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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with DD1

264 replies

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 19/10/2017 20:33

I'm trying extra hard with dd1 as she has been the only child in the family for 6y I've got a dd2 now 5m! I've been really happy and chirpy with her and making loads of effort to keep her involved and make sure she feels like I'm giving her the same amount of attention as the baby. it's half term.. I said we are going somewhere nice tomorrow(the zoo).. we've just been doing her homework together, I said if she puts her home work away and gets into bed I'll tell her where we're going.. she picked up her bag, looked at me dead in the eyes and said "but I didn't get my homework out" with a smug as fuck look on her face thinking I should put it away for her as I got it out of the bag. I felt rage build up and said "are you being serious?" a panicked look came across her face and I said "don't you DARE be rude to me" and walked away she's put herself to bed. I haven't gone back into the room I'm so angry! should I go back in or just leave her to fester and think about her rudeness?

OP posts:
NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 19/10/2017 20:43

She probably thought she was being clever, poor little mite. You’re mean.

chipswithchips · 19/10/2017 20:44

“Smug as fuck”? What an unpleasant way to talk about your child. I am shocked

Me too, she’s only 6 Sad

Notonthestairs · 19/10/2017 20:44

That was an over reaction- we've all had them. Don't make a mountain out of it now, tuck her in and start over.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 19/10/2017 20:44

Shock what a horrible over reaction!! I think you need to take a step back and have a thank about why you want to be so hard on her. Because you were.

Madbum · 19/10/2017 20:44

So she was a bit cheeky and you lost the plot? The way you talk about her is bloody awful.

BertrandRussell · 19/10/2017 20:44

Go in. Give her a cuddle. Say that you're sorry that you were so cross but she was cheeky and you're a bit tired. Then talk about the trip tomorrow.

I have a big age gap between mine too, and it has it's own problems. But one thing I noticed is that you say you're giving them the same amount of attention. I think you might be going a bit wrong there if you are at home with the baby and she's at school. The baby has you all day.when your dd is home you should try and give her more attention than the baby-her needs are greater and more complex than his. So try to concentrate upon her when she's home.

Ethylred · 19/10/2017 20:44

This post makes me so sad. You did not do the right thing by telling her off, she's six for goodness' sake.

Poor little girl to have such an angry mother.

I have seen a sweet child growing up having to placate her mother all the time. Don't be that mother.

Foxysoxy01 · 19/10/2017 20:45

Do you have any family around to give you a break for a bit? It sounds like you must be struggling/tired/stressed out to have reacted quite so strongly.

She is only 6 and probably thought she was being funny and sharing a joke with you (or maybe not and she was being cheeky, still a massive overreaction tho)

How have things been between you both since baby came along? could you find some time for just you and her? It sounds a bit like you need to reconnect a bit?

MrsGB2225 · 19/10/2017 20:45

Crikey! Over react much

Northernparent68 · 19/10/2017 20:46

Please address your anger issues, speak to your go and get counselling or pay privately for anger management. my mother would have behaved exactly as you did and now has 3 adult children who can’t stand her, do not end up like her.

lauryloo · 19/10/2017 20:47

I think you over reacted. My ds would say something like that thinking he's funny!

The poor little pet putting herself to bed

callymarch · 19/10/2017 20:47

Definitely learn to pick your battles or its a very long road ahead

Lethaldrizzle · 19/10/2017 20:48

6 is also a bit young for you to be stressing about her homework

NotTheDuchessOfCambridge · 19/10/2017 20:48

i felt the rage build up
really OP? How are you going to feel when she’s actually cheeky?

LittleLights · 19/10/2017 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeachMelbaPud · 19/10/2017 20:50

Massive over reaction, she's 6 ffs Hmm

FeralBeryl · 19/10/2017 20:51

Fucking Hell! I hope you’re back in there cuddling her and apologising for being a snappy crocodile.
She Is Six Hmm
Seriously - smug as fuck? Grow up, you’re her mum, not a pissed off mate of the teenaged her.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 19/10/2017 20:51

If it’s half term why does a six year old have homework? Confused

pointythings · 19/10/2017 20:51

I can't believe you could think of your 6yo that way. Please consider your feelings and behaviour towards her, this is not going well.

QueenNefertitty · 19/10/2017 20:53

Rage? Smug as fuck? Leave her to Fester?

Because she said something that wasn't even really rude at all?

I totally get that you might have overreacted in the moment, because you're tired etc, but the fact that on reflection, with time to type it into your phone, you're STILL talking about your daughter in these terms, and you're still clearly worked up about a nothing, is what makes me feel really dreadfully uneasy about this post.

Either you're not coping postpartum, and you need some help, or you're a deeply unpleasant woman and I feel heartbroken for you daughter.

YouTheCat · 19/10/2017 20:54

I agree with Worra.

I'd have been a bit cross but then have smoothed things over at bedtime.

I don't see why the OP should apologise. I have children who think it's okay to talk to me like this in school on a daily basis. It isn't okay.

MagicMoneyTree · 19/10/2017 20:54

Smug as fuck is a horrible way for anyone to describe a 6 year old. I hope it’s just a case of being tired and unusually short-tempered and you follow pp suggestions to go to her room, give her a kiss and a cuddle, apologise for being unkind and let her in on the secret of what’s happening tomorrow.

AuntLydia · 19/10/2017 20:55

Oh dear. Sounds like an over reaction to me too. I'd have laughed and said something akin to cheeky monkey before telling her again to pop the homework away. If she'd have pushed it beyond that then we'd have had words. Are you trying too hard perhaps the rest of the time and so, you've reached the end of your rope over something insignificant?

Witchend · 19/10/2017 20:56

I imagine she's referring to a home rule you have "if you got it out you have to put it away".
That's aa perfectly normal child reaction. Either totally to the letter of the law and bemused that you were breaking it. Or seeing it as being a little bit funny that you wanted to change the rule.

Putting herself to bed sounds really sad though. As though she doesn't expect to be listened to.

QueenNefertitty · 19/10/2017 20:56

@theCat

I also used to have a stepfather who talked to and about me in very similar terms to this, and overreacted to childish errors, on a daily basis from the age of 4-10. It was just the tip of an iceberg of emotional abuse.

I'm still in therapy 20 years on, and have ptsd.