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Original poster

How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 15:59

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 19/10/2017 18:01

hop it gos ok op-you know her better than us obviously but why hasnt she aplogised so far or offered the money why wait till its all blown up

ditzy isnt th word-malicious more like

WelshMumof1 · 19/10/2017 18:04

Well first I would definitely inform the school because they need to know what she is offering things she doesn't own. She shouldn't be on the PTA if her idea of contributing is making other people do the work (without even asking them!). I would be raising your concern over being out of pocket when you have nothing to do with the school, and asking if they can reimburse you for it (assuming she's still refusing it).

If they don't reimburse you... as a small business owner I would be very worried about the bad publicity over this. I would personally honour it as flyers have already gone out - at the end of the day it might draw in some business to make the £30 out of pocket worth it. Give the winner a good experience and don't badmouth the school or PTA, just try to get them to share with their friends and you never know, it might end up being profitable. It's a shitty situation but I think it's better to make the most of it than have your business lose reputation.

But I'd be ditching your "friend" because what a shitty thing to do and what a terrible response. She's showing how much she values your business and you as a friend. Not at all. Absolutely ridiculous.

MagentaRocks · 19/10/2017 18:13

The thread has moved on welsh

Fabulousdahlink · 19/10/2017 18:14

Phone her and tell her you have'volunteered' her to do a two nights free babysitting service voucher as part of'your' donation to the school...

He hee hee mwaha ha ha ha

WoollyMollyMonkey · 19/10/2017 18:20

I think a 2 hour house clean plus deep oven clean voucher would be more appropriate Fabulous 😂😂

Pastorkidneys · 19/10/2017 18:43

Totally off topic, friend called round whilst I was cleaning my oven and she asked if i’d tried wet sandpaper. Well bugger me, works a treat! Was a bit dubious as it’s a brand new Neff oven, but I was amazed Shock used very fine grit, any one else know of this?

niklew · 19/10/2017 18:54

Your ‘friend’ has been really sly in doing this. She has put you in an awkward situation as if you say no makes you look bad even though you never agreed. Personally though I still think you should say no- if you agree once then it may be expected again- she cannot offer a freebie by someone else’s business! I’d say sorry I can not afford to offer free services especially without being consulted first....

Lovingit81 · 19/10/2017 19:08

She's not a friend, she's a knob head. Get out of the situation immediately. What a total idiot she is. I wouldn't give two hoots about publicity. But if you're that bothered, let the school know what's happened (so she looks awful) give the prize (claim your goodwill with the universe) and remove said knobhead from your life.

user1496604670 · 19/10/2017 19:55

Has this 'gone public' yet? If so, simply pulling out could damage your business by more than £30-45. So I think you need to be a bit more strategic about how you deal with this.

I think you should call F1 and explain to her in no uncertain terms that she is out of order. She needs to understand that philanthropy is a choice and is not something that should be forced upon people. I would tell her that you will honor the contribution, because if you don't it could harm your business, but demand that she immediately pay you £45. Tell her that, if she refuses, you will have no choice but to take the matter to the school. If she delays, and offers to pay you at a later date, tell her that is not an option.

If this has not yet 'gone public', I'd be inclined to go with zzzzz's response and leave it to the school to sort out.

TheDodgyEnd · 19/10/2017 20:00

User read the thread and then the new thread.

a1poshpaws · 19/10/2017 20:08

I'd do the suck-it-up option, otherwise you're going to lose at least one friend (though she mightn't be a miss if she's so cheeky!) and look really mean as well. I can see it nipping at your head, but getting out of it may cause all sorts of upset.

silky1985 · 19/10/2017 20:40

I know you friend was really rude to do this but to take it away from the school after its been added to the leaflet is a little mean on your part. I think you should talk to your friend about overstepping the mark and maybe covering the cost.

FaveNumberIs2 · 19/10/2017 20:46

Ring the school, explain that F1 was a little fucker and 'donated' a prize from you without your knowledge, and that the prize is unavailable. Also tell them that for future reference, you will be unable to donate anything in the future due to the demands of paying customers.

Message F1 with the following.

"I don't know who you think you are, but don't EVER donate MY services ever again. You crossed a line and our friendship is now at an end."

FaveNumberIs2 · 19/10/2017 20:47

If you give in because you don't want to look mean, then F1 will get away with it and will do it again, and the school will pester you for more prizes in the future!

Stand up for your rights, F1 has STOLEN from you!

thenovice · 19/10/2017 21:03

Definitely ring the school and say this must be an error as you have neither been asked or offered to provide this prize and that you would like it removed from the list of prizes. Don't mention it to your friend. Chances are she won't even know it's been cancelled, but if she does, so what!

Abbylee · 19/10/2017 21:26

I'm sorry but as a veteran of school fund raising, i think that you are stuck. This time.

Tell her NEVER do it again. But it may be good advertising.

Jux · 19/10/2017 21:43

960+ posts, but we certainly haven't moved on past the openng one. Oh no.

TheDodgyEnd · 19/10/2017 21:44

Exactly @Jux why can’t people read the bloody thread!

TheDodgyEnd · 19/10/2017 21:45

AND it’s nearly 500 posts in on the NEXT thread!

Willow2017 · 19/10/2017 22:56

Jux
😀😀😀

FairyFlake45 · 19/10/2017 23:02

Omg. What a cheek! She should have asked you firstly and maybe the free advertising could have swayed you, but to do that without asking means she must cover your costs as it is her who has offered this prize, not you. The fact that you don’t even have a child at that school makes it even more unreasonable. #notafriend

DJBaggySmallpox · 19/10/2017 23:03

Does anyone else sense an attempt at a Wendy?

pollymere · 19/10/2017 23:14

I've never heard of a cut and colour being a raffle prize! A cut maybe. If you're worried about adverse publicity, you could ring up and say the prize is actually a voucher worth x amount. Or point out to the school that no one has actually asked you for a prize and as you have no child at the school you're surprised that this prize has been offered! It's almost blackmail.

Jux · 19/10/2017 23:24

May I point you to my last post, polly?

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