To leave my DD1 (aged 8, year 4, while I chauffeur DD2 to Rainbows?

[Mittens1969]

A bit of background. I take both DDs in the car when it’s time for DD2 (5) to go to Rainbows. DD1 has said a few times that she’d like to stay at home whilst I take DD2 in the car. WIBU to leave her at home? I’m out of the house for 15/20 minutes at the most.

I haven’t done it yet, but I’m wondering if she’s old enough to be left at home alone if she hasn’t finished her tea or is watching a TV programme that she doesn’t want to miss?

I suppose it’s more of a WWYD, for those of you who have a child of a similar age?

Its not making them grow up so quickly through but it is preparing them for when they are adults, bit by bit, which is what every parent should be doing in all aspects of their lives. Theres plenty of tiime for play, but thats not the only thing thats important. I find it astonishing how many people are risk adverse to the extreme, but with no clear idea of why or what those risks are, apart from, they're too young, its too dark, that kind of thing.

Personally think it's more dangerous to not do this in stages. One of dds pals was unnecessarily cotton wool led by worried parents and then suddenly had to get to secondary- getting to school has been a right old fuss for her. All the other kids who had been given more responsibility gradually were fine. The family are taking a rather different approach with their younger child...

Its not making them grow up so quickly through but it is preparing them for when they are adults,

Exactly... we do our children no good by babying them too long. And we're leaving an 8 yo for a few minutes not send them down the mines!

My daughter wasn't left alone at 8, from 10 onwards in small time frames. At 11 she was gently introduced to the bus and the journey over the summer and she handled it confidently and with ease. Now at 14 she looks after her 11 year old sister when I work and is a confident young lady out and about on her own. I didn't start this at 8 because I felt she was too young and waiting till age ten was right for her. She certainly isn't wrapped in cotton wool and is not fearful of using public transport at all. Waiting a few years in my opinion has not held her back at all

Well I shan't be dragging my newly 9 year old round the neighbourhood as a result of this this thread she would be extremely (and when she asks "but why" my answers sound deranged...)

What I have seen with DD1 is that she’s shown herself to thrive when given responsibilities. I’ve been late letting her do things for herself because she acted like she couldn’t do them. But when I’ve left her to get on with things she’s been more than capable.

I hardly ever hear her say the words ‘I can’t do it’ anymore.

I think it will be best if we start by making sure she can make calls, either to Mummy or Daddy, or the emergency services (we’ve shown how to make 999 calls, and what to say once she’s connected; hopefully she’ll never need to for real). What I’m not sure about at all is, how will she respond if there’s an actual emergency. We have friendships with several close neighbours, though, so she would think to go over to their house, I’m sure.

But for the moment, I think I’d rather not place her in a situation where she might be afraid. So I’ll leave it until she turns 9 and then review it again. Something to look forward to for her!

I would. If you have a crash, you phone and tell them you are delayed, or phone someone else to go and be with them. If nyou have a bad crash you shoulkd be thankful they are safe at home. If there is a fire you teach them to leave the house and call 999. There are some war ravished parts of the world where 8 year olds are raising many younger siblings. They will only learn to be responsible if you teach them. I would never have left a child who did not want to be left but if she is keen I would go with that. Maybe pop out for a 10 minute walk a few times and see what she actually feels like with you not there.

Although a friend earnestly coached her 8 year old DS as to what to do if she collapsed and after the talk, said, right so just to confirm, what would you do if mummy collapsed. After a pause to consider the answer was "I would go on the ipad"

Exactly... we do our children no good by babying them too long.

Well my eldest 2 have done alright out of being ‘babied’

DD17 has a hobby that sees her travel the county alone, and is off to join the forces in 2 years.

DS15 has a hobby that sees him travel to cities 100 miles away, although he always comes home at night where as DD17 stays in hotels.

Neither were left home alone when they were 8. In fact I probably left it later than most to leave them to their own devices, mainly because DH and I worked opposite shifts so here was always a parent home. It hasn’t hindered them at all.

Well if people feel their children aren't ready at 8 then they should wait and take them with them when they go out. For those whose children are ready, then there is no problem leaving them either, based on a risk assessment on the individual child and their ability. Everyone progesses at different rates. Although statements such as being too young without identfying why, or its dark dont really form a valid part of a risk assessment. But the individual childs maturity and ability to follow the rules does influence the decision whether or not they are ready to be left.

Well, my DD (9) is absolutely more than fine on her own.

She wouldn't cook and I don't drive, but I don't really see the issue. I suppose damage limitation. But really? At nearly 10?

But at 8 I certainly popped to the shops for 5 mins.

By 10 they're fine.

Asked my mate (policeman) this question and this was the answer he gave

No, it’s only if you neglected him I.e he had to cook his lunch or bath himself or if he would be at risk from a fire in the house etc. If he is sat playing then no problem.

But surely they are ALWAYS at risk from a fire in the house!!! Our tumble drier caught on fire when I was 2 feet away from it!
There’s no way even if you didn’t have high risk items on that you could say for certain they weren’t at risk, also if your property is attached to another you can never say that that household is risk free.

But surely they are ALWAYS at risk from a fire in the house!!!

He's probably referring to an open fire or something similar where the risk is greater.

Our tumble drier caught on fire when I was 2 feet away from it!

I never leave the tumble dryer running when I'm out. Its a fire hazard. I wouldnt leave it on with the children here alone either.
Do you leave it on and go out?

I wouldn't, especially not still eating her tea...

if your property is attached to another you can never say that that household is risk free.

Its possible, but rare and relatively unlikely. Its not a regular occurance that happens across the uk on a daily basis where you're taken out by the neighbours. And that could also happen, if its going to, when you're all sleeping. Its about sensible risk planning. Unless your neighbours have given you reason to be concerned about them. You cant plan for everything, like, ermm being in a car accident, or a plane crashing into the house. We'd never do anything ever with that strategy. And life would be sad and dull if we were so risk adverse that we never did anything.

I wouldn't, especially not still eating her tea...

I make sure mine have finished eating before going out. Again, risk assessment.

I left my son from about 9 and a half years old for this sort of thing. I don't think I'dsave my 8 year old. The legalities are very sketchy. Not actually illegal unless something goes wrong. My concern is something happening to me/us while out and my child not knowing what to do but you don't want to worry them too much.

Once I left my 8 year old at home on her own for 5 minutes whilst I walked our neighbours child home a few doors down our road. She was fine. She’s 10 now and on a couple of occasions she stayed at home by herself for about 15-20 minutes when I needed to pop to the shop

Commanderdaisy not surprised older one not keen to be without a sitter at night, sounds like he's nervous about possibility of flying arrows! ☺

I absolutely would and have!

I remember reading an article years ago by a German mother saying that it was standard practise to leave 6-yr-olds at home while you nip out to post a letter or similar, then build up from there. She was shocked by the difference here. My two eldest were walking 20mins to school, crossing busy roads from the summer term of year 4. My youngest- aged 6- wants to do it now!

I wouldn't

Definitely not! It's also illegal