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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 15:59

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 18/10/2017 16:34

Look, she shouldn't have done it. It's over the line.

However, school communities are small. If you ring up and retract the prize (which I know you didn't offer in the first place) then you are going to risk looking a bit mean, I fear. Word will get around unfortunately.

Can you put a time limit on the prize (a short one) With the hope that the person who wins may not take it up in the time allowed and may then use you for her hIr in the future. Not ideal, I know, but I think I'd be inclined to try to make the best of a bad situation.

Anecdoche · 18/10/2017 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeppyKestrel · 18/10/2017 16:36
Shock

CF indeed !

I would assume it was an honest mistake.... I.e. suggested as an idea to a committee , one member puts it on the flyer without checking that you have actually agreed. However...... I would go with zzzz suggestion. And speak to the school direct.

OnTheRise · 18/10/2017 16:36

Cut your friend out of the equation.

Speak to the school. Tell them you weren't asked about this, and you can't do it, and why on earth did they publicise this without checking with you first? Let them deal with it. They shouldn't have taken your friend's word for it without oking it with you.

SingingSeuss · 18/10/2017 16:38

You need to nip this in the bud if you don't who knows what you'll be signed up to for the Christmas raffle! Email the head cc'ing the PTA and explain that you did not give permission for the voucher and don't want any winners to be disappointed. Say that you are more than annoyed at not being consulted first and that it has made you less inclined to offer prizes in the future. Don't be guilted into this op.

grins · 18/10/2017 16:38

You've been friends a long time and she's clearly over-stepped. If you can afford it, I would honour prize but have some fairly blunt words with friends and also make it clear to the head of the PTA what has happened. If it really would be a struggle, I would talk to chair of PTA, explain the problem and ask for the PTA to cover the cost. It's v cheeky, mustn't happen again, but isn't worth blowing up a long term friendship for in my view.

diddl · 18/10/2017 16:39

I'd contact the school telling the that you know nothing about it & what are they going to do about it?

SilverSpot · 18/10/2017 16:41

Tell F1 she is a CF it that you will do this but it is her birthday and christmas pressie for the next 2 years. No gift, no meals out for her, no card.

Ishouldbedoingsomething · 18/10/2017 16:41

I would call the school to say you didn’t offer this as a prize and why is it on the flyer.

You can then agree with them (or not) whether to go ahead but then it comes from you and that they have to come to you directly in future (or not to contact you again) for any future raffles. Ask if they have rules in place to people stop donating prizes that are not theirs to donate... then go to the pta when they discuss this grin]

Willow2017 · 18/10/2017 16:41

Phone the school asao and tell them yiu just sern a flyer and its the first you have heard of your 'prize'. Tell them you are concerned that they accepted it from a third party without checking with you first.
Also tell them to send out notes in School bags explaining the situation and that the prize was unfortunately a hoax.

School will be horrified rhat they cocked up and furious with so called friend. She had no right to donate something that wasn't hets to give and worse take the credit for it.
Then tell F1 to do one.

Leeds2 · 18/10/2017 16:42

This sort of thing really pisses me off, and does need nipping in the bud now or it will happen time and time again.
Text your friend and tell her that unless she has given you £(whatever her promise will cost) by the end of the week, you will be contacting the head of the PTA and telling them that a mistake has been made. And if you don't actually have the money, do just that.

SootSprite · 18/10/2017 16:42

I’d tell the school in no uncertain terms that you know nothing about this and that it is NOT on offer, that your ‘friend’ has not consulted you about this at all. FFS, what is wrong with some people? 😡

Willow2017 · 18/10/2017 16:43

And I speak as ex pta member. We always had personal contact with companies who were asked for donations.

Floellabumbags · 18/10/2017 16:43

What have your other friends said about this? Surely they must be fairly annoyed too.

I'd contact the head of the PTA, maybe offer a £25 voucher as a gesture of goodwill but make it clear that you have not consented to this. The PTA will not want to upset local businesses from whom they're hoping to get donations.

Redglitter · 18/10/2017 16:44

Id contact the school and say you've just seen the flyer & are puzzled to see your prize listed as you've never offered it or been contacted by anyone asking for a donation.

elessar · 18/10/2017 16:44

If I was you I would tell friend that either she pays (and I’d do it for a discounted rate as it’s for a good cause, but not one which will put you out of pocket), or you will phone the school and explain the situation and ask them to cover the cost instead.

AlternativeTentacle · 18/10/2017 16:44

I'd contact the school and ask how on earth a donation got on their flyer without any contact from you.

toriatoriatoria · 18/10/2017 16:45

I'd call the school and explain the situation to them. If you don't say anything you're very much at risk of finding this situation repeating itself the next time the PTA need prizes.

JaniceBattersby · 18/10/2017 16:46

To those people saying the school should have checked first: when on earth does a headteacher have time to be phoning people who offer raffle prizes? They should be able to trust members of their PTA not to do ridiculous stuff like this. It's not the school's fault. I say this as a PTA member (although not one who would do something like this)

peterpan742 · 18/10/2017 16:46

I was volunteered by a friend twice a few years back.
The first time, she volunteered me to babysit someone elses kids. She said to a mutual friend who couldn't find a babysitter 'Peter will do it. She's got nothing else to do' - I pulled her up on it, told her how she is not to volunteer my time or services to anybody, ever and did not babysit the children in question.

The second time, she volunteered me to donate some money to a different mutual friend for a charity event she was doing (that I didn't know about!)
She told them 'Peters donating £50 to you. Said she'll pass it on once you've completed the event' - Got a message from others telling me how kind and generous I was to donate such a large sum. I donated a smaller, more affordable sum of money, had a go at said friend again and did not speak to her again.

teaandtoast · 18/10/2017 16:46

I would contact the school and explain that there's been a mistake - F1 must have got your salon name mixed up with the one that is offering the prize.

Ninabean17 · 18/10/2017 16:47

Call the school, OP. Soon, or she'll think shes got away with it. I agree maybe offer a lesser value voucher but make clear you hadn't agreed to this.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/10/2017 16:47

Shamelessly placemarking Smile

YouTheCat · 18/10/2017 16:49

Op doesn't have to do it at all. She hasn't agreed to it.

Just say there's been a mistake and you are unable to offer this.

Willow2017 · 18/10/2017 16:52

Its not the achools fault but it is a reflection on the school that one of their pta is giving away prizes without asking the person concerned first. Not something they want from their pta. They need to know about it and stamp it out now not find out from someone else at Xmas!