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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave my DD1 (aged 8, year 4, while I chauffeur DD2 to Rainbows?

318 replies

Mittens1969 · 16/10/2017 23:43

A bit of background. I take both DDs in the car when it’s time for DD2 (5) to go to Rainbows. DD1 has said a few times that she’d like to stay at home whilst I take DD2 in the car. WIBU to leave her at home? I’m out of the house for 15/20 minutes at the most.

I haven’t done it yet, but I’m wondering if she’s old enough to be left at home alone if she hasn’t finished her tea or is watching a TV programme that she doesn’t want to miss?

I suppose it’s more of a WWYD, for those of you who have a child of a similar age?

OP posts:
Srush86 · 19/10/2017 18:42

Just looked at government website and it states that there is no law on age. And the advice it’s gives is children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for long periods of time, children under 16 shouldn’t be left alone over night and babies, toddlers and young children shouldn’t be left at all.

2014newme · 19/10/2017 18:47

^yes we all know that

Natsku · 19/10/2017 18:55

Under 16 shouldn't be left alone overnight but at 16 they can legally move out - seems a bit too close to draw that line!

Srush86 · 19/10/2017 19:10

Well I’m just saying what i read on the website. Why does everyone on this site get so bitchy to one another

Lethaldrizzle · 19/10/2017 19:16

8 years old is plenty old enough to be left for short periods of time

Mittens1969 · 19/10/2017 19:29

This isn’t bitchy, Srush86, it’s just a robust debate. There haven’t been any deleted posts or interventions from MNHQ. Hmm

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 19/10/2017 19:30

This isn’t bitchy, Srush86, it’s just a robust debate. There haven’t been any deleted posts or interventions from MNHQ. Hmm

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 19/10/2017 19:30

I don’t know how I ended up posting that twice. Grin

OP posts:
Natsku · 19/10/2017 19:35

Not trying to be bitchy, just genuinely bemused by the idea that under 16s should never be left alone overnight but its fine for them to move out the day they turn 16, its quite ridiculous when you think about it.

Srush86 · 19/10/2017 19:50

Just like there’s limits on drinking, smoking, driving the list goes on.
The reason I implied it was bitchy was I took to mumsnet with good intentions. As I don’t get out much to talk to other parents etc.
The posts I seem to see all the time aren’t helpful or advice it’s just people trying to shame one another.
If mothers helped each other more rather than trying to outdo on another we’d all be better off

Mittens1969 · 19/10/2017 19:54

I know what you mean, Srush86, but this is AIBU, and that’s what happens. Other sections of mumsnet are more supportive.

OP posts:
Srush86 · 19/10/2017 20:20

So am I being unreasonable? Give ur opinion then people don’t just disagree? They make unnecessary remarks.

Natsku · 19/10/2017 20:25

But learning how to handle living on your own takes time and practice so that's why its ridiculous to have that line drawn where it is, its not comparable to smoking or drinking as neither of those are things you have to do eventually or things you need to learn how to do. Driving a car is more comparable because you go through lessons and a test before you're allowed to just drive by yourself.

Mittens1969 · 19/10/2017 20:33

Maybe I’ve simply got used to it, I haven’t found this thread particularly bitchy compared to others I’ve been on.

OP posts:
Scoleah · 19/10/2017 20:57

No from me!
I have an 8 year old & I just couldn’t, not that I don’t trust her,but anything can happen to you in a Split second (we all think it wouldn’t happen to us) but if you did have an accident , touch wood you never do, but would be awful thinking about her in the house wondering where you are.

Natsku · 19/10/2017 21:11

I think this thread has been alright Mittens lots of disagreeing but no real rudeness I think.

Abbylee · 20/10/2017 03:32

Well, coconutella, thank you VERY much. Did you think that I shared this so you could call my dh "an embarrasdment" when it was clearly
Not a shining moment? It is told often in our home with both disbelief and laughter.
My point was that NOBODY was home, he gave poor advice and was then not there to clear up the bad advice. If he had told her while home, he would have immediately, as he did via phone, realize that he screwed up, but he would have been there to console her, give her physical and emotional support. It didn't hurt her for blood to come out of her mouth; it hurt her bc she was alone. That was the question. But it could easily have been a serious injury.

Nobody, no matter who you are, can be prepared for everything. 8 yo do not "instinctively" know how to deal with all emergencies. Both of my dc are lifeguards. They must be recertified every two years. They were not eligible to be lifeguards until age 15. There is nothing "instinctual" about emergencies; there is training, planning, coolness under pressure. If your child can deal with "mouth blood" and poor advice, dropping a knife on her foot, falling down the stairs or slipping and cutting their lip, I would still be wary bc there are fires, neighbors, plumbing disasters and the inability to resist doing something forbidden.

My dc are young adults now. The stories that I hear, while preparing dinner, about their adventures make me very happy with my decision to give them time to mature before leaving them alone again.

And BTW, trust me coco Nutella, this is at the bottom of embarrassing things that parents have ever done raising their children. Good intentions are "instinctual," common sense, not so much.

coconuttella · 20/10/2017 03:40

Abbylee

I think you're responding to a *Evelynsnotmyspynames" post, not mine.

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