Dh stressing about having been told wrong gender

[Shehz21]

More of a WWYD.
I had a private scan at 16w+5 and was told girl.
Since yesterday DH has been on Dr.google and saw how many cases there are of wrong genders being told before 20 weeks(even after the 20w scan in some cases!!).
I am very thankful for this baby and would be happy no matter whether its a boy or girl as long as its healthy but DH wants to pay for another scan now at 18w to reconfirm baby gender. It is annoying him so much that I feel like complying with him and going for the scan but its £59!!!
Is it worth it to go just for his peace of mind or wait 2 weeks until NHS scan?

I know it’s been touched on but the 20 week scan is to check the health of your baby. Finding out the sex is just a nice maybe thing. This needs to be drummed into your bloke.

Reading your posts I hope to god you’re having a boy OP, your mil will be unbearable if she’s after a girl

I had a private scan at 11 weeks (for downs) and asked if she had any inkling of the sex - I was told girl and she was right. OK so it could have been wrong at that stage but if they can tell by 11 weeks then by 16 weeks the chances are pretty high that it is correct. I can understand wanting to be sure though, and being excited to see the baby on the scan again which your husband may think is worth £59 - that's actually a really good price for a private scan.

You are storing up trouble for the future is you allow your MIL to dictate what you do now, she will interfere with everything.

I'd suggest having that conversation as nicely as you can with your DH and get the groundrules clear and agreed now, and don't have anymore scans.

It's nonsense to say he can't bond with a baby unless he knows what it is

What an awful woman your MIL is. I agree with previous PPs here, that she’s going to be insufferable once the baby is born if it does turn out to be a girl. Your DH really needs to learn to stand up to her; the money offered for s second scan should go towards therapy to help him move on to being in a position to be a husband and father who can put his family first.

DH and MiL need their heads banged together!
That's an awful thing for a GM to say.

"the money offered for s second scan should go towards therapy to help him"

Absolutely.

Op, stop enternaining his & his mum's nonsense.

Reading some comments on here, I have just realised that some of you are making a good point with how hard it is gonna be with MIL if it's actually a girl.
I can imagine her calling the baby hers and thinking she has more rights than me on the baby.
I need to tackle this issue asap.
Really anxious now

Titty, You said, "I don't think I'd be having unnecessary scans. They can affect baby."

In what way can they "affect [the] baby"? If you are going to scaremonger, can you at least expand on your statements?

There's some really, really weak evidence that repeated ultrasound can make a child more prone to lefthandedness and that seems to be it. (The research was done by one of my previous fetal medicine consultants, which is why I happen to know about it: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1678377/pdf/bmj00030-0021.pdf)

Other than that, there's nothing that concerning, beyond "we don't really know so best not to do it too often", which doesn't really work for those of us who have to have an awful lot more scans than most because of previous dead babies or complications. I'm willing to 'risk' a lefthanded baby.

(DH actually really disappointed that none of the children is lefthanded so far as he is!)

As for the OP's DH, I'd see his request in a more generous light. He sounds as if he is dealing with significant anxiety and this (however unreasonably) seems to him a way to 'fix' it. Having dealt with anxiety myself, my guess is that he would then not trust that scan either or find some other issue to focus on.

wants to bond properly with the baby and now it seems to annoy him that he can't be sure if its a he or she.

What difference does the sex make?

Tell him to just be glad you've conceived and all he should be worried about coming out is a healthy baby.

I would give the child a gender neutral name and tell MIL it was a boy. She stays away and you can raise your daughter happily!!!!

@TittyGolightly I had to have some extra scans. The only effect it had on DS was to annoy him slightly - at least that's what his burst of activity felt like But anything poking him led to the same, including the monitor when I was being induced - felt like he was trying to kick it off.

As for the OP YANBU to wait for the 20 week scan and your MIL should keep out of it.

Another thing: Google is not your or your DH's friend here. If he is going to Google every little thing you are going to be in for a rough ride. It will turn every milestone into a competition (s/he is not walking yet!), and every snotty nose into a full-blown disease.

The gender neutral name is a good idea. And nice beige baby grows when she goes to visit grandma! Just in case MIL thinks baby girls are just dress up dolls.

Namesarehard I would gladly cut her off but she is going to play her trump card that FIL has passed away and I should be more "understanding"..

Understanding of what? That she only wants a girl? I'd be taking the stance of not her baby, not my circus or monkeys. I wouldn't let that kind of crazy near my baby.

My Grandma was like your MIL. It started when she had her own children. She only wanted sons and got 4 daughters and one son. Her son wasn't the favourite, one of her daughters was.

This was repeated when grandchildren were born - only wanting grandsons. She got 7 granddaughters and 2 grandsons. Her grandsons are her favourite daughters children and she favours all of said daughters kids over the rest of us (one DD two boys)

She's living next door to her favourites and is NC with the rest of her grandkids. She hasn't even met all her grandkids and the youngest is a teen now.

Glad her and her toxic attitude aren't in our lives.

I wouldn't have any extra scans either. I only had one scan for each of my pregnancies, the 20 week one. Would have had more if they were medically indicated, but they weren't.
As far as your MIL is concerned , she sounds a bit weird. I'm lucky enough to have 2 beautiful healthy grandsons, wouldn't have made the blindest bit of difference if either or both of them had been girls.

OP there are posters on her projecting their own thoughts and experiences on the matter and winding you up. No one here knows your MIL or your DH. It sounds like he is just very nervous and anxious. I've been there with my son. I would have loved him either way - it was the knowing that mattered. And if you don't get it, you never will.

Do yourself a favour and get off MN. You've gone from wondering why DH is acting slightly weirdly to being convinced that MIL is going to claim your baby as her own. It's madness.

I think you're right to worry about MiL claiming rights in your dc if she's a girl. Another potential problem is friction between your family and BiL's if your dd becomes the golden grandchild at the expense of her cousins.

I really think you need to thrash all this out with DH well in advance so you can have a united front on dealing with it. For heavens sake don't let the conversation wait until you're hormonal, sleep deprived and just recovering from giving birth

If it gives him peace of mind just get another one? I know it’s money but maybe if it helps him relax?

If it gives him peace of mind just get another one? I know it’s money but maybe if it helps him relax?

And if that indicates that it's actually maybe a boy and he goes into paroxysms of fear about how his mother will react? Or when he realises that that scan isn't a guarantee either? Or, indeed, when the OP's baby is born a girl and the issue of a toxic MIL and a very enmeshed husband is still rumbling on?

I think it's pretty clear this isn't just a case of an anxious dad who will be soothed by another scan.

"If it gives him peace of mind just get another one?"

Why should she?

She's done it once already, there's the 20wk scan coming up.

He'll probably want another after that anyway.

He doesn't need to be enabled in this trying to appease his mum.

I should think things will be shit either way as a girl won't look right/behave right for MIL.

Sorry I wasn’t trying to be pushy - of course she shouldn’t have it if she doesn’t want to but I didn’t get the impression she was super against it at the start of the thread.

haveacupoftea Unfortunately the ops MIL has made it clear she will not love a baby either way. She does not even want to celebrate if it's a boy.

This MIL clearly isn't coming for a place of concern for her DS or DIL. The op has confirmed the MIL is a nightmare. Do you really think a woman making comments like the MIL should be given the benefit of the doubt?

I'm just impressed you got a private scan for £59! We've had to pay closer to £200 where we are.

You can get a scan for £39 on Groupon at the delightfully named 'Womb with a View'. Don't know whether these private scanning places are licensed or have CQC inspections though. They used to do scans at a sort of pop-up shop at my local leisure centre. Seemed dodgy.