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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend should pay for hotel?

194 replies

Misspollyhadadolly88 · 18/10/2017 08:59

So, I have two best friends, one whom I've been friends with for 20 years and one who I've been friends with for 10 years. Both get on really well. They're both married and have children. I'm going to be 30 early next year and I've decided to have a big birthday party. I've had a really
Difficult year and I'm really excited to have something to focus on.
Friend of ten years contacted me and friend of twenty years and suggested that the three of us book a hotel to get ready in together and go back to after the party (both husbands have said they will stay home
With children!)
We were all in agreement. Friend of ten years has found a lovely hotel which would work out at £70 each including breakfast for the night. It's a room with two double beds.
Friend of 20 years sent me a text last night saying "£70 each!!! Can we not find something cheaper. I'm not paying heat babe!"
For some history. She constantly moans about money, wants everything cheaper and refuses to spend money on things. Husband has a great job and they own two houses. She's is sSAHM but has always been like this.
I just feel really
Disappointed. Over the years for her I've organised

  • surprise 21st
  • engagement party
  • hen
  • wedding (bridesmaid)
  • baby shower x2
  • bought first baby's cot!
  • presents for kids xmas and birthdays
  • was a princess at daughters birthday!
  • presents for her xmas and birthday
-weekend away for her 30th I don't think it's like for like and I don't expect the same back but I'm a little bit annoyed. Aibu?
OP posts:
dustarr73 · 18/10/2017 09:38

I too don't understand why you're even booking a hotel for a night when you aren't going to be there as you'll be at the party. Book it fir another night when you can hang out there and enjoy the facilities

Maybe they want to have a drink and get dressed in peace.And wake up to a lovely breakfast already made.

I think in this case op,youve realised what you do for her.But it seems to be a one way street..Maybe tell her you just see her at the party. And maybe pull back a bit from her.

user1499333856 · 18/10/2017 09:40

I do have to say that I wouldn't want to share a bed for that price. One of you will have to share, right?

May be just me but I think you could ask her to look for an alternative or tell her to make plans she is comfortable with.

ButchyRestingFace · 18/10/2017 09:42

I think YABU. That is quite steep for a shared room in a hotel and you know your friend is as tight as a badger's arse.

Do you know what her husband's like about her spending money? You say she's a SAMH and he's the worker bee. Maybe he bends her ear when she spends any money?

Having said that, that is some laundry list of stuff you've done for her. Has she reciprocated in kind over the years or is this all one way traffic?

MissFlashpants · 18/10/2017 09:42

There would never be a room cheap enough that would make me share a room with anyone. I refused a work trip once because I was expected to share a room with a colleague. Hmm

Have an honest chat with her. If it’s money and she’s important to you, you can find somewhere cheaper. Maybe she just doesn’t want to do it. In which case, it’s up to her.

5rivers7hills · 18/10/2017 09:43

I too don't understand why you're even booking a hotel for a night when you aren't going to be there as you'll be at the party. Book it fir another night when you can hang out there and enjoy the facilities

Check in in the afternoon, get ready in nice surroundings, have a drink, chat, have a late lunch/early dinner - then go out and come home to a lovely comfy bed and a nice breakfast in the morning with no kids wanting attention at 6am.

MeT00 · 18/10/2017 09:45

I'd rather pay more and have a room to myself.

RockinHippy · 18/10/2017 09:46

I’m afraid I agree with your friend. That is a lot for one nights stay in a hotel room, especially as it’s more a place to put your head after your party than a break to enjoy the facilities. Personally I would have ran this passed them first & wouldn’t have been upset at all, if one or both weren’t keen on the price

HelloSunshine11 · 18/10/2017 09:46

I also think that's a lot of money on top of what's already likely to be an expensive night out. My H has a good job (as do I) and we have two properties but I would definitely have to think twice before agreeing to that sort of expenditure. I think YAB a bit U tbh. Can't you get a cheaper hotel? Ask her how much she's prepared to spend on it before you throw your toys out of the pram with her.

HotelEuphoria · 18/10/2017 09:48

I think £210 a lot for a room too, especially when two of you are going to have to double up in a bed and all three share a room. £70 each for somewhere to get ready then top and then sleep in afterwards?

GrumpyOldBag · 18/10/2017 09:49

I'd rather pay £70 to stay in a Premier Inn and not have to share a room.

NewDaddie · 18/10/2017 09:52

210 is steep but not extortionate. But also the friend might not be a user if they are just very thrifty.

I have family and friends who are kind and genuine in their own way but they just have a different outlook on spending. They will accept expensive gifts but they won’t give them. The thing is that they would also happily accept cheap gifts too.

YAB a bit U

AndrewJames · 18/10/2017 09:56

I'm with your friend. 210 pounds for a room? I wouldn't be happy with 70 quid for half a bed/third of a room with breakfast.

YABU.

Butterymuffin · 18/10/2017 09:56

For £210 I would expect a bed for each of you. It's not the price so much as the type of room. I agree with pp saying book a Premier Inn and you'll get a room each for that. Look for a better/cheaper room setup and then ask her once more - if she then won't go for it, do what the second post on the thread said.

KrytensNanobots · 18/10/2017 10:00

Sorry, but £70 EACH just for one hotel room for the night is a lot of money so I can see her point! That's just the hotel room to get ready in, so not including drinks as you get ready, drinks when out, food, taxis, maybe new dress etc...
Surely if you want a nice night out with your friends, a more reasonably priced hotel (but still nice) would be better? Surely there's loads of great ones out there less than £210 a night!

GabsAlot · 18/10/2017 10:02

it dos seem off but that hotel is expensive

w went to a b and b for my dsis hen 35 each lovely breakfat didnt hav to be posh to have fun

Taylor22 · 18/10/2017 10:06

That's a ridiculous price!
And just because she may have the money doesn't mean she wants to piss it away pointlessly.

I would want to spend that!

whiskyowl · 18/10/2017 10:08

Jesus, she's not much of a mate is she? She's rolling in it, but not willing to spend £70 on a special night out for a really close mate!

I would say "Sorry you can't make it, maybe we can do something cheaper to celebrate with just the two of us like buying dinner out of a vending machine and eating it in the park"

People shouldn't prioritise their own wealth so much that they can't sometimes be generous to friends, it's just MEAN.

KrytensNanobots · 18/10/2017 10:10

Jesus, she's not much of a mate is she? She's rolling in it,

How the heck do you know that? Do you know her personal circumstances? Confused
Just because they have what seems like a good wage doesn't mean they have loads of disposable cash. Could have big bills/mortgage to pay.

HelloSunshine11 · 18/10/2017 10:11

Whiskeyowl, who says she's rolling in it?! She's a SAHM with what sounds like a high level of outgoings - how do you know what her access to disposable cash is like?!

2014newme · 18/10/2017 10:13

How is she rolling in it?

whiskyowl · 18/10/2017 10:14

"Husband has a great job and they own two houses". She's minted.

She could maybe think about owning just one home and being a nice person instead.

QueenUnicorn · 18/10/2017 10:16

That is a lot for a hotel room to get dressed in. I'd look for a cheaper hotel, it's not like you'll really spend much time there.
Even if she does have the £70, that doesn't mean she wants to spend it on one hotel stay. She probably has plenty of money because she doesn't waste it.

maddiemookins16mum · 18/10/2017 10:17

I suspect they are not as minted as you think OP.
Compromise and find a cheaper hotel.

2014newme · 18/10/2017 10:17

A grey job does not necessarily mean a hugely well paid job. They could be mortgaged to the hilt or have expensive repairs or a tenant that isn't paying rent or be saving to buy a third property, or a fourth. They sound canny with money.

JaneEyre70 · 18/10/2017 10:20

I'd be a bit put out to be honest if I was having to get a party outfit, pay for drinks and travel etc, buy a gift and then stump out £70 for a hotel room.......no matter how good the friend was. Perhaps you need to say that the time you are spending together will be your gift and you don't expect an actual present? See if that helps. She's not going to admit if she's having a hard time affording it. Or can the two of you afford to just pay for her?

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