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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with DD1

264 replies

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 19/10/2017 20:33

I'm trying extra hard with dd1 as she has been the only child in the family for 6y I've got a dd2 now 5m! I've been really happy and chirpy with her and making loads of effort to keep her involved and make sure she feels like I'm giving her the same amount of attention as the baby. it's half term.. I said we are going somewhere nice tomorrow(the zoo).. we've just been doing her homework together, I said if she puts her home work away and gets into bed I'll tell her where we're going.. she picked up her bag, looked at me dead in the eyes and said "but I didn't get my homework out" with a smug as fuck look on her face thinking I should put it away for her as I got it out of the bag. I felt rage build up and said "are you being serious?" a panicked look came across her face and I said "don't you DARE be rude to me" and walked away she's put herself to bed. I haven't gone back into the room I'm so angry! should I go back in or just leave her to fester and think about her rudeness?

OP posts:
Findingdotty · 19/10/2017 21:08

YABU however I think you were tired and had had enough for the day. It happens to most of us and often at bedtime.

Go in, say goodnight, even wake her up to do it if necessary. Then leave, put it behind you and start the day again tomorrow and don't hold on to this.

ilovegin112 · 19/10/2017 21:08

along with a 6yr old feeling even worse

Cokeis · 19/10/2017 21:09

Did you miss my comment then Great?

over40andpregnant · 19/10/2017 21:10

Hope you are in the room with her now cuddling her

Seriously if that gives you the rage you are going to have a really tough time going forward with two children

Poor poor little girl

Hope you make it up to her

TheCowWentMoo · 19/10/2017 21:10

I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt that this is real but it sounds like you really don't like your DD? Thats really not a normal way to talk about a 6yr old who has been a bit cheeky.
Who thinks their 6 yr old is "smug as fuck", and who tells with relish the panic spreading across their Childs face? Why on earth do you want your child to fester or put herself to bed? The way you tell the story is like your talking about your enemy at school or something, its weird.
She was telling a joke, being a bit cheeky. Normally you would say "No but your putting it away cheeky monkey" or something In a jokey way to something like that. That was very very normal behaviour for a 6 yr old.

TempStamos · 19/10/2017 21:13

Listen to the comments and step up as a mother seriously. I feel awful for your DC.

Orchidflower1 · 19/10/2017 21:13

Hmmm op disappears without a second comment. So either
A) some troll with nothing better than making parenting decisions harder.
B) genuine and gone off to sort things out/calm down
C) gone off in a huff when people are gently trying to point out that we all loose our temper when we're tired/ emotional but she DIDover react- which most of us have done at some point!

pandarific · 19/10/2017 21:13

poor poor little girl

Really? Really really? Child was rude, child got shouted at. The horror!

Unless there’s other shit going on - and op has said she’s been showering DD1 with extra attention so it’s unlikely - I think people need to calm the hell down.

Ermm · 19/10/2017 21:13

oh my god what a horrible way to think about and treat a 6 year old. You should be ashamed. She's SIX. You don't even KNOW she thought you should put away her homework or whatever deranged thought crossed your mind.

You have serious issues which you are taking out on your SIX YEAR OLD daughter.

Poor thing would be in bed feeling scared and no doubt sick in her stomach.

Have a very long hard look at yourself and get yourself sorted.

Poor little girl.

Ceto · 19/10/2017 21:15

You really need to sort out your anger issues. If you get this angry over a bit of silly cheek, you will combust when your children hit puberty.

Jenna43 · 19/10/2017 21:15

That actually makes me feel really sad for her. And I have a 6 yo

I've got a 6yo and it doens't make me sad. The little girl was trying to push her luck. She'll think twice next time.

OP if I were you I would probably leave her for 10 minutes then go in and give her a cuddle.

KeepItAsItIs · 19/10/2017 21:16

If this is true, then WTAF. That poor little girl. I have a 6 year and I hate cheek but my god that was an overreaction and I would never describe either DC as being "smug as fuck." What a horrible way to talk about your child!

Her response was very very telling.... I have a feeling this is a pattern with you OP.

Pumperthepumper · 19/10/2017 21:17

My second child at 5 Months was hard, hard work and I was definitely unreasonable at times with my firstborn. Go and tell her about the zoo and give her a cuddle, you'll both feel better if you go to sleep speaking to each other Flowers

Jenna43 · 19/10/2017 21:19

So she was a bit cheeky and you lost the plot

I felt rage build up and said "are you being serious?" a panicked look came across her face and I said "don't you DARE be rude to me" and walked away

Sorry, where has OP lost the plot here ^? She said "Are you being serious, don't you DARE be rude to me". Bit of persppective people, come on.

Jenna43 · 19/10/2017 21:20

*perspective

SlackerMum1 · 19/10/2017 21:21

Gosh there are a lot of judgey perfect pants on here.... I’m wishing I was half so perfect that I never snapped at mine after a long day or thought (absolutely to myself) I wish you’d just shut up for 5 naffing minutes.... OP I’m guessing you’re knackered, juggling a new baby with a 6 year old and basically haven’t slept since 2016...??? So no probably not your finest parenting moment but don’t beat yourself up. Go in, have a cuddle and settle her down. She was a bit rude and cheeky but you told her off and now its done. Then, if you can, hand the baby to DP and have a relaxing bath or something yourself so you can regroup and get ready for a nice day out tomorrow.

Armadillostoes · 19/10/2017 21:21

Another YABU I am afraid. The poor little girl didn't deserve such an OTT reaction. But everyone screws up. Go in and make it right with her, you will both feel better.

letmepeeinpeace · 19/10/2017 21:21

I've lost my shit a few times. I've learnt from posts like this to never ask for support from mumsnet

buttercup54321 · 19/10/2017 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Skinfulnappies46 · 19/10/2017 21:24

You sound stressed. Probably not enough sleep with the baby plus the 6 year old trying to adjust to a new person for mums attention.
Take a few deep breaths and get a good rest if you can. The little one is only 6.

Moussemoose · 19/10/2017 21:25

Wow if that so bad I'm never telling how I behaved with 5 month old. I was tired, stressed and struggled keep the cheerful smile for the older child.

I tried and sometimes I failed. Sometimes I really wasn't perfect. Sometimes I lost my temper. Not good, but I forgave myself and moved on which is what the OP should do.

For all of you who parent with a smile and never make mistake, never lose your temper, never lose perspective well done you are saints.

You are also a bunch of sanctimonious, self satisfied, smug, unhelpful cows but I assume you will take the insult with your usual calm.

cunningartificer · 19/10/2017 21:26

The op doesn't say she shouted. She asked her to reflect. Stated boundaries. That's ok as far as it goes. Cheeky or rude child testing boundaries is reminded of mum's limits. So far so good... What's more worrisome is the panicked look which suggests it's not a one off. And any child putting herself to bed needs a cuddle and a reconciliation before sleeping. It's tough with a little baby and a little girl, and I think op is right to remind her daughter about politeness, and right to step away if she was having problems managing her anger, but also would be right to come back and reassure her before she goes to sleep.

missiondecision · 19/10/2017 21:26

6 year olds don’t “look smug as fuck” they think they are being smart with their words. They like the fact they have worked out the rules , she didn’t get it out, she doesn’t put it away. It’s a fair rule. She is smart.
She know has to learn when a smart mouth is rude. It’s your job to say lightly “hey, smarty pants, that’s rude” or “yes I know, but you’d be helping me out” or whatever. Kids do want to please, most of the time.
Being mean and over reacting won’t help.
You are probably very tired and really need to let this go.
Giver her cuddle and move on.

lurkingnotlurking · 19/10/2017 21:27

She's had her world rocked. You made a mistake - it's okay. She's just trying things out. She loves you. Show her some more sympathy - now, please. The adjustment is hard on the older ones xx

TempStamos · 19/10/2017 21:30

@SlackerMum1

Of course most parents have snapped at their DC, but the original poster hasnt just accidently snapped, imediately felt bad and apologised like the rest of us. Over one cheeky comment, the OP is actually let her 6 year old daughter put herself to bed and wants to leave her to ''fester and think about her rudeness''. She felt 'a rage build up' over the 'smug as fuck' lookon her daughters face and shouted at her making her panic and rush to put her self to bed.
If this is a serious post I am really concerned, this is not ok.