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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 15:59

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/10/2017 17:11

I can see where you are coming from, @GetOffTheTableMabel, but the fact that the CF friend is now not responding to texts and calls would make me think she doesn't value the friendship that highly.

In @KungFu's place, I think I would send one last text - "I am furious at what you have done. If I don't hear from you tonight, with a solution that does NOT cost my business money, I WILL be contacting the school tomorrow morning to tell them that you didn't have my permission to offer this prize - in fact you didn't even have the courtesy to ASK me. I am aware that this will cause some fallout for you at the school and with the PTA, but you create this situation, and so it is your problem."

That is a nuclear option, but I think the situation warrants it.

Redglitter · 18/10/2017 17:12

It's probably not worth losing a friend over - although

She's no friend though. Shes totally out of order offering the prize in the first place but her behaviour now not answering messages or calls is even worse. She knows shes in the wrong and instead of facing up to it she's hiding. She clearly doesn't give a damn about their friendship

Nocabbageinmyeye · 18/10/2017 17:13

IF you do continue, and I wouldn't be doing so without getting a contribution and my friend feeling my wrath then make sure you put a validity period of January to March 18 or something similar, not before Christmas

Redglitter · 18/10/2017 17:13

I love SDTG text I'd send that

TimeIhadaNameChange · 18/10/2017 17:15

I would get in touch with the head tomorrow if you don't get a satisfactory answer from your not-so-dear-friend. The ONLY way it can go ahead is for her to pay for the voucher.

MintCassis · 18/10/2017 17:15

If you do end up donating, whether your friend pays or you come to another agreement, then date the voucher for after Christmas when you are quieter.

DrPill · 18/10/2017 17:15

A friend that would do this could also attempt to lie her way out of it.
"My friend changed her mind about the prize" or "My friend has refused to give us a voucher".
Either do it but ask your friend to pay for the treatment, ask your friend to cover your outgoings or just donate it.

Or, call the school to say there's been a mistake. Don't involve your friend in getting you out of it. I wouldn't trust her at all.

Whocansay · 18/10/2017 17:16

Phone the school and explain. They will think she is an arse, not you. They should never have sent out flyers without contacting you either.

ijustwannadance · 18/10/2017 17:17

If you do end up doing it, (which you shouldn't) then put a clause on voucher saying it can't be used between x+y date so they can't book in over xmas party season or new year.

DancesWithOtters · 18/10/2017 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theresnonamesleft · 18/10/2017 17:20

I would message her
Hi, this isn’t going away. You had no right to sign my business up to anything. You have until 9am tomorrow morning to pay for your contribution. If your gift isn’t paid for then I will have to contact the PTA and let them know I have no knowledge of this gift.

MaxPepsi · 18/10/2017 17:24

Honour it, with conditions. .....say it is not valid until the new year.

Therefore you don't lose Xmas customers.

AdalindSchade · 18/10/2017 17:25

You wouldn't have to offer an appointment before Christmas. You could specify to be used during January or something. Not that you should be obliged to do this but if you do - I would do it on the condition that CF pays you half the value and it's only for use during a short and specific time period.

NurseButtercup · 18/10/2017 17:25

What a cheek! I can't believe how rationale and reasonable the responses are on this thread.

Sounds like you're going to go along with this to save face, so you might as well do damage limitation and control it. Just treat it like a Groupon voucher.

Something along the lines of:
Voucher is valid just for cut and blow dry
Dates are limited to your quiet periods e.g. Monday - Wednesday in January, February and March.
Must be booked at least 2 weeks in advance.

I have no reasonable advice how to deal with your so called friend.

Flowers
Candlelight234 · 18/10/2017 17:25

If you cat get summer from the CF tonight (unlikely) call the school tomorrow and say there has been a mistake by your CF friend that will need rectifying bedfore they circulate distribute the flyers even more.

Candlelight234 · 18/10/2017 17:26

Summer = can't get payment

nameusername · 18/10/2017 17:26

@KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Hang on to all the text messages as proof. I would personally get in touch with the school to explain the situation. She's taking credit for something that is yours to give. Some friend she is. Just do a slow fade and if I were the rest of the friend group, I'll keep my eye open.

Who knows what else she might be 'giving away' in future without anyone's knowledge. Are you a softie by any chance? It might be a catch 22 where she thinks that you can't back out since it may put your busineess in bad reputation. I personally would put her on blast if that was the case. Keep those texts handy.

ilovekitkats · 18/10/2017 17:26

The local salon always donates a Cut and Blow Dry if asked for a donation, so maybe you could downgrade it to that? If so, I would ring the school and say that you are very sorry that an error has been made and somebody donated the prize without asking you, but you are happy to do the alternative.

Then specify on the voucher that it is valid from January to June next year or something like that if you don't want them in over Christmas.

FlaviaAlbia · 18/10/2017 17:28

MaxPepsi's idea is good as a compromise with other posters ideas of making the T&C for the new year.

I'd ring the school and say you have no knowledge of this untill you were informed by friends. Since it's for a good cause you'll honour it this tim after new year but you'd wanted to let them know so it doesn't happen again?

I'd be worried about your so called friend causing bad publicity for your business.

MumsGoneToYonderLand · 18/10/2017 17:31

i think you need to decide if you want to lose a friend over this. CF yes but maybe she thought you would e fine with it. if it was me i would keep it but ensure that in further publicity they specify conditions e.g. 'cut n colour to be taken at same time during january 2018 on mondays - wednesdays.
or whatever suits.
look upon it as a way to get new clients and goodwill.
also definitely discuss with friend 1 so she knows it was not cool to make assumptions. maybe she pays half.

ItWentInMyEye · 18/10/2017 17:32

Wow! CF! Shock I agree with others, contact school and say you had no knowledge until you were shown a flyer, and therefore will downgrade it to a cut & blow dry out of goodwill.

strongasmeringue · 18/10/2017 17:34

I'd be texting NonF1 to say if she doesn't have a plan by 6:30 tonight you'll be contacting the school tomorrow and saying she has been donating things that don't belong to her plus all the good suggestions above.

nameusername · 18/10/2017 17:34

I hope after this fiasco, friend 1 will no longer be involved in the PTA or at least not involved in any major decision making process or events.I wouldn't trust her judgement at all after this.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 18/10/2017 17:34

I think you are going to have to contact the school directly. Friend 1 has already shown she is capable of bullshitting people so, for all you know, she either won't get you out of it at all or will do so in a way to make you look really bad.
Were I a member of the PTA I'd be really embarrassed and mortified to discover you'd been lied to. I can imagine the PTA would much rather keep local business owners happy and inside!

Willow2017 · 18/10/2017 17:34

Fizz
Op has tried that and now f1 is ignoring her.

Op you cant be accused of pulling out of something you were never in in the first place.

Tell the school first thing in the morning. This isnt your fault.