To think friend should pay for hotel?

[Misspollyhadadolly88]

So, I have two best friends, one whom I've been friends with for 20 years and one who I've been friends with for 10 years. Both get on really well. They're both married and have children. I'm going to be 30 early next year and I've decided to have a big birthday party. I've had a really
Difficult year and I'm really excited to have something to focus on.
Friend of ten years contacted me and friend of twenty years and suggested that the three of us book a hotel to get ready in together and go back to after the party (both husbands have said they will stay home
With children!)
We were all in agreement. Friend of ten years has found a lovely hotel which would work out at £70 each including breakfast for the night. It's a room with two double beds.
Friend of 20 years sent me a text last night saying "£70 each!!! Can we not find something cheaper. I'm not paying heat babe!"
For some history. She constantly moans about money, wants everything cheaper and refuses to spend money on things. Husband has a great job and they own two houses. She's is sSAHM but has always been like this.
I just feel really
Disappointed. Over the years for her I've organised

• surprise 21st
• engagement party
• hen
• wedding (bridesmaid)
• baby shower x2
• bought first baby's cot!
• presents for kids xmas and birthdays
• was a princess at daughters birthday!
• presents for her xmas and birthday

-weekend away for her 30th I don't think it's like for like and I don't expect the same back but I'm a little bit annoyed. Aibu?

It’s a bit much considering someone will be sharing a bed.

You're a good friend

A good friend takes their friends as they are. They don't expect them to be someone else, or to do things they don't want to do.

I think that 70 each to share a room and possibly a bed, is quite a lot also. If it's in central london, surely you can find better than that?

I stayed in central London last Friday night. Two mins walk from Tower Hill tube, could see Tower of London from my window. A single room, queen sized bed, breakfast, swimming pool, whirl pool, sauna, steam room, aromatherapy room was 82 pounds.

www.grangehotels.com/hotels-london/grange-city/about-this-hotel/

There are a lot of people on here who I wouldn't want as my friends!

OP, you sound lovely. The relationship sounds very one sided. I think most people on MN are super insular with their 'little families' (DH, children) and can't fathom that friendships require effort on both sides, and sometimes some sacrifice.

I would probably say something like "OK, think me and [other friend] will just book a twin room then if you're not up for the hotel room. Guess you can still meet us there to get ready? Bit of a shame actually, I was really looking forward to spending a bit of time with you and making a weekend of it - the rest of the night it is going to be pretty cheap considering I'm putting on the food and drinks. Your taxi home is probably going to be nearly the price of the hotel!"

@VenusOfWillendorf thats a steal! Nice looking hotel.

Thats really expensive. Fh and I go to the theatre in London a lot and I'm quite particular about making sure hotels are clean with good reviews. I wouldn't pay that much.

Okay, I take everyone's point. I think I was jut upset. I'm going to send a message which essentially says
"Absolutely no problem, looking forward to having a lovely night with you"

Are you going to invite her to still get ready with you at the hotel? I would.
@SilverSpot that's a really passive aggressive message, don't send her a message trying to guilt trip her op. Accept her decision

She doesn't just have an opinion though, does she? She wants OP to change her plans to fit around her. And everything OP says fits to that narrative rather than yours that the OP is some kind of unreasonable nightmare (that by the way goes out of her way to organise loads of things for this friend and travel around the world to see her). But I know how these things go inAIBU you will keep arguing with me that your story that you pretzel the facts to fit, is more likely (the poor friend is married to some financial controller, is desperate to come if only it fitted her budget and is incredibly sensitive to her feelings) and I can't be bothered to engage further with you.

OP if you and your other friend can afford the room between you, go for it! If you feel uncomfortable about her paying out that much, you could make that your birthday present? Just be breezy about it with poor downtrodden friend and tell her you'll have a great time together at the party but you've set your heart on this treat.

It's emotional blackmail to say you've set your heart on this treat, really bad advice @Sketchily

How is it emotional blackmail to do what you want to do?

She doesn't just have an opinion though, does she? She wants OP to change her plans to fit around her

She does. In her opinion its too expensive. OP doesn't need to change anything. There is room for everyone to do as they want without trying to force anyone into anything. Friend can say no thanks, its too much and OP can say, no bother, we'll do it without you.

that's friendship. Flexibiity, give and take, meeting people where they are. Not expectations and demands and you must do X or you are not my friend.

Well funnily enough that's exactly what I suggested.

Telling friend you'd set your heart on it would be emotional blackmail as it's designed to use emotions 'set your heart' to persuade friend to change her mind. Much more adult to say fine, you're welcome to come and get changes with us at the hotel.

yeah but you had a bad attitude about it.

No I don't think they should pay for your share of the hotel room. But you are quite within your rights to say sorry you can't afford this at the moment but nice idea.

Friend has not in any way asked the op to change her plans.

Your message is a bit ambiguous and could be interpreted as you will pay for her hotel stay.

YANBU and she does sound a bit tight and reluctant to reciprocate. You've clearly spent a small fortune on her celebrations over the years. Say you are sorry she isn't able to do the hotel and hope she will enjoy the party anyway. Maybe a joke about missing a full English the next morning.

She will change her mind, I guarantee. If she starts sending links to other hotels ignore.

You might be able to afford to do these things because you don't have children especially when Christmas is coming up it's an expensive time for a parent. I was abit when you listed what you done you do things because you want to and choose to. She's at sahm and that takes priority over spending money she doesn't have on a hotel room aswell as the night it's self. she isn't free to have the same freedom you have. You handle this by accepting her decision. Thankgodness my friends who don't have dc are completely understanding that I don't have as much disposable income and I'm limited in doing certain things.

Theres no way I would share a hotel room with two people for £70 either! I don't think she's being at all unreasonable asking for somewhere cheaper

£70 to share? £210 for a room? SERIOUSLY ???
You can stay in a holiday inn for £25-£45.
4 of us stayed in Budapest in an Air bnb for £44 per night, that's £11 each. Beautiful.

I'm with her.

It’s not necessarily simply about the money but maybe what it’s being spent on. Lots of people can justify spending money on one thing and not another. I’d never spend £700 on a handbag but I have it available to me if I wanted.

@2014newme I don't think it is passive aggressive - it accepts her decision (book a twin room), expresses disappointment (which is a fair thing to do) but asks her to still meet and join in the getting ready (mitigating the lost 'buddy' time). And also reminds her that the rest of the night is going to be cheap. Which again, is fair enough to do given she is moaning about cost.

Friend has not in any way asked the op to change her plans.

Yes she has! She wants the OP to find a cheaper hotel. Might have thought better of her if she actually put forward a suggestion like "hey, thats a bit expensive for me - what about this amazing room which includes a yummy breakfast and has a pool for £40 each?" But no, just a negative ninny.

£70 to share a room and possible to share a bed. I would not do that. I'd much rather stay home.

210 for a night in a hotel is a lot esp if sharing beds as well

if friend doesnt want to do/pay her share , then maybe see if can get room with one bed and you and other friend share that for less money

yes its london but 70pp seesma lot to share a bed