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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Done the right thing by not lending any more money?

134 replies

SpottedDog321 · 19/10/2017 08:26

Where I work a young lady joined us about 6 months ago. She's 19 and lives at home. This is her first real job.

I don't know her massively well as I work in a different office but I see her when she goes out for a smoke and I have a vape and we have a chat.

She seems nice enough and has asked to borrow money on 3 occasions this month. She owes me £120 so far.

I don't usually lend money and the 3rd time I lent her some I said to myself no more as if she doesn't repay me I'm going to have to ask for it and I absolutely hate that.

A lady from our other branch does book club sales. I think it's the book people, a few books toys gifts etc and this young girl collects the money. The women in the office lap it up for there grandchildren.

I'm not in work today but she's messaged me and ask if she can urgently borrow £80. I said no sorry I can't help.

Get another message begging as she's borrowed the money from the book club orders that are now being collected tomorrow instead of Monday (we get paid Monday) she was going to put the money back as soon as she got paid to me and book club but is now skint.

I could in theory lend her the money but I really don't want to lend her anymore. Plus I think she's taken the piss that she's taken the money that doesn't actually belong to her.

AIBU to not lend her anymore money?

OP posts:
Greyponcho · 19/10/2017 09:09

I’d be replying with a link on “how to budget” from MSE or similar.
She’s taking the piss and needs to reprioritise repaying her debts over buying cigs or whatever else she’s spending it on. £120 in a month is lot - £200 is unreal!

SecretSmellies · 19/10/2017 09:09

And you have to cover your arse, because as others have said, the fact you know she has stolen the book money places you in a vulnerable position.

Go speak to whoever it is you have to speak to at work.

Original poster
SpottedDog321 · 19/10/2017 09:10

I've been stupid and I'm clearly a soft touch.

She's not repaid the money as it's all been borrowed recently and the condition was for her to repay me on Monday.

I will not be loaning anymore money.

Is it worth reporting her for stealing this money or keep my nose out of it and see how this pans out?

We do cash handling in this job so if I did report her it's not going to be taken lightly

OP posts:
EverythingEverywhere1234 · 19/10/2017 09:12

100% report her. Esp given that you work in cash handling. Now you know about the thieving, you can't really just ignore it.

Thiscantreallybehappening · 19/10/2017 09:14

OP - unfortunately, I think you are going to have to report this. I think you would have to anyway because she is probably borrowing money off other people and how can she be trusted around people's personal belongings but also if your office environment includes handling money you need to.

justilou1 · 19/10/2017 09:17

Wonder if she's "borrowing" cigarettes, too......
You obviously need to remind her that she already owes you 120. None too subtly either. You need to let her accept responsibility for her actions with the book club. Not your circus, etc...

LIZS · 19/10/2017 09:18

Defintely don't lend more. You may not be the only one she is using like this. Suggest she needs to sort out her finances with CAB etc? It might be worth mentioning to the Book lady that you are concerned that her order system seems to be putting pressure on her so she might like to check it adds up but not report it officially as it isn't a work issue. Tbh I'd also avoid the person on future, it may only be a matter of time before the cash is short if her finances are getting so out of hand. She needs to take it as a warning now.

smallmercys · 19/10/2017 09:19

Yes, if you don't report the theft of the book club money you would be colluding if it is found out that you knew and did nothing. You have a duty to report the theft since it was taking the money without arrangement or consent. I think this person will lose her job with your company anyway and your money is gone.

SilverSpot · 19/10/2017 09:19

Don’t do it. You’ll never see hat £120 again so don’t make it £200. Particularly when she’s about to be fired for stealing.

^This!

thecatsthecats · 19/10/2017 09:19

(Just thinking to myself how awful it is how ingrained the feeling is not to 'snitch'.)

You have to report this OP. I'm assuming that £80 breaks down to something like 8 x £10. That is maybe eight people who don't know that they've 'loaned' this woman a tenner.

She can't be trusted, and if she can't keep her hands off money belonging to people she directly works with then how little conscience is she going to have about money belonging to other people?

Longdistance · 19/10/2017 09:20

No, don’t cave in.

I also wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not the only one that’s lent her money...

MonkeyJumping · 19/10/2017 09:21

If you don't report her, and they find out, she may then try to justify or excuse her actions by saying that you knew about it and as you've been there longer and are more senior she thought it was ok.

So she could tell HR that you knew and show them the text as proof.

It's likely that your employer would think failing to report this is a serious disciplinary offence, especially as your role involves money handling. So ultimately you could lose your job here.

Report her!

Greyponcho · 19/10/2017 09:21

I would speak to management- they might discipline her, take book money out of her wages and instruct her to learn to budget, if they’re kind and don’t fire her

Hawkmoth · 19/10/2017 09:21

I think it is a work issue, on a par with stealing from the tea fund or handbags. It's not theft from the company but it is theft from the workplace.

Thiscantreallybehappening · 19/10/2017 09:22

OP MonkeyJumping is right

Chewbecca · 19/10/2017 09:23

I'd report.

It is always better to fess up as soon as you become aware there's a problem in my experience.

If you don't & it is later discovered that you knew and didn't report it (which is very likely) your own job and reputation will be at risk.

TerrifyingFeistyCupcake · 19/10/2017 09:24

You need to report it, because if it comes out another way and she tells them you knew, you will be in some deep shit yourself. Colluding with or concealing a colleague's theft - and not telling someone when you know is considered concealing - is taken very seriously.

Most people who embezzle tell themselves they're "borrowing" the money.

Nandoshoes · 19/10/2017 09:24

This isn't the first time she has done this. She has played on your niceness and lent the money which she won't be repaying.

You need to be firm and say no you won't lend her anymore !

She's taking the piss out of you ! Please don't let her do t anymore.

Can you afford to not get the 120 back let alone 200 !

She will be sacked soon. That's not your fault it's hers.

londonrach · 19/10/2017 09:25

You need to report the the book money to your manager as you could be in trouble otherwise. Dont text back, just show text to manager and let them deal with it. You wont get £120 back and i suspect you wont see her again

DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 19/10/2017 09:27

Stealing is the intention to deprive the owner of their property permanently. Borrowing is not stealing. Unethical, but there is a legal difference.

If you dont mind me saying, anywhere I've ever worked, lending/borrowing money between collegues has been a gross misconduct and instant dismissal offence. Simply not permitted under any circumstances.

However I would go quietly to HR under the guise that she needs help managing her money appropriately.

Hortonlovesahoo · 19/10/2017 09:27

Monkeyjumping is correct. You need to report the theft

Branleuse · 19/10/2017 09:28

no way, she has got herself into this mess and youve already been generous. Obviously not generous enough for her

specialsubject · 19/10/2017 09:30

She's manipulative and you are being played. You aren't in a playground. Report her.

fucksakefay · 19/10/2017 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoraPirbright · 19/10/2017 09:30

Oh dear - what a terrible position she has put you in! Sadly your kindness has been taken advantage of and I bet that you are not the only one she has borrowed from. However, the money taken from the Book People is just stealing, plain and simple!! I agree wth others that you ought to report her as you dont want to be dragged in and shown to be in some way complicit by your silence!

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