AIBU to be pissed off with DD1

[SunshineLollipopsRainbows25]

I'm trying extra hard with dd1 as she has been the only child in the family for 6y I've got a dd2 now 5m! I've been really happy and chirpy with her and making loads of effort to keep her involved and make sure she feels like I'm giving her the same amount of attention as the baby. it's half term.. I said we are going somewhere nice tomorrow(the zoo).. we've just been doing her homework together, I said if she puts her home work away and gets into bed I'll tell her where we're going.. she picked up her bag, looked at me dead in the eyes and said "but I didn't get my homework out" with a smug as fuck look on her face thinking I should put it away for her as I got it out of the bag. I felt rage build up and said "are you being serious?" a panicked look came across her face and I said "don't you DARE be rude to me" and walked away she's put herself to bed. I haven't gone back into the room I'm so angry! should I go back in or just leave her to fester and think about her rudeness?

Where is op?!

Pfft, what is everyone getting worked up over? She'll survive. Not the best of reactions by the OP, but that smug little 'in your face' look that my DC get when they were trying it on gives me the rage too.....

Rage - makes me think it sounds like you both are being "triggered" by that look. We all have our triggers and they prompt extreme reactions in us, they tap into a very raw response. It's worth reflecting on what might cause this to be a trigger so to be in more control of future reactions.

Looks like html is still beyond me pah

Hilarious that everyone is telling the Op that she overreacted. Whilst completely overreacting themselves.

The op told a 6yo not to be rude. That's all! You're all acting like she has been beating her and shrieking death threats or something. 6yo was being disobedient and deliberately finding a way of avoiding putting the stuff away whilst being cheeky - op in the best position to be the judge of the tone and situation.

I'd not leave a 6yo to fester over this, I'd tell her that I love her and ask her to be polite and helpful in future. The op probably has done this whilst the vipers are shooting venom.

lol I'm still around, I put 5mo to bed went into 6yo room gave her a kiss and a hug and said I love you, she said sorry I said it's okay goodnight love you. do people not get annoyed with their children? wow. a lot of you have gone well over the top as if I'm the worst mum in the world. we have a great relationship I never raise my voice unless she's crossed the line, she went on the naughty step twice as a toddler and never had to be told again. yes she did have a smug as fuck look on her face so I said " don't you dare be rude to me " because I am her MOTHER not her friend or anyone she can talk like shit to. I respected my parents and I expect respect from my children. my DD was scared because she knows I don't raise my voice unless she's crossed the line she's not under her duvet quivering with fear she just jumped up put her stuff in her bag and got into bed hardly child abuse is it? I'm not looking for sympathy like some of you suggest I know how to look after my children and I do a bloody good job. the way I spoke in my OP Is because I'm an adult talking to other adults not children I wouldn't speak to children this way I'm not stupid. my DD is a well brought up, good manners, highly academic little girl and she is rewarded highly for her achievements but when she is rude I don't stand for it as it is RUDE and I would never have been rude to my parents. so shoot me.

Moussemoose - snide?

So er, what did you post in AIBU for? you’re clearly in no doubt about your parenting excellence.

Good for u !
And here's that hug that you need too x

@ Op thinking she was never rude to her parents. Of course you weren’t.

'lol'?
Yup, hilarious.

Another one confused as to why you posted. You're clearly a first-class parent to your well-brought-up, academic, good-mannered dd who scuttles out of the way when she realises she's crossed the line. You expect respect. Well done. And 'smug as fuck' as an absolutely fine expression to use about a 6yo. It's also fine to go from cosy chat about going to the zoo -> nuclear in seconds because of one comment and it's your dd's fault for being rude. Well then, all's right with the world, isn't it?

Sigh. Is an absolutely fine expression &c.

Erm, this is a horrible thread. I suspect the OP may have been overly descriptive of the situation to explain how/why she felt and behaved how she did towards her child...both of which I'm sure she regrests now...but if this was a common occurrence and OP was snapping at her dd often then why on earth would she post on here asking if she was being unreasonable? Sounds like a build up of sleep deprivation, combined with trying to do something nice...and then feeling slapped in the face by her dd's apparent rudeness. It doesn't sound like a case for social services to me! The OP probably needs some time out and a bit of help and sleep. She has probably misinterpreted her dd's look as smug when her dd was just trying to be clever. I've witnessed my dp snap at our older dd when she has tried to be witty but has come across as sarcastic/rude. She can also be sincerely sarcastic/rude!!

Crossed posts.

I think you got the wrong section. You obviously meant to post in IANBU.

A tad defensive?! can't believe this is real. OP you're coming across as extremely smug yourself!

I love how people are saying how I got so angry and that I have anger issues... 😂 I didn't even shout at her I only raised my voice on the word dare. she's totally fine people. chill out. she actually has a very good life.

You need to realise that humour and sarcasm etc are skills like any others, that children need to practise and learn to perform properly. Your DD said something that she thought would be witty or clever, but it came across wrongly, just like she might mis-spell a word or drop something. It is hardly worthy of the seething response and cold shoulder that followed.

You sound a bit unhinged OP.

Tbh, it sounds as if she enjoyed seeing the 'panicked look' cross her daughter's face. It sounds as if it was what she wanted

You are making it up as you go along, honestly that's ridiculous.

the cold shoulder was for all of 5 minutes she's fine.

Actually open when I first read that comment in the OP my first thought was “she enjoyed seeing that panicked look” why? Because when she saw it she didn’t stop and think “oh I’ve scared her” instead she kept going and stepped it up by raising her voice.

You sound a bit unhinged OP

Is this a joke? All the drama queens are fair raging now because OP has handled this perfectly well so they're just making stuff up now.

You just sound really aggressive to be honest.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for setting boundaries with your kids, but I just can't imagine ever describing my child as "smug as fuck", to anyone, even other adults. Because it doesn't sound like boundary setting, it sounds like you don't like her.

I can't believe you're all so perfect. how can you all be so judgemental when you don't personally know me? it's shocking really. I haven't told my daughter off for God knows how long and I didn't even tell her off today. you've all taken it totally out of proportion and gone off on a whirl wind adventure

I said " don't you dare be rude to me " because I am her MOTHER not her friend or anyone she can talk like shit to.

I'm not saying i've never snapped at my kid, so not coming from this from a perfect parent POV at all, but how is saying she didn't get the homework out = talking like shit to her mother? Am I missing something really obvious? At the worse a bit of a smart alec comment maybe, but hardly hugely disrespectful is it...?