AIBU to be pissed off with DD1

[SunshineLollipopsRainbows25]

I'm trying extra hard with dd1 as she has been the only child in the family for 6y I've got a dd2 now 5m! I've been really happy and chirpy with her and making loads of effort to keep her involved and make sure she feels like I'm giving her the same amount of attention as the baby. it's half term.. I said we are going somewhere nice tomorrow(the zoo).. we've just been doing her homework together, I said if she puts her home work away and gets into bed I'll tell her where we're going.. she picked up her bag, looked at me dead in the eyes and said "but I didn't get my homework out" with a smug as fuck look on her face thinking I should put it away for her as I got it out of the bag. I felt rage build up and said "are you being serious?" a panicked look came across her face and I said "don't you DARE be rude to me" and walked away she's put herself to bed. I haven't gone back into the room I'm so angry! should I go back in or just leave her to fester and think about her rudeness?

Most parents would be on here worrying that they had 'lost it' or 'overreacted' if that incident had occurred and would be feeling apologetic and would be posting about how to make it up to her and make it right, the fact that you had to ask if you should be pissed of with HER is slightly concerning. You have done some major back pedalling.

OP, when I had my second child my eldest was 5 and seemed to really struggle with the adjustment, my happy, sweet natured little girl was suddenly tantruming & sulking and expressing huge resentment towards her new sibling. Coupled with that, I was struggling with PND and suppressing it because I felt like I was failing both of the children.

I was short tempered and blamed by eldest child’s moods on her being jealous and was starting to feel very cold towards her, I’m ashamed to say that I shouted on occasion too. My heart was saying ‘don’t take it out on her!’ But my mouth was running and I didn’t seem to be able to stop it.

Admitting I was struggling & seeking help for it has transformed the situation, as well as my daughter coming through the adjustment period. I’m crazy about all of my children and counting my blessings again.

Could you be struggling with a touch of PND? I’ve had it with all three of my children and I am so far from myself when under such a black cloud. If you’re struggling then the kindest thing you could do for yourself and your family is to get some help.

Apologies if I’m way off...

Parents snap and overreact all the time but what's worrying here is the Op wont admit its an overreaction. Its not normal to have that level of anger towards a child who did a very minor thing, and when situations like this happen you just have to acknowledge you got it wrong this time, which the OP hasn't done.

How many time have you (and all parents ) Said ‘but i didn’t get it out’ when faced with a child wanting you to tidy up thier toys as they don’t want to. I know i say it loads, stands to reason that to a 6 year old it’s the same thing, you’ve probably told her a million times that if you get something out you put it away, she won’t understand the difference and would only have been smiling as she will think she’s figured out the best response

Not the most fitting username from the OP

FWIW, the times I try and make an extra effort are the times I'm most likely to snap or lose my temper.

I guess what was actually said to OP's DD is open to interpretation as none of us apart from her were there but OP you really shouldn't talk to anyone (even an anonymous online forum) about your kids like that. She WILL pick up on the fact you talk about her in a really negative and derogatory way and it WILL destroy your relationship with her.

I also don't buy it when parents fall back on 'well my Mum/Dad would have....' scenario to justify themselves. If what they did made you feel like shit, don't do even a fraction of it to someone else. It's your responsibility to break the cycle and you can choose to do things differently and not make your child feel like crap.

Not sure why you felt the need to point out your 6 year old is "highly academic" .

...Why are you so angry? She was six and probably thought she was making a joke, hence her panic at your reaction. Massive over reaction.

Wow! So many parents who have never lost their temper where their children are concerned.

The OP vented through her post, which more than likely helped diffuse her feelings. Venting through Mumsnet not offloading onto her DD, hence the post in AIBU.

I can understand why the OP posted in the heat of the moment, getting it off her chest, doesn’t anyone else ever feel better after a rant? I can also see why after returning to the thread the OP, now calmer, felt she had to defend herself from the OTT responses. It would have been worrying if on return to the thread the OP was still raging or had said she still couldn’t face her DD, but none of that happened. IRL the situation had been resolved relatively calmly by the sound of it.

I've lost my temper plenty but never described my child as 'smug as fuck' and never ever would....

Your DD gave you a bit of cheek yes but you majorly overreacted. I actually feel sorry for her. If you react that way to something so minor, how will you react when she's properly rude? Go and give her a kiss and a cuddle.

6 year olds definitely can be smug.

6 year olds definitely can be smug.

So what?

She's 6

'I haven't gone back into the room I'm so angry'

But OP always give her daughter a kiss and a cuddle in bed and later checks her. So she didn't need to ask us whether she should 'go (back?) into the room' as she would have done anyway.

Also her 'trying extra hard', being 'happy and chirpy'and 'making loads of effort' sound warning bells to me. If all this is necessary, with her usually well behaved daughter, OP doesn't seem to be coping and needs support.