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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Done the right thing by not lending any more money?

134 replies

SpottedDog321 · 19/10/2017 08:26

Where I work a young lady joined us about 6 months ago. She's 19 and lives at home. This is her first real job.

I don't know her massively well as I work in a different office but I see her when she goes out for a smoke and I have a vape and we have a chat.

She seems nice enough and has asked to borrow money on 3 occasions this month. She owes me £120 so far.

I don't usually lend money and the 3rd time I lent her some I said to myself no more as if she doesn't repay me I'm going to have to ask for it and I absolutely hate that.

A lady from our other branch does book club sales. I think it's the book people, a few books toys gifts etc and this young girl collects the money. The women in the office lap it up for there grandchildren.

I'm not in work today but she's messaged me and ask if she can urgently borrow £80. I said no sorry I can't help.

Get another message begging as she's borrowed the money from the book club orders that are now being collected tomorrow instead of Monday (we get paid Monday) she was going to put the money back as soon as she got paid to me and book club but is now skint.

I could in theory lend her the money but I really don't want to lend her anymore. Plus I think she's taken the piss that she's taken the money that doesn't actually belong to her.

AIBU to not lend her anymore money?

OP posts:
MickeyLuv · 19/10/2017 08:29

Definitely not! She has basically stolen money and needs to understand the consequences of her actions and face up to it.

Where is all her money going? Why would you lend money to a colleague who you've only known for 6 months in the first place, I don't really get that.

Invisimamma · 19/10/2017 08:29

Don't do it!!! You will never see your money again.

dustarr73 · 19/10/2017 08:30

I wouldn't lend it too her.Its her own fault. Plus I'd say goodbye to the money she owes you.

DartmoorDoughnut · 19/10/2017 08:31

Don’t do it. You’ll never see hat £120 again so don’t make it £200. Particularly when she’s about to be fired for stealing.

RonaldMcDonald · 19/10/2017 08:31

Do not lend her anymore money but accept you will never see what you have loaned her already again

She has not borrowed the book club money she has stolen it. She was aware it wasn't hers and has taken it and used it. That is theft.

I would question why you are loaning her money?

Nikephorus · 19/10/2017 08:31

Why would you lend £120 to someone you barely know?!!!!
And she's a thief too. Lovely Shock

treaclesoda · 19/10/2017 08:32

No way. In fact, I'd say you were crazy to lend her any in the first place, although it's too late for that now.

But just say no. You don't need to give her a reason, as you're not obliged to lend her anything anyway, but it's worth pointing out that she already owes you money and if she can't afford to pay that back, it would be madness to lend her more.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 19/10/2017 08:32

Honest I am not sure why you said yes to a virtual stranger once! The second time was madness altogether. Not only should you say no but you should text her back

"It's not called borrowing money from the book club it's called stealing, you already owe me £120 which will need prepaying in full on Monday when we are paid. Please don't embarrass yourself by asking again. I lent it in good faith but your expectation that I am a sucker is really irritating me"

She's a user and a thief, don't even bother being nice, at this rate she'll have no job and you'll never see her again

mickeysminnie · 19/10/2017 08:32

Why the fuck would you give someone you don't know £120 that they haven't paid back and then wonder if you Abu by not giving them another £80?
Seriously give your head a wobble!

ThePants999 · 19/10/2017 08:33

I'm sorry about the £120 that you're never going to see again, but it seems the lesson is starting to sink in, so hopefully it'll save you some money in future.

NurseButtercup · 19/10/2017 08:34

Wow! No don't lend her anymore money. Suggest that she speaks to her parents because I suspect she's going to lose her job soon.

Notanothergiraffe · 19/10/2017 08:34

You have done the right thing. You are not an endless pot of money.

She is living at home so isn’t destitute.

If you need an excuse just say you’re also waiting for payday.

speakout · 19/10/2017 08:34

Don't lend money.

We have banks for that.

PickAChew · 19/10/2017 08:38

You were mad lending her money in the first place. She's taking you for a mug.

CardsforKittens · 19/10/2017 08:38

It sounds like she needs this learning opportunity.

She also hasn't considered that maybe you don't have 80 quid to spare this close to payday! (I run close to the wire some months and I'm ostensibly a responsible adult with a well-paid job.)

At her age, people may be more sympathetic to her 'borrowing' inappropriately. But if she doesn't learn quickly she'll be setting herself up for some bad experiences in the future.

Bananalanacake · 19/10/2017 08:42

Wow. What a c.f. this is where someone says not your circus not your monkeys.

thecatsthecats · 19/10/2017 08:49

I think you should absolutely NOT text her back now she's revealed the theft of the book money. You don't want any sign that you've engaged with her now that she's admitted it, because even if you just sent a sympathetic 'no, sorry' and then waited for it to pan out, imagine how that would look to the other people in the club? That you knew about it and didn't raise it?

ArcheryAnnie · 19/10/2017 08:57

She's been stealing money that doesn't belong to her, and is asking you to help cover it up. You should not help her do this.

LadyinCement · 19/10/2017 09:00

Good point from thecatsthecats. Imagine if your colleagues found out that you had known. Furthermore, you may not be the only person she has "borrowed" money from.

This happened to me years ago. When I was in a new workplace a colleague quickly befriended me, and shortly afterwards asked to borrow some money. I gave him £50, I think it was. Another colleague asked me tentatively if "Mick" had asked to borrow money, and not to give him any. Lesson learnt. Mick did repay me - I am fierce Wink .

MrLovebucket · 19/10/2017 09:01

I may well have lent her money the first time she asked (I can be a bit of a sucker at times) but after she didn't repay that there's no way I'd have lent her more.

She's taking you (and everyone who's paid for their books) for a ride. Living at least £200 beyond your means each month is crazy.

JoJoSM2 · 19/10/2017 09:02

I wouldn’t have lent any money to a person I barely know.

Given the situation, I would ask for the £120 back and be pretty angry that it’s hasn’t been returned yet.

With regards to the £80, I’d say I’m outraged at what they have done and would actually report them. You can’t just help yourself to money that isn’t yours.

Mrsmadevans · 19/10/2017 09:03

You have been taken advantage of your very kind good nature my dear.
The saying 'never a lender nor a borrower be' comes to mind.
Refuse to loan any more money but offer to help in another way....
ie help her in explaining to the others or encouraging her to face up to what she has done.

MrsOverTheRoad · 19/10/2017 09:04

She's a thief and if you give her the money then you're colluding with her!

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 19/10/2017 09:07

Oh my god, why did you lend her money in the first place?! You'll never get that back. Also, she's a thief, why would you even consider bailing her out. By telling you, she's basically implicating you as you now know about the theft. Do not engage with her anymore, at all, and certainly not via text as that is written 'evidence' as such, should all this come out.

SecretSmellies · 19/10/2017 09:08

Wow. I would pretty bloody quick smart go to your line manager or your HR. She has stolen the book money and expects you to collude with her.