To not pay towards university?

[Gaggleofgirls]

Just had a very odd conversation with my mum who thinks I'm being very unreasonable to not pay towards my children's university?
Happy to be told either way so I'd love to hear anyone's take and whether you went or not yourself.

I have 3DDs, none of whom are near that age yet anyway. However I have said we will be prepared to match their savings when it comes to wedding/deposit (their choice) but for university I would expect them to cover any shortfall with work so they have the responsibility.

For background, I went to university and worked also in this way.
Mum has said that because I chose to work (I wasn't aware there was ever any alternative and I didn't want to starve!) then I essentially missed out on the university 'experience'. I don't really see uni as a necessary unless of course your chosen profession dictates it, all of my family have been to uni and not one of us has used the degree we went for.

OP you're a fool if you think it's only going to be a small shortfall.

I studied medicine at university and had to work for three of the years. It was flipping exhausting. I'd be in placement 8 hours a day for five days a week, then go and work 12 hours in a local supermarket on my weekends. It wouldn't have covered my rent and costs of getting to and from placement if I'd been on the minimum loan as your DC will be.

You've drip fed your husbands huge income yet you're stating that you are refusing to financially support your DCs through University. Lucky them.

Sorry but education is far more important than paying for a wedding. Most parents would do all they can for their kids when it comes to education.

Any sympathy for your way of thinking has gone now with the reveal of your husband being on 70K. Basically you're all right Jack but you want to teach your daughters a life lesson because you think it'll be character building. Wait and see how generous they feel in return when picking your care home.

To suggest a student shouldn't work is imo ridiculous. There's no reason why they can't ensure they are well-organised with their coursework to spare a couple of nights, or one day on the weekend, working to help sustain their time at University. I work very hard for long hours for my money and my DD wouldn't even dream of holding her hand out to me every time she needs something. Of course I contribute financially and if she had to work her socks off in the holidays to meet deadlines then that would take priority but so far that hasn't happened. I agree with other posters though that saving money to give her for a wedding is an outdated concept and something she should only do if her and her intended can afford it themselves.

wonderingstar it depends on the course. DD2 is looking at science courses where contact hours are 50 per week. On top of that there will be individual study. Holiday jobs yes but term time jobs could be a killer.

Only read OP's updates.

@Gaggleofgirls Bottom line is your children may be in a situation where they cannot attend university full-time aged 18 without your financial support or support in kind. A situation where the available funding including working reasonable hours just isn't enough to live on.

If and when that is the case, are you going to deny them the chance?

(By 'support in kind' I mainly mean letting them live with you without charging market rent.)

PS: On the current system, your husband earning 70k means your children will be entitled to just under half the full student loan. That won't even pay the rent on student digs.

GnomeDePlume. 50 hours is excessive even by the top University standards. Your DD should expect a 40 hour working week, with around 25 of those being contact hours. If she does a year in industry as part of her science course then the workload will increase dramatically for that year as she will still need to do online tutorials and all the work around that as well as work full-time (but she will get paid). My DD is half-way through a Medicinal Chemistry degree and manages just fine to work two nights a week in a bar. It gets her out, she can socialise and be paid for doing it!

safariboot completely agree. I think this thread has helped me understand why people aren't incandescent about the current student loans situation - most haven't a clue (OP included).

Couple that with the fact Cocoa outlined earlier (that the elephant in the room is the absence of jobs for school leavers) and I think you can see most people are in a kind of denial about it all.

wonderingstar01 50 hours was what they were told by Bristol for the particular course she is interested in (Chemical Physics).

DD1 (Biochemistry) was able to work during her first year but found it too much in her second year. She didnt find the additional tutorial work during her placement year too onerous.

Placement vary. Accounting placements with Big 4 firms can be very heavy with full time audit work (long hours) plus professional exams.

Whether a student can work through uni will depend on course load and availability of work.

The OP doesnt want to give her DDs financial assistance or will only give financial assistance if she with her limited knowledge approves of the course/institution.

Of course this is all theoretical at the moment. The OP's DDs are 10+ years away from higher education. She is still at the stage where she thinks she is in charge. She will learn.

It is far too early for you to say. Just wait and see. I am funding mine without loans. My choice. My parents did the same. However that doesn't mean I've some kind of moral high ground because I am saving other tax payers and the state a small fortune (given most student loans are not paid back). It is just my choice. Other parents let the children take student loans (about 92% of parents as most have no choice about it).

Who knows what the system will be when your children go and they might end up enable or not wanting to go anyway.

I can't begin to understand a parent who is more willing to shell out for frocks, flowers and netting bags full of stake sugared almond 'wedding favours' over a University education.

As others have said access to the student loan for fees AND maintenance is means tested. Your kids could well find it impossible to get a degree. You must be so proud of your household income. Way to spend your cash, OP!

However that doesn't mean I've some kind of moral high ground because I am saving other tax payers and the state a small fortune (given most student loans are not paid back)

Unless you’ve chosen to do it expressly to ease the burden on tax payers and the state, no, you don’t have the moral high ground.

Ime people pay for their children to go to university because they can afford to, and they don’t want them to have a huge debt.

( I was tongue in cheek as of course there are those other reasons too and I am putting funding their education above shoes, extra holidays, my pension, meals out etc. although it is true isn't it that I am probably saving hard working tax paying mumsnetters a lot of money by funding those fees that most students which might include my children will never pay back)

The fact you’ve mentioned it twice shows you do believe you’ve got the moral high ground .

I can’t believe you’re not buying shoes though.

Isn't the whole point of being a parent to do what we can so that our DC are not disadvantaged?

I mean sometimes it's not within our control but to actively limit your DC's choices in purpose is quite something!

Without financial help your DD's could not do either of the courses my DC are taking.

GetAHaircutCarl I totally agree.