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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not pay towards university?

243 replies

Gaggleofgirls · 20/10/2017 15:54

Just had a very odd conversation with my mum who thinks I'm being very unreasonable to not pay towards my children's university?
Happy to be told either way so I'd love to hear anyone's take and whether you went or not yourself.

I have 3DDs, none of whom are near that age yet anyway. However I have said we will be prepared to match their savings when it comes to wedding/deposit (their choice) but for university I would expect them to cover any shortfall with work so they have the responsibility.

For background, I went to university and worked also in this way.
Mum has said that because I chose to work (I wasn't aware there was ever any alternative and I didn't want to starve!) then I essentially missed out on the university 'experience'. I don't really see uni as a necessary unless of course your chosen profession dictates it, all of my family have been to uni and not one of us has used the degree we went for.

OP posts:

Original poster

Gaggleofgirls · 20/10/2017 18:09

Yes an engineer and teacher. Yes I do have a degree but i trained whilst working as one with others that had not been to university first.

It is all hypothetical anyway I just wanted to hear views after a discussion with my mum.

I meant funded as opposed to fully funded.
No if we'd had boys it would be the same

OP posts:

Papafran · 20/10/2017 18:09

OP, when did you graduate?

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 20/10/2017 18:09

Not allowing students to work discriminates against the poorer students.

Even if the commitment of paid work would place them at a disadvantage in their academic studies?

Even if the college provides financial support?

Original poster

Gaggleofgirls · 20/10/2017 18:09

I'm not concerned about huge debts, others seem to be.
My point was the exact opposite.

OP posts:

Aureservoir · 20/10/2017 18:10

^^Biker47: quite. At precisely the moment when they are supposed to become independent adults, students become a massive financial burden on their parents. 93% of these parents will not have been paying school fees, yet are suddenly expected to start paying for their adult children's education. Ridiculous all round.

I could bang on about this forever, so will not (for the sake of everyone's sanity). The short version is: halve the number of teenagers going to university. Make universities academically rigorous again. Restore polytechnics, and turn them into a viable alternative for teenagers who aren't "academic". Enable businesses to offer training and employment to teenagers who want to get started and don't want to spend three years studying something they're not that interested in. Shut down institutions which are selling crap to teenagers at inflated prices. Restore student grants (or grant for some kind of further training, for those who want a more hands-on qualification).

Rant over.

Bluntness100 · 20/10/2017 18:11

Op. You’ve never met a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer? You don’t understand anything about the world out with your own social circle, where non vocational degrees are used to start careers, business, economics, marketing, english, science, you are unaware of scientists of bankers of architects, journalists, Simply if your circle didn’t use them then you will write your children off as the same?

Ta1kinPeece · 20/10/2017 18:15

aureservoir
At precisely the moment when they are supposed to become independent adults, students become a massive financial burden on their parents. 93% of these parents will not have been paying school fees, yet are suddenly expected to start paying for their adult children's education.
TBH I did the maths for DD (State comprehensives all the way, no money on tutoring ever)

no more bus fares
no more college lunches
no more petrol to drive her everywhere
no more faddy food in the fridge
no more pocket money

I worked out what it cost me to have her living at home, added 15% and gave her that money. She seems happy with the outcome.

BUT
I totally agree with you about cutting University numbers.

crwox · 20/10/2017 18:17

I don't think university is the be all and end all.
I save for my child with the intention of letting her decide what she wants to use it for be that uni, driving lessons, deposit, travelling, savings, wedding etc.
Right now she is 7, and could turn out to not be academic in the slightest so having a specific 'university fund' is unnecessary.

Original poster

Gaggleofgirls · 20/10/2017 18:18

I think you've taken this to mean I won't support them to go to university.
What I have said is I do not intend to financially support them.

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 20/10/2017 18:18

Engineering and teaching are non-graduate professions?

And I'm assuming you're not going to tell us how much tuition fees were when you were at university? But you don't need to, as they were only increased to £9000 in 2012 so you must have paid £3000 a year. So your bill of "huge tuition fees" isn't really that huge compared with what your children will end up with.

SureIusedtobetaller · 20/10/2017 18:21

Mine get minimum loan. It doesn't even cover the hall fees. By quite a chunk. So if we didn't pay they couldn't go. It would be hard to earn a extra 1-2 k for rent and then enough to live as well. I do feel the loan should cover rent so that they at least have a roof paid for if parents can't/won't contribute.

missiondecision · 20/10/2017 18:22

I think it depends on the definition of uni “experience”. I certainly won’t be paying for my dc to have a piss up and spend hard earned money on expensive coffee.

Mrskeats · 20/10/2017 18:23

I am saying that engineering and teaching ARE graduate professions.
I teach and I have post-grad qualifications as do many these days.
I feel v sorry for the op's children.

Clawdy · 20/10/2017 18:24

Two of our children went to uni, and we funded them as much as we could. I really wanted them to have a wonderful three years living away from home, which is something DH and I never got to do. DD in particular worked really hard at her degree, and would have struggled with a job as well. Everyone is different though, I guess.

mumeeee · 20/10/2017 18:24

Sorry YABU. It's not always easy to work while at university. We always said we would support our DDs through university if they wanted to go. We paid all their rent in the first year and most of it in the 2nd ans 3rd years. They paid for all other living costs from their loan

Allthewaves · 20/10/2017 18:25

If can afford it i will help my kids but i'm not saving for uni as tbh we are barely going to cover our retirement. We have a small nest egg for each for it will be used for driving lessons first

sonjadog · 20/10/2017 18:27

I suggest that as university is not in their immediate future, you rather just save an appropriate sum of money for them and not ear-mark it for anything. It might be when they reach university age that they decide not to go, or the job market might be such that getting a part time job is not a viable option and they will really need your help to achieve the career they want. Just save and leave the decisions on what it is spent on for later.

Bubblebubblepop · 20/10/2017 18:27

If the college help fund middle to lower earning families then it's a moot point isn't it?

If they don't help, but a poorer student would be disadvantaged by working (how else would they support themselves, pay oxfords much higher than average halls rents etc?) then doesn't that all layer into a big ball of elitism, which oxbridge are indeed coming under pressure for today, coincidentally.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 20/10/2017 18:30

Engineering and teaching are both graduate professions.

I went to Cambridge but had to get a term-time job to support myself as my parents didn't contribute anything - I've been financially independent of them since age 18. I did not get as good a degree as I might have done.

WildRosesGrow · 20/10/2017 18:31

OP funding is now different to when you were at university. Most students will get zero funding / grant. They will be able to get a loan to cover their tuition fees (£9250 a year) but not to pay for anything else.

For most families, the only way for children to go to university is for the parents to provide financial support. If you choose not to, then your children will not be able to go. Some families also choose to pay the tuition fees, so that their children do not start life with 'debts' but some feel that as they are paid back relatively slowly, then they are OK with the loans. Either way, for the vast majority of people, the loans only pay for the tuition, not any living costs at all. It is a very different situation from when you went to university.

scottishdiem · 20/10/2017 18:31

I do hope you dont have girls. You seem to value them in a wedding dress as opposed to a graduation gown. Which is odd. I married at 35. Needed no support from my parents. I needed and got my support trying to get my uni education.

user7680 · 20/10/2017 18:31

Helping then towards university is important than wedding. People get married then DIVORCE. A degree is yours for life

Ta1kinPeece · 20/10/2017 18:32

mission
Everything I hear from DD and her friends and acquaintances is that they are unbelievably tight with money
including using the "hot water for babies" at one place to make tea in their travel mugs

Mrskeats · 20/10/2017 18:34

Look at the op’s name. I fear she has mentioned all girls too scottish
I think you are right re the wedding dress. Depressing.
My mother was the same so I ended up going to uni later.

schoolgaterebel · 20/10/2017 18:34

Without some financial contribution from you your DC won’t be able too attend university unfortunately.

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