To leave my DD1 (aged 8, year 4, while I chauffeur DD2 to Rainbows?

[Mittens1969]

A bit of background. I take both DDs in the car when it’s time for DD2 (5) to go to Rainbows. DD1 has said a few times that she’d like to stay at home whilst I take DD2 in the car. WIBU to leave her at home? I’m out of the house for 15/20 minutes at the most.

I haven’t done it yet, but I’m wondering if she’s old enough to be left at home alone if she hasn’t finished her tea or is watching a TV programme that she doesn’t want to miss?

I suppose it’s more of a WWYD, for those of you who have a child of a similar age?

I don't think that's true Dancing

From theROSPA website. "More than two million children under the age of 15 experience accidents in and around the home every year, for which they are taken to accident and emergency units. Many more are treated by GPs."

I can't find any statistics in accidents outside the home, but I susie t it's a lot less than those inside the home.

*suspect

Granted, the danger from strangers is lower than the risk of traffic, which isn't particularly low, depending on where you live of course.

^"More than two million children under the age of 15 experience accidents in and around the home every year, for which they are taken to accident and emergency units.
Many more are treated by GPs."^

I think that needs breaking down more though, ie age groups, my children when younger had more accidents, and the fact that potentially children spend more time overall at home than out, then there would be more accidents at home. If that makes sense.

8 too young especially in the dark in the winter. At 10 or 11 ok depending on child but 8 a bit too young.
My DD said they got some guidance in year 6 and I am sure she said no more than half an hour on own if they were happy with it.
DD is 12 and she is left on her own for an hour after school three nights a week I work 5 minutes walk away and I get her to phone me when she is home and I am only a phone call away.

Intrigued that the majority view seems to be that it was reasonable to let an 8yo walk to an isolated park and play unsupervised for an hour when I asked but unreasonable to leave them in the home for 20 mins unsupervised here... Doesn't make logical sense to me.

I leave my 10yo for 20 mins when I walk to pick up my 8yo from Brownies. I wouldn't yet leave my 8yo for longer than to pop to the shop round the corner.

8 too young especially in the dark in the winter. At 10 or 11 ok depending on child but 8 a bit too young.

It really depends on the child though doesn't it. Some 8 year olds are too young. Some, like mine, were / are not too young. Some 11 year olds are fine with the responsibility. Some really are not.

Intrigued that the majority view seems to be that it was reasonable to let an 8yo walk to an isolated park and play unsupervised for an hour when I asked but unreasonable to leave them in the home for 20 mins

I guess it depends where people live. I wouldnt let mine walk to the park but it is quite a distance. But I would leave them at home.

"In the dark in winter" do most people not have, you know, electric lights?! The kid is not being left under a hedge in the garden, but on a sofa in a sitting room presumably with all the "mod cons" of lights and everything....

Lol. I have said throughout the thread that I think 8 is too young but I am interested to know why the dark or winter thing is relevant?

It's dark by 3 o'clock over here in the winter, up north it's dark all the time (polar night)! Would be impossible to live normally if you let 'the dark' change how you live or parent! It'll be dark in the mornings when DD walks to school spoon, I'll be giving her a torch rather than freak out about it

I would be interested to hear how leaving a child of 8 home alone is a step towards travelling alone on a bus

Because suddenly expecting a child to assume responsibility when they've had none previous is not parenting imo, and increases the risk that many seem so keen to eliminate entirely!

In the UK, it is generally expected that it is reasonable for a secondary age pupil to get themselves to school... I did despite having a rather over-protective mother..... If you expect an 11 yo child to walk unsupervised to a bus stop crossing potentially busy roads, wait at a bus stop without adult supervision, get on a bus with all manner of strangers, and then alight at the correct stop and complete their journey, all within the dark within a couple of months of starting the new term, then its madness and utterly irresponsible to expect them to cope with this if they've never so much have spent 5 minutes independently.

They need to work up to this.... a 20 minute period watching tv in a secure home, with a phone next to them, while you pop a mile away to drop off a sibling is part of this development. I think 8 is about right for this, assuming you can trust your child (and I accept there will be parents who cannot at that age), allowing them to progress and having steadily more responsibility at ages 9 and 10 (walking to local primary on their own, being left for slightly longer periods) before they reach secondary.

It's knowing that as a parent you need to let go gradually, and that molly coddling them, and then suddenly exposing them to the world is irresponsible parenting.

.... not good parenting

Someone mentioned an 8yo shouldn't be in a situation where they have to deal with an emergency, I disagree as anything could happen to anyone at anytime.

My partner has type 1 diabetes, we are going to have to teach our daughter from a young age how to deal with the situation incase anything happens if I am out/at work etc.

"More than two million children under the age of 15 experience accidents in and around the home every year, for which they are taken to accident and emergency units.*

And how many of those accidents comprise trustworthy children of 8 and above left in front of a tv for 15-20 minutes?..... virtually none I'm sure.

Most will be young children... no one is suggesting leaving those alone. Most of the rest will be older children engaging in 'risky' activities... either alone such as trampolining, or with others such as rough horseplay. I wouldn't leave a child at home alone if I couldn't trust him or her to be sensible. For instance i wouldn't leave my 6 yo son who loves jumping off furniture and generally leaping about given half a chance.

I'm pretty sure that, minute for minute, sitting in front of a tv is far less risky than driving somewhere..... yet some people seem to believe they are invulnerable and that if they have their children with them on a journey, the risk disappears as they magically protect them from all harm by their mere presence!

Because suddenly expecting a child to assume responsibility when they've had none previous is not parenting imo,

Leaving an 8yo home alone isn’t parenting imo.

We all see things differently. I’m just struggling to understand what responsibilities an 8yo child is learning whilst being told ‘don’t move from that screen until I come back’ over taking on some households tasks whilst safely supervised. Because that is how we teach independence, not by leaving them and hoping they don’t move from the TV set

My partner has type 1 diabetes, we are going to have to teach our daughter from a young age how to deal with the situation incase anything happens if I am out/at work etc.

I would agree, but that doesn’t mean that every 8yo should be left to potentially deal with emergencies. Of course your partners medical needs mean you would teach your child how to cope.

@migraleve I wasn't meaning they should. Just showing an example of how they could be in an emergency situation even with an adult present.

Oh right. Well I’m sure we all know that’s a possibility. My point throughout was about needlessly putting them in that position alone.

I know. I wouldn't put her in a situation where shed be in an emergency alone. But then she is only 11 months old so I don't need to worry about it for a while

what responsibilities an 8yo child is learning whilst being told ‘don’t move from that screen until I come back’

Did anyone actually say that?? I didnt see anyone say that. The child deciding not to move from the TV is different. I don't say that to my children. Although what that responsibility gives them is self confidence. Not the only way to get self confidence, there are of course many, but the value its given to my childrens confidence because they are trusted is significant.

Migraleve

As DancingDragon said, it's more about building confidence than anything else... and yes, the level of responsibility is low but children need to start somewhere.

Also, I'm suggesting leaving an 8 yo for no more than 20 minutes, in a well controlled situation where i am not far away and am contactable. I get some people may not draw the line in precisely this place but assuming firstly, that you do expect a secondary age child to be responsible for travelling to and from school independently and, secondly, you shouldn't drop the child in at the deep end at age 11 in expecting this from them having given zero responsibility before, then I'm struggling to see why some people think I'm being so incredibly irresponsible! Unless that is you disagree with these two assumptions.

coco At 11 or 12 that is half the 8 year olds life again. I dint know why you continue to compare an 8 year old to an 11 or 12 year old. By your reckoning, just may as well leave a a 4 year old alone to make then responsible enough to be left at 8. Why are you making young children grow up so quickly? There's just no need.

Totally agree with coco. It's a sliding scale, leave alone for short periods, say 8 upwards, errands alone on the cul de sac, walk to local shops with pal, be taken into town but "go off" with friend, walk the 1.5 miles to secondary. That was dd 8-11 trajectory of gradually letting go.

Better than never leave child - walk to secondary alone.

Through

Aside from whether 11 is half as much again as 8, there is a gigantic difference between being left for 20 minutes in a safe house whilst you pop down the road, and negotiating a school journey on public transport. Responsible parenting recognises this and the need to incrementally develop confidence, and doesn't become neurotic about negligible levels of risk, (which in turn risks breeding the same suffocating anxiety in the child in later life).

Never leaving your child for a second before the age of 11, and then expecting them to deal with the step change of secondary school is where the real irresponsibility lies, that will be far more likely to have an adverse impact on a child than the minuscule possibility you child will break a leg falling down the stairs in the 20 minutes you're away (which of course you'd deal with when your back a few minutes later).

I think 8 is about right to start this if the child is sensible. Some may think that's a bit young and think 9 or 10 depending on thei child.... but I take issue with those who think i have been irresponsible and neglectful!