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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with DD1

264 replies

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 19/10/2017 20:33

I'm trying extra hard with dd1 as she has been the only child in the family for 6y I've got a dd2 now 5m! I've been really happy and chirpy with her and making loads of effort to keep her involved and make sure she feels like I'm giving her the same amount of attention as the baby. it's half term.. I said we are going somewhere nice tomorrow(the zoo).. we've just been doing her homework together, I said if she puts her home work away and gets into bed I'll tell her where we're going.. she picked up her bag, looked at me dead in the eyes and said "but I didn't get my homework out" with a smug as fuck look on her face thinking I should put it away for her as I got it out of the bag. I felt rage build up and said "are you being serious?" a panicked look came across her face and I said "don't you DARE be rude to me" and walked away she's put herself to bed. I haven't gone back into the room I'm so angry! should I go back in or just leave her to fester and think about her rudeness?

OP posts:
MycatsaPirate · 19/10/2017 20:56

She is 6 years old and I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and presume you are very tired.

So please learn to pick your battles! This is nothing!! She is 6 and she probably thought she was being funny/chancing her arm. Your best response would have been 'I know but we are sharing so you can put it away'

She is dealing with a huge change in her life, a new sibling, a tired mum and all the changes that come with moving into a new school year and just being six.

Honestly, if this is what makes you 'build up a rage' you need to learn to step back and think things over.

In a few years you will learn all about cheek and back chatting when she hits her pre teen years. God help you then!

BloodSplatteredFangs · 19/10/2017 20:56

I hope this isn't a genuine post.

She is six years old. I get that with a five month old baby you might be tired but even so, it's not an excuse. Your daughter just needs love. Please give it to her and change your attitude.

Nicknacky · 19/10/2017 20:57

you Why should the op apologise? It's good for kids to realise that adults make mistakes and can admit to them. The child was slight,y cheeky, didn't sdeserve to go to bed feeling like she probably does.

Nicknacky · 19/10/2017 20:57

What was wrong with my spelling lol? I hate iPads for typing quickly. I mean " why shouldn't she apologise"?

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 19/10/2017 20:58

Putting herself to bed sounds really sad though. As though she doesn't expect to be listened to.

Or as though this isn’t the first time she has seen this side of Mum and knows it’s safest to be out of the way. Sad

gamerchick · 19/10/2017 20:59

You’ve scared her OP. Please dont let her go to sleep thinking you’re angry at her. Laughing and telling her that she was going to put it away was the correct response.

The fact you let rage build up so quickly so it frightened her should be looked at. Go and give her a cuddle.

GreatStar · 19/10/2017 21:00

OP you're probably tired and stressed. I hope by now you and her have had a little cuddle and that have been able to settle down with a cuppa xxx

MehMehAndMeh · 19/10/2017 21:00

Oh dear OP.

Is this normal for you since your second child? You are remembering the innocence and perfection of the early months and now dd1 is growing her own personality she doesn't seem like your baby anymore?

She's not, but she is no less your child, still dependent on you for all her love and support. She was a bit cheeky, made an ill thought out attempt at humour and instead of explaining that and gently yet firmly directing her towards the correct course of action, you totally cut her legs out from under her.

You say you've put in loads of effort. Is that what it feels like, effort to be around her?
Forgive me if I am wrong, but that level of rage does not just appear from nowhere.

Oswin · 19/10/2017 21:01

Rage at such a tiny thing? Bloody hell op. Please go give her a cuddle. Did it not upset you to see her panic? No guilt?

MuncheysMummy · 19/10/2017 21:02

Rage? Smug as fuck? Leave her to Fester?

Because she said something that wasn't even really rude at all?

I totally get that you might have overreacted in the moment, because you're tired etc, but the fact that on reflection, with time to type it into your phone, you're STILL talking about your daughter in these terms, and you're still clearly worked up about a nothing, is what makes me feel really dreadfully uneasy about this post.

Either you're not coping postpartum, and you need some help, or you're a deeply unpleasant woman and I feel heartbroken for you daughter.

This basically i agree 100% your reaction really isn't normal and you aren't behaving appropriately. Sounds like you aren't coping and need some help managing your emotions.

Butteredparsn1ps · 19/10/2017 21:02

Six-Year-Olds can be rather um literal at times. it's a development phase.

May be she was cheeky, maybe she thought she was being clever and maybe she thought she was right.

Maybe she's tired - i assume it's the end of the school half term?

Maybe you are tired too.

And maybe you over-reacted.

Rachie1973 · 19/10/2017 21:02

Major over reaction! She's 6 years old ffs. I'm sure she thought she was damned funny!

Cut that child some slack.

LagunaBubbles · 19/10/2017 21:02

Are you well OP? Because this is a complete and utter over reaction.

dontcallmelen · 19/10/2017 21:02

Another one who hopes this post isn’t genuine, if it is you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking to leave a six year old to fester.
Take the advice given on pp & say sorry & give plenty of cuddles.

ImADingleDangleScarecrow · 19/10/2017 21:02

I hope you’ve given her a kiss and a cuddle by now OP.

Quartz2208 · 19/10/2017 21:03

you let the rage build up over that she panicked (presumably because her mum was about to get angry) you walked away and are now letting her fester

yeah you totally overreacted to that comment - a simple but its your job to put it away would have sufficed

Gizmo79 · 19/10/2017 21:03

Everyone has bad days. Especially with a small baby.
No one is perfect, but today you do need to go and give your DD a hug before she goes off to sleep.
Then you need some chill time for yourself. Take care.

Ellieboolou27 · 19/10/2017 21:04

Hope this is not real, It's made me sad to read as my dd is only a year younger and I'd hate to have made her feel like this over something so trivial.
If she'd dove something serious or dangerous I could understand but YABU

GreatStar · 19/10/2017 21:04

Alright everyone..... after 3 pages the OP will get it. No need for this to go on and make her feel a million times worse. She's a mum, not perfect like the rest of us. Let's lay off her. Remember while we are all typing out our two cents worth, that there's a real person reading probably crying and feeling crap

YouTheCat · 19/10/2017 21:04

Queen, the OP didn't say 'smug' to her dd - that was to us lot. She told her not to dare to be rude to her and the dd was rude. I think it's a bit much to assume the Op does this all the time and is emotionally abusive.

Yes, it was a bit of an overreaction probably. There was no ranting and character assassination though. The dd took herself off to bed - she wasn't sent. I expect OP is a bit frazzled. It's not like she's taking the day trip off her or being mean.

TitusAndromedon · 19/10/2017 21:05

People are so incredibly harsh. The OP made it clear that she wrote her post when feeling angry and frustrated. If I’d read this 18 months ago I might have been horrified, but now I realise that sometimes I lose my temper and snap or shout, and I’m not proud of it, but it doesn’t mean I have anger issues or that anyone should feel sorry for my children. It simply means that it is impossible to sustain the perfect parent facade indefinitely when you are tired, stressed and struggling.

OP, I hope you and your daughter have had a nice cuddle and you have a lovely day together tomorrow. I imagine that this was a blip and she will have forgotten it by morning, but I do hope that you can find ways to give yourself a break from the constant demands of small children, as I’m sure it will help you to stay calm in challenging situations if you are able to have some time away.

pandarific · 19/10/2017 21:06

I think the people on this thread are being a little hysterical. OP didn’t jump up and down shrieking ffs, all the sad faces and ‘poor little mites’ are a little much.

Not the best moment but come on, it’s a 4/10 on the bad parenting scale, at best.

georgeisadinosaur · 19/10/2017 21:07

I have a 6yo DD who comes out with similar comments, I think it is really just experimenting/testing boundaries.

I think tbh you overreacted, you could have just said, "Don't be rude, please put it away" or atleast given her a chance before shouting.

Cath2907 · 19/10/2017 21:07

This makes me real sad for your daughter. Get a grip on yourself and go behave like a loving parent not an angry git.

GreatStar · 19/10/2017 21:08

At last ... by page 3 we have the sensible not so perfect ourselves on the thread. Let's make page 4 supportive and positive for the OP and ourselves!

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