How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

"PTA said she will be having stern words with F1, I explained that wasnt necessary and F1 can be a bit ditzy at times"

Ah, it's easy to be a CF when there are no consequences.

on the second meeting confirmed that I had OK'd a service which would be a CC!

So not just cheeky but a cheeky liar now.

I know someone like CF (though haven't had much to do with her for years, nor will I due to her behaving just like this). In these circumstances, my ex-CF would quite simply refuse to admit there was a problem as you now are donating so what's the problem? She would take the same stance with thePTA - "what's the problem, you're getting an updo from KungFuSalon aren't you?"

That's why my ex-CF is ex.

Well that sounds like it’s worked out ok. I would have used different approach if F1 had offered to pay half but she didn’t

You've handled this brilliantly OP- well done for standing up for yourself

The problem is that having been let off the hook by the OP with the 'ditzy' comment, and the 'forgot to inform me', she will feel she can get away with this again.

I think OP that you have to make it crystal clear to F1, in words of one syllable, that she is never to do this again...so 'if you do this to me once more, I will rip you a new one'.

on one meeting she suggested my company might offer a service, on the second meeting confirmed that I had OK'd a service which would be a CC!

Holy fucking shit. OP you are a saint to be so nice about this! Sounds like it'll turn out OK, hopefully CF will learn her lesson not what normally happens though IME

PTA said she will be having stern words with F1, I explained that wasnt necessary and F1 can be a bit ditzy at times.

That is how cheeky fuckers get away with being cheeky fuckers! I would ha a let her have the stern word, tbh. She's totally taken the piss out of you!

KungFu Great update - I'm glad you got to speak directly to the PTA Chair and explain the situation and she got to explain how it had come about so that you have the full details of just how much of a CF your CF1 has been!

You were also very generous to give CF1 an out to the PTA Chair - you were well within your rights to just throw her under the bus and leave her to deal with the fallout of her actions but you took the highroad and very graciously advocated on her behalf with the PTA Chair. While I'm sure she will still have stern words with CF1 regardless, the fact you were so gracious and put in a good word will help her case.

Hopefully now that she's had a chance to reflect on her behaviour overnight, CF1 will realise how lucky she has been to be let off so lightly when she receives your message and will reply with a suitably apologetic message!

on one meeting she suggested my company might offer a service, on the second meeting confirmed that I had OK'd a service which would be a CC!
Good grief.

While I'm pleased that the PTA have listened to where you're coming from and graciously accepted the kind offer of an up-do instead of the CC that F1 had suggested (off her own bat it must be said), I do think you're letting F1 off the hook by suggesting that she got caught up in the moment and simply forgot to tell you that this was what was being offered as a prize. I do hope that the PTA have stern words with all their members that they cannot and should not offer prizes that are not theirs to offer.
The PTA will have to put steps in place, going forward, as a consequence of this matter to ensure that any prize has been volunteered with the full knowledge of the volunteer/business involved. This will take up a lot of time and could easily have been avoided.
If I were on that PTA, I'd be pissed as hell for the new set of circumstances that this behaviour by someone so eager to impress has caused.

I run a small business and give away quite a bit as raffle prizes, firstly because if the charity is one that I think does good works I don’t mind supporting it, and secondly because very often the person who wins it doesn’t claim it anyway (I run a baby swimming company).

I’d be fucking furious at my friend but I’d honour it, although I’d stipulate that it needs to be taken in the new year (and on a Wednesday or whatever if that was my quiet day).

If I won that I’d just have the cut, and I know plenty of people who wouldn’t want to go to a different hairdresser so especially if they run the raffle where you can’s choose the prize, it’s just allocated, I think the chances of you having to honour it are slim.

But that’s not the point at all. Your friend is a CF who should never ever do this again.

I think you handled this so well.
You have saved your friends face.
Got your point across.
Made sure your friend never does this again..

Well done.

Sorry Bit - wasn't try to teach my grandmother to suck eggs.

Does outright lying count as ditzy?

PTA might be having stern words anyway if they've any sense!

One thing I might have brought up with the PTA chair is that this situation could be a good example of why they need to change the way they "confirm" donations via word of mouth without any contact or confirmation from the actual service provider.

My DD's PTA ask anyone who is donating a service/voucher or large/perishable item - whether as an individual or as a business - to fill in a basic donation form with their contact details and the details of the donation offered. That way they have all the information like T&Cs and the specifics of wording etc and the donation form acts as a rudimentary "contract" for the service offered until they physically have the voucher/item in their possession (which may not be until the day of the event if it's something like a cake or hamper of baked goods)

"Ditzy" is when she calls you up in a panic saying she got carried away and is there any chance you could do this, she'd pay you something towards it for your time and materials. Ditsy is not "well it's done now, suck it up princess" and then refusing to return messages.

Op you shod have not told PTA not to worry, orcCF will carry on doing the same thing all the time.

If you don't want the PTA chair to know F1 wasn't being ditzy at all and outright lied to win favour, then you need to get this thread pulled before the DailyFail picks it up or some other rag.

And F1 needs to be told in very explicit terms that her behaviour was unacceptable, will not be acceptable in future, and that you have still kindly allowed her to 'save face' with the PTA by labelling it a ditzy oversight rather than telling them what really happened.

Your friend owes you an apology and a thank you.

Why are you still trying to protect her as being 'dizzy' when she is a complete liar who put you in a awkward spot and has embarrassed the PTA and is swanning off with no fall out?

She was not dizzy. She just lied and expected you not to rock the boat.

She doesn't think she has done anything wrong but that you have and was standing her ground.

I do wonder if you think back just how many things you really have let go.

Aah..no wonder GGT took the brazen initiative to 'donate' OP's services. She's already honed the 'ditzy' getaway act with no repurcussions with perfection and a bonus excuse on top ie SAHM card. A bit like Boris Johnson 'bumbling fool act'.

Like rocking up last minute before the salon closes for a quick W&B/Updo and paid mates rates or nothing. But i was ok with that because like I said further up they all pay it back in a round about way. I hope it was a posh bottle of wine and once in a while fancy dinner.

SchadenfreudePersonified now you're calling me old!

Mo worries. That's what it looks like. But I'm only using one I promise.

Well she's cheeky and a liar!

Bit