids?

It’s lovely that she gave a gift, the fact she cried means she probably put a lot of thought into it and was upset by your very obvious disappointment.

Is there something else that you’d really like for the baby?

I would not expect that behaviour from my children (and never ever have) so I certainly wouldn't expect it from an adult.
Of course you don't have to like everything you receive but it is beyond the pale to actually show that to the giver. How hurtful.
I'd definitely work on that aspect of yourself OP.

I had a MIL who was very difficult to buy gifts for. Nothing ever really suited no matter what anyone did, even though the whole family really did try.

She always had very high expectations around Christmas and birthdays, though would have denied that. She showed disappointment and could get stroppy with it too. It could be very upsetting because you knew that you weren't appreciated and could never have got it right. It made giving gifts a very fraught process.

Don't be like that, OP. I think you must have got the message now, but really!! Adjust your reactions and THINK before opening your mouth.

Think too what sort of an example you want to set to your children. What would you think if one of them openly reacted to a gift giver the way you did? I bet you would be mortified, as would any reasonable parent if their child behaved so disgracefully. So watch what example you are setting to them.

@topseyt that is my mother EXACTLY! Right down to the denial that she does it. No present is ever good enough, she's complained at Christmas , passive aggressive comments about the children having so much while she has one (plane tickets btw) etc.
Very draining and hurtful.

Surely the correct response is "Oh that's lovely Mil how very thoughtful but we do have 2 of these do you think we could exchange it for X?"
Then you don't have the plastic tat in your house hopefully you get something the baby needs AND Mill feels happy that her thoughtfulness of the gift was acknowledged.

Oh op that's really mean. And I'm heavily pregnant with a toddler so know what it's like.

The gift was thoughtful and wasn't for you, it was for the baby. Can't you get rid of your old one instead? It's not like babies need to use playmats for long.

Then again, in those love languages thing I am very much a gifting person so may be more like your mil.

While I can understand your reaction to more space sucking plastic tat - your MIL was obviously hurt by your knee jerk reaction
Perhaps a more tactful approach would be to react happily and then say a day or so later “you know we’ve had it a few days and realize we just don’t have the space and we don’t want it to be a waste amd not use it would u mind if we swapped it for xyz!” She may still be stung but it’s a bit less hurtful whilst also relieving you of stuff you don’t want or need and the feeling of wasting money !

Herewegoagain2
I know I am being ungrateful and I would like to work on why I feel like this when receiving gifts. Maybe I am just one big selfish grabby person ?!?

Yes it seems you are. Most people, by the time they reach adulthood, have learned how to express gratitude for a gift, even if the gift is not to their liking. There is absolutely no excuse for hurting a gift giver's feelings.

If I were your MIL you would be receiving no more gifts from me.

I sympathise with OP. I have had many unwanted gifts from PILs over the years (as have the Dcs and DP). It is best just to say thank you, because they've obviously gone to a lot of trouble. I have talked to DP about this - I'm in the school of asking people what they would like. He and his family prefer to give surprises, even tho he knows that doesn't go well.
I can recommend reading Martin Lewis on Christmas presents!

If it's new, can you sell it or if there is a receipt, get a voucher?

The thing is, people don't have to buy you gifts. They do it because they are being nice, love you and think they are doing a good thing. If someone basically chucks it back in your face and tells you they hate it, that is quite hurtful and rude. It's different if you have asked for a specific thing and someone ignores that and buys you something else.

Apologise to the MIL, say you have concerns about space and see if she has the receipt so you could get a voucher from the shop instead.

I agree with you OP, we have three small children and the house is overflowing with plastic! So much goes to the charity shop, it seems such a waste. My MIL is a bit like this, usually with ‘bargain’ clothes, which we don’t really need. I wish she would just ask what we need for the children, it seems such a waste for her to spend money on things we don’t need. We have two birthdays and Christmas coming up, I am dreading it!

I can't believe you were that rude! You need to send your MIL some flowers because you were incredibly hurtful.

How rude of you.I find it rather pathetic that a grown woman cannot graciously accept a gift,even if you dislike it one has to consider that someone has taken time to purchase the present.

I'm sincerely glad my parents never tolerated ingratitude and I was brought up to appreciate things.Had I been your MIL you would have had short shrift from me.Pathetic.

My cousin who is older than me used to buy me "tat". She's a bit older than me but her taste is stuck in a time warp. I used to accept her gifts with good grace and keep them in a cupboard for a few months before taking it to the charity shop.

My husband's best friend also buys things for DH which are on the tacky side. DH told his friend that he prefers food gifts so we no longer have to store "stuff" he's bought. I loathe nick nacks, I want them gone, but DH is more receptive. Anyway, most unwanted tat from is friend seems to be expensive tat so again, DH keeps it for a while, then sells it on eBay.

I remember being underwhelmed by a gift when I was about 8 I think, my aunt had bought me some very expensive matching luggage and I didn’t react at all. What a roasting I got from my aunt and uncle, grannie and parents for being an ungrateful brat!

That’s always stuck with me, when you’re given a gift it’s not about you, it’s about the thought and effort someone else has put into getting something for you. So whether you like it or not you smile and say thank you graciously. Then if you hate it, give it to charity or someone who will appreciate it. But it’s never, ever ok to openly show disdain or ingratitude.

My MIL used to be a nightmare with "gifts". Every time she visited it would be with a gift we needed.

One day I looked around our then flat and realised I was 24 and had started a home with my first serious boyfriend and it should've been magical. Instead, I hadn't picked one kitchen item, one Christmas decoration, one set of bed linen. All given as gifts. Even most of my clothes.

Whilst on the face it looked loving and generous it was actually a form of control, to keep our lives the way she wanted them.

I reacted badly to a few presents (one, an enourmous house plant that would've dominated 1/3 of the sitting room) and over (many) years she's backed off. It's a huge relief.

So I can totally see why people react badly.

Posting in support as you are getting a really hard time here - I do get where you are coming from OP, I cried when PIL presented us with a giant (for our living room) TV as a wedding gift as DH to be had always wanted one - it was over large, intrusive, flat screen and I was terrified that small DCs would pull it over on top of them - it was very kind of them but it is not what we would have chosen together (DH would have picked it without thinking of practicalities)

I am another person who would much rather have no gift than something I don't like - I hate the thought of ppl on very small budgets wasting money on something I will just donate as soon as I can and would rather ditch gift exchanges so everyone can spend their budget on what they actually need for themselves

There is also stash of unsuitable brand new gifts sitting waiting for this years shoebox appeal as they are nice enough but not what DCs would get any use out of or enjoyment from

Grow up, put a smile on your face like everyone else does and say thank you. It's not complicated.

I'm a MIL. I've always tried to find out what the grandchildren need/want before I buy gifts for them, especially more expensive items. Perhaps I'm fortunate/unusual/odd, but DDIL and I get on fine.

I learnt from my mother to show appreciation only if she approves of the person. She didn’t like her in laws. She has always expected me to massively approve of her so all gifts or second had things passed onto me that I didn’t want.

I have learnt to be grateful for all gifts. I don’t get many, a bit from brother and dh/dd. Nothing from fil or my sibling. I am now NC with him but that is recent. He never bothered about me being very much his mother’s son.

Do be grateful for what you have. I hope your mil is caring and kind. I would love to have one of those. Especially as I don’t have a mother like this either.

It could be worse OP - my MiL bought my (3.5week old) baby a pony. And it's all well and good at the moment as the pony is in her yard, but it's only a matter of time before it gets brought up to my yard, and then it's another horse to muck out, feed and look after.

I wouldn't mind but it will literally be years before my baby will be able to enjoy or appreciate pony, I wish she had bought a cheap plastic baby gym instead! I can't send a Shetland to the fucking hospice. 🙄

If you have two old ones then charity shop or sell them not the nice shiny new one.

Your baby can enjoy one bought only for them rather than the handmedowns in this case... there can be an advantage to having too many!

Topseyone of my aunts used to behave badly over gifts. i recall one Christmas where she locked herself in the bathroom crying over a gift we had bought her. I can't recall what it was... but recall i was in my 20s at the time so she was at least 55. I refuse to have much to do with ehr now..... not because of that, but because that sort of encapsulated how she behaves generally.

Unless you have some form of mental disorder where you cannot control the words you utter, then you deliberately chose to say oh god when you opened the gift.

In your op you say you’ve been behaving this way since you were a child. You then try to excuse your behavuour by saying about your health and pregnancy.

You can control what you say, you deliberately chose to say that and not thank you. Please stop acting like you just can’t help yourself.