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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with DD1

264 replies

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 19/10/2017 20:33

I'm trying extra hard with dd1 as she has been the only child in the family for 6y I've got a dd2 now 5m! I've been really happy and chirpy with her and making loads of effort to keep her involved and make sure she feels like I'm giving her the same amount of attention as the baby. it's half term.. I said we are going somewhere nice tomorrow(the zoo).. we've just been doing her homework together, I said if she puts her home work away and gets into bed I'll tell her where we're going.. she picked up her bag, looked at me dead in the eyes and said "but I didn't get my homework out" with a smug as fuck look on her face thinking I should put it away for her as I got it out of the bag. I felt rage build up and said "are you being serious?" a panicked look came across her face and I said "don't you DARE be rude to me" and walked away she's put herself to bed. I haven't gone back into the room I'm so angry! should I go back in or just leave her to fester and think about her rudeness?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 19/10/2017 21:58

Lemon, does the child not matter at all? Or just the adult?

WitchesHatRim · 19/10/2017 22:00

Why are people concerned about the 'real person crying and feeling crap' when there is a real 6yo feeling ten times worse, probably frightened and unloved and alone?

I agree

lurkingnotlurking · 19/10/2017 22:00

You sound overwhelmed, Op. Maybe by the prospect of a big outing with two. Why not do something local?

GreatStar · 19/10/2017 22:01

Of course the child matters. No one's disputing that. Or that the OP reacted less than ideal.
I just don t agree with kicking someone when they're down or that 3,4 & 5 pages of other mums over the top reactions is necessary.

Armadillostoes · 19/10/2017 22:01

Lemon the word used makes all the difference in the world. The phrase "fester" combined with the angry swearing showe d a worrying attitude. You seem to have zero empathy and concern for the six year old in all of this.

It is absurd to say that anyone who answers an AIBU with YABU is asserting that they are a perfect parent. The OP's treatment of her DD was not okay and shouldn't be affirmed and smoothed over.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 19/10/2017 22:01

The OP is projecting all kinds of adult emotions and motivations onto her 6yo child. 'Looked me dead in the eyes'. 'Smug as fuck'. She's seeing - out of precisely nowhere - some kind of threatening challenge to her authority that made her want to crush it - crush her. And it seems she succeeded Sad

In a normal interaction, even if you didn't feel inclined to respond to 'but I didn't get it out' with humour, surely a slight raise of the eyebrow and 'maybe you didn't, but I'm asking you to put it away, sweetheart, please' would be enough? But to blow up into a terrifyingly offended avenger over this out of nowhere - well, it's mystifying and it's deeply troubling.

Moussemoose · 19/10/2017 22:04

You're all mad. The child was cheeky. Mum over reacted. Came on here for perspective and many posters have massively over reacted.

BellyDancer124 · 19/10/2017 22:06

Poor kid. You’re horrible OP. Sad

Moussemoose · 19/10/2017 22:08

BellyDancer124

You're horrible too. And I bet you smell!

GreatStar · 19/10/2017 22:10

^^BellyDancer124

Poor kid. You’re horrible OP.

^^ the irony.

Moussemoose · 19/10/2017 22:13

GreatStar

This whole thread is a testament to irony and a lack of self awareness.

Mittens1969 · 19/10/2017 22:13

I’ve overreacted with my DDs, no question. No judgement for that from me, her DD was being a smarty pants of course and when you’re tired if can get to you. With a 5 month old as well, of course the OP is stressed.

BUT the projection of adult emotions onto a child of 6 is what’s wrong with this, especially the phrase ‘smug as f**k’. And her DD panicking and rushing to take herself to bed, as if she knows it’s best to get out of her mum’s way.

We might be reading to much into this, I hope so.

OpenThePickles · 19/10/2017 22:14

Poor kid. You’re horrible OP.

Bloody hell, what's going on in hereShock

6 year old was told not to be rude, went into her room....and all hell breaks loose here, mother called for everything. Hang your heads in shame people, tut tut.

Littlechocola · 19/10/2017 22:16

She’s a baby, you are the grown up.

I’m so sad for her.

TalkinBoutWhat · 19/10/2017 22:17

Pfft, what is everyone getting worked up over? She'll survive. Not the best of reactions by the OP, but that smug little 'in your face' look that my DC get when they were trying it on gives me the rage too.....

Give your DD a cuddle, but keep pulling her up on it if she behaves like this. She's testing your boundaries, they all do.

Moussemoose · 19/10/2017 22:18

Littlechocola

It must be wonderful to always act like a grown up and never make mistakes.

You would never write a snide post to a stressed mother would you........?

HeteronormativeHaybales · 19/10/2017 22:19

Tbh, it sounds as if she enjoyed seeing the 'panicked look' cross her daughter's face. It sounds as if it was what she wanted. Otherwise, she would have seen the look, realised she'd gone too far and reassured her daughter. Instead she stuck the boot in again with an indignant 'don't you DARE' that many of us who had this type of mother will recognise.

And she can write about that panicked look in her OP and still be focusing indignantly on her daughter's 'rudeness'. She's not come here for perspective. She came to be told she was right.

BellyDancer124 · 19/10/2017 22:21

I don’t think OP is coming back

didyouseethesunwasred · 19/10/2017 22:21
Biscuit
GreatStar · 19/10/2017 22:21

She came to be told she was right.

Well here, it's a good job she didn't come looking a bit of support!

Moussemoose · 19/10/2017 22:22

HeteronormativeHaybales

It sounds as if she enjoyed seeing the 'panicked look

Yep OP is obviously a sociopath. No empathy. Enjoys the panic the child feels. I bet the OP "stuck the boot in" literally and metaphorically.

Nobody going over the top round here. Nope, no one frothing at the mouth.

GreatStar · 19/10/2017 22:23

Bellydancer ... No doesn't look like it!
Either she's been scared off or ..... the other reason that we see when an OP has just the one post and a huge debate Hmm

Moussemoose · 19/10/2017 22:24

The OP is busy stamping on kittens.

TheCowWentMoo · 19/10/2017 22:25

Its the way the OP talks about her DD that I think stands out and makes it sound so bad, its a really horrible way to talk about your daughter, it sounds quite nasty.

Of course all parents have snapped at their children and of course they've all made mistakes but the OP is still angry at her DD, and the way she describes the panic in her DD's eyes is very sad.

Octopus37 · 19/10/2017 22:27

God I wish my kids would panick a bit about being in trouble LE and upsetting me. Better still if they then put themselves to bed